I threw in the towel a few years back after another drought year of constant watering. I am now going with it rather than against it. I ripped out just about everything the end of one horrible summer and I planted lots of cold hardy cactus, agaves, desert spoon and native plants. Its survival of the fittest out there winter and summer. You cannot believe the variety of cactus that will grow in Oklahoma and the blooms are unbelievable for two months each spring. One pad is all it takes and people trade them online. I don't have children so I am able to grow them but there's plenty of other ornamental plants that never need additional watering except maybe once a month if its a drought like this year. One example is Russian Sage. That thing is huge and will bloom all summer planted in the worst hottest full sun spot in my yard down by the street along with some other tough stuff. Another one is Artemesia. I had trouble with the native sages here from too much water in Spring so I went with the Artemesia. I got seeds of plants like Desert Marigolds and a lot other drought loving plants from Plants of the Southwest (seed catalog) and they bloom all summer without watering and have naturalized. I have stuff like snakeweed, purple winecups, fame flower, Rabbit Bush, Winterfat and lots of west Texas natives. Some bloom from Spring till Fall and lots of plants have silver leaves or very small leaves so it all starts getting "a look". It became fun. More fun than any other garden I have ever had and if its a scrubby looking plant with ornamental possibilities and it looks like it would be at home out on the range, I usually want it and try to track down seeds. I ordered lots of native seeds from the Sonoran Desert and got some interesting stuff there too. Finding these off beat kind of plants is now a major hobby and sometimes I see something growing wild that would look good and get plants that way too. Last year I started adding drought hardy native grasses. Stuff like Little Bluestem massed in, Sacaton Grass, blue grama, sideoats gramma and Deergrass. Range stuff. Its a big trend in gardening and I found I like it. So I already stopped fighting the good fight a while back and have never regretted it. Oh, I forgot, we took out the lawn too. Its all native tough stuff now. I noticed they are doing this around the Government Buildings down there on Lincoln too. Native grass gardens. They are gorgeous! No watering. And it looks like Oklahoma, kind of a state pride sort of thing. Its what got me started on the native grass craze.

I would trade in the winters here for the summers in FLA in a heartbeat. Like someone said, you don't have to shovel sunshine! Most people don't believe me when I say half the time the summers in DC are worse than in most places in FLA. In FLA, especially near the coasts they almost never deal with 100+ heat. Its a cool 74 in St. Petersburg as we speak. Here in DC, at 10 till midnight its still 88F. St. Pete has been in the high 80s to very low 90s, while were sweltering in very high 90s to low 100s the past few days. Its going to be 90F in St. Pete tomorrow, and 102 or so here in DC. I pay fairly close attention to St. Pete's weather, as it is where I am looking to end up, and often in summer the daytime highs are HOTTER here in DC than they are down there, AND we have just as much humidity during summer as down there, and sometimes more.

Back again ! I'm finding this site so very nice. I should have mentioned that the lady that skiied and knitted at the same time was an older Swedish lady who had imigrated a few years earlier. Years ago (70) or so, I think they used wider skis and didn't use ski poles. She was a neighbor to my in-laws. Another story ....she came to the Baptism of our oldest daughter who is now 52. Anyway, our daughter was very fussy that day (wouldn't you know?) I could not get her to sleep so the Swedish lady sat down and rocked her and sang to her in Swedish. Our daughter went to sleep in just a few minutes! Told my Hubby we needed to learn Swedish! I remember my Grandmother sitting and kniting and not watching what she was doing. Only glanzing at her work every few minutes.

its pretty incredible how much complete strangers can not only help with insight and validation - but simply with encouragement. The other night when things were over the top i posted the initial plea in a few different forums and this one has really paid off! I would just like to thank everyone who has shared their thoughts - each one has added to my ability to see this as clearly as possible given the circumstances. It is true, my sister has directed the temper and direction this family was going to take and my father has allowed it and enabled it at every point. Mostly out of fear of what she would either do to herself or her kids,as she has threatened some pretty heavy things about how, where and with whom she would turn to if not granted her demands; one by one over the years she has taken more and more privilege and exacted more abuse with every generation. They all were the result of, what i believe to be her supplementing both income and human relationships via children and child support. She never wanted the man and actually went to great attempts to keep them all at a distance(beyond the incoming checks) All in all it is dysfunction junction at its best. While i initially had great relationship with the boys- kind of diffusing all the craziness - and just being good ole Uncle Mike - it has taken a slow turn for the worse every time i had to be the disciplinarian in the absence of any other willing authority - then their puberty and independence really ignited a whole new powder keg - given the evolution of circumstances and their total and absolute disregard for any authority let alone male authority. Now, im really just trying to hang in there for my mom because everyone else seems to pick at her the most, my dad gets it too but he sides with them more than not out of the aforementioned fear and a strange opposition to dealing with them or taking a stand on what is right...He is definitely the enabler even though he resents it as much as anyone. He too can be a very abusive man(emotionally) but not to them. they have witnessed him emotionally abuse my mom just as i have - He really never messed with my sister but i have always gotten both barrels. I left when i was 19 and only just returned recently to witness the entire family peck at her like wolves. Being that my dad is older and sickly he has lightened up a bit and now its all backfiring on him as well as the rest of us thru her and her childrens rage. Its pretty obvious after knowing what i know and reading the follow up posts that this is the work of many years of pain in this house. Strange but in all of the craziness there is still a hint of love - but its a desperate sort with little patience and a lot of animosity for the truth. I am public enemy number one because i not only try to enforce a little decency but i also speak truths that threaten every ones daily routine regarding the disrespect and unnecessary rudeness. I have kept myself away and have grown up with a very happy and stable life until i lost the love of my life to a PHD at CALTECH (her not me)I was all that was left of a truly perfect and beautiful 10 year relationship that lost out to science and the pursuit of excellence in genetics - there was no room for me when it came to juggling intense labwork at a highly competitive national institution. So i came home to regroup and help out only to find a very messed up group of people all screaming at each other. It is out of control and I am very close to throwing in the towel. Even though i am not one to give up easily...i am slowly wearing thin. No one wants to listen or talk except my mom and i really do speak from the heart with love and insight and knowledge. I keep threatening to write a book about this as payback if not a simple exercising of my own demons. I am slowly being absorbed by all of this but thanks to being away for so long i have managed to avoid most of the scars that everyone else seems to have grown. Its catching up though. Unfortunately. I wish i could say that i believe that i can help but im afraid that they are all stuck in a routine that will never change. If i could just get my father to stand up to all of it i believe the others would fall in line - but he would rather fail than take any advice from me. he truly resents me even though he needs me. Sometimes its so obvious that the more he needs me the more he resents me. Along with that, I am a threat to all because i do see what is taking place and why and no one wants to hear it at all. I thought i had the skills to rationalize my way thru this and in any other environment i believe they are sufficient - save for this one painful example. This is all the family i have and at the very least - i am not going to leave my mom to the wolves. Anyway, sorry for the ramble - but for those of you who have shared in this thread - i guess im just spelling it all out in the form of a reply - because of the willingness to share feedback...and because there is always more to a story than whats just on the surface. i felt compelled to paint a clearer picture of what is really going on. And i want to thank you all for caring enough to help out a complete stranger. thanks again UncleMike