Double loss both parents

20 years ago

Mom died Sept 17 of lung cancer at age 84 as a total non smoker. Was diagnosed in Mar & did chemo for awhile, but finally requested hospice to make it easier on her daughters. Dad fell the day after mom died, which was the beginning of the end for him - picked up staph at ER, serious allergic painful reaction to antibiotic. Hospice called again to their home & he passed away Oct 23. Now today I finally started packing things off to my home- this is actually the hardest part for me, as I'm the one who put it all together for them just 3 yrs ago. They consolidated 2 smaller condos into this dream house where they could have live in caregiver.I printed a favorite recent pic of them from last fall, around their 57th anniv.

I am dreading the holidays but hope to have friends visit, get back to my job, etc. It really feels like they went together though the dates are a month apart.

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kalikitty

19 years ago

last modified: 11 years ago

I ventured onto this site looking for wood stain advice & came across your posting. Condolences on your losses. What Eileen wrote is what really hit me, since I lost my mom in 2001 unexpectedly (from a serious of dr. & hospital errors) then my dad from cancer in 2004 I have felt very alone. I have very few family members left, but none whom I am close to. Holidays are the worst since everything that 'once was' is no longer normal, and I spend between about Halloween & Valentines day wishing I could skip those months entirely. I am only 36 years old and don't have many friends and the few people I have tried talking to can't relate, since most still have their parents. Mine were only 60 (mom) & 66 (dad) years old when they died. I have been going to a bereavement group, which does help somewhat, but most of the other attendees are twice my age. Not that that matters, since the pain is what we share in common. I just haven't found where I feel like I 'fit' I guess and just wanted to respond to this post to let you know that it helps to know I'm not as alone as I feel going through this. I would love to hear from anyone that wants to talk (or cry!) Thanks for sharing & listening!

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Comments (33)

jlj48
20 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am so sorry for your losses but am happy for you that you had them for as long as you did. But still, I know that doesn't make it any easier. Loss is loss. I lost my parents 7 months apart, my Dad first of leukemia, he had been diagnosed only 3 weeks earlier. My mom died of a bladder infection if you can believe that. We weren't prepared for Mom's, not that you can really prepare. Mom had just turned 78, Dad was 77. I feel your pain. I know how hard the holidays can be without your parents. Just know that Lu said it best. You have most of the pain and do the work mentally preparing for the holidays. Then when the day arrives you just get through it. It is hardest for me when I remember the recipes and the foods. And just getting through holidays differently, with different traditions.
Again sorry for your losses. Hugs to you.
Joanie
marylmi
20 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am very sorry for your loss of your Mom and Dad. I too am not looking forward to the holidays as I lost my Mom on the 4th. of July and not quite three weeks later, I lost my sister. My Mom was 96 (sister was 73) and her memory was just awesome. I will miss them both very much and some days it is tough, but I try to think of the good times whenever I am feeling down.
**Hugs**
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socks
20 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You really got the double hit on this one, didn't you? So sorry about losing both parents so close together. Take good care of youself. I'm so sorry.
LizG1
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I lost both my parents last year also. Actually Nov. 21 was the anniversary of my dad's passing. My dad had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and my mom had a stroke worrying about my dad and life without him. They had just moved from thier lifetime home to live near my brother. I feel your pain. I took us a whole year to clean out the one house. The second house doesn't have anything it. We sold one, but our childhood home we just put on the market. It is very hard, and hard to talk about with people I know. Just remember to give yourself time. It is so much harder than I ever thought to lose my parents. They were so young at 62 and 60, and so passed away so close together... August 12 and Nov. 21. Getting through holidays is hard, especially the first ones. Last year my dad passed on Monday before Thanksgiving, and we had to wait until after the holiday to have the services. We had dinner at my parents home, and was weird and hard.
Sometimes I think its getting easier, and then it hits me, and I don't know how I am going to function the rest of my life without them. I completely understand your pain. Please write again if you want to talk. I haven't been on this site in a long time, but thought I needed to share my pain. I'll be on again soon. Sometimes it just really nice for someone else to share your pain.
cheryl217
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
It's been almost four years...I lost my husband on Feb 3rd after a 10 month battle with lung cancer. He was 53. My brother never showed up for the funeral, he was in a coma due to a drug over dose...he died on Feb. 10th. He was 50...I did go a group meeting for grief and just when you think it's the worse that can happen, I met a woman who lost her husband and daughter...I can't imagine losing one of my kids...we do keep going...it never gets easier, but it does get lighter...softer...
susanjf_gw
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
oh cheryl what a wonderful way to discribe it...lighter softer...you're so right.
ecg31486_yahoo_com
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Finally, a website that addresses how I'm feeling. I'm an only child, not married, no kids. My dad died suddenly on Sept. 1, 1997 (my mom found him dead in the living room); my mom died suddenly 1 year ago, January 14, 2006. I found her dead on the floor (we lived together.) My mom is an only child, and I'm not really close to my father's extended family, and I feel really alone. I had to go through the house, estate sale, etc., all my own. It sucked. One of my friends said, "well, at least you got some money from it". I looked at her and said, "you know, even if both your parents died tomorrow, you'd still have your husband, son, and 4 siblings. I have NO-ONE." But she didn't understand. No one really does until they go through it themselves. I'm not mad at her, I just don't look to her for understanding. I just keep praying for the pain to pass, and it has subsided somewhat, although I cry alot. In fact, I was in shock and only cried 5 times the first year mom was gone. Now the anniversary has passed and I cry alot more, I think i'm less numb. I have an awesome grief therapist and support from my AA friends, as best as they can give. I've been sober 21 years, and my mom was the biggest champion of my sobriety. If I can stay sober through this, I can stay sober through anything! Thanks for listening. Eileen
jules_y2kok
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
i lost 3 parents this last year
step dad jan 06 he raised me since i was 3 months old
my real dad whom i loved with all my heart sence i found out he was my dad at age 18 ( known him all my life as parents friend) died dec 06
my mom this jan 07 her death was the hardest due to the fact we did not know she was even ill she had lung liver and bone cancer she was back with my real dad and i thought she was just mourning him but it turns out she was sick her self she went in the hospital jan 12 and died 31st
i know it is hard lousing parents and so close together
God has been with me and my family and i know He will be with you! its not always ez but my parents have realy good friends and they call me and check in with me all the time for that i am so greatfull i know im ramboling on lol
but i want you to know you are not alone and GOD IS WITH US AND WE CAN CALL OUT TO HIM AND HE HEARS US! AND WILL PROVIDE I PROMISE! I KNOW FOR A FACT! MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS AND WE HAVE NO $$$ FOR THE FUNERAL BUT GOD WORKS IM ON MY MOMS BANK ACCOUNT AND HER INCOME TAX CAME IN JUST IN TIME AND IT PAID FOR EVERYTHING AND NOBODY IN OUR FAMILY WAS BURDED IM SO AMAZED WITH THE LOVE OF GOD!
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
cindylou_2008
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am so sad and I am also suffering the loss of both parents close together! Although they were no longer married, they remained good friends and had 3 kids together. I lost my mom in Nov 2007 (5 days before her 70th birthday) and then lost my dad Mar 2008 just 1 day before his 70th birthday. My mom had been sick and in and out of the hosp for the past 5yrs and my dad was diagnosed w/ cancer about a yr ago but learned 2 weeks after my mom passed that the chemo and rad treatments didn't work and was deemed inoperatable by a respectable hospital. I've always been the responsible one of us kids and was the only one who was able to care for my mom and do what I could for my dad since my sis has an alcohol prob and caused more havoc than help whenever she came to town. And my brother had messed up priorities and was continuously in and out of jail. I'm the only one who doesn't have kids of my own, (too old now, as I am in my mid 40s) and so now I feel so alone and as though my life has no purpose. I've always been the problem solver, care giver, the one to fix whatever needed fixing. Now I have no one else who needs me or my help. I have bf that I've been w/ for 12 years and although he's great and we care about ea other, I can't shake this "alone" and "no reason to continue on" emptiness feeling inside. I work full time, but now that's another prob- making myself get up ea day, pretend everything is fine to my coworkers, all the while running to the bathroom to hide the fact that I constantly throughout the day have surges of a crying spells over my parents. If I had kids, I think I may have been able to cope better (giving me a reason / purpose to go on). Im not suicidal, I'd never do that (I'm a strong believer in Christ and know how wrong that is), but I just keep praying and wishing that something could either make me happy, ease my miserable feelings or that I'd have some extraordinary enlightening experience that would make me understand what my purpose, (if any), of being left w/o my parents could possibly be. I was so close to both of them, I'd give anything to not have to suffer this inconsolible, horrible un-ending pain that just doesn't seem could ever go away! So, believe me everyone, I do know your pain!
ms-smith
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Parents who have children like you, cindylou_2008, are truly fortunate! When I'm in my last moments of life I would want my children to be there for me, the way you cared for yours. There is a woman I admire who did the same good deeds that you have done for your parents. Her name is Linda. She took care of her father alone after the death of her mother at an early age, for 25 years - not married, never had any children, was not able to move away from home to live on her own, and her siblings did not even offer to help. So when her father passed away she felt as though she had nothing else to do with her life. For all that time her sole purpose, she felt, was to take care of Dad. It was really hard for her to figure out who she was now that he was gone. But what really helped her through it was when she learned the reason why we grow old and die, and what the purpose of life on this earth is. (The answers to those are not as difficult to find as you may feel.) She learned that her Dad and Mom were not gone forever and her pain wouldn't last for much longer (Isaiah 26:19, Revelation 21:4). That truth took away the sting that losing them had brought upon her. After she found much needed closure and comfort from the scriptures, she realized that educating others about those answers and helping others to live happy, fulfilling lives was what brought her happiness and kept her going.
lisajonescollins
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I also lost both of my parents.. I was 27 at the time... They both passed away at 53 one month 5 days apart in 1991. It hurt really bad.. My mom was taking care of my dad he had ALS...I had just left their house 2 hours earlier.. I was talking to mom.. I said Mom are you going to bath Daddy tonight..She said No.. I said ok mom don't do it..because it's to hard for you to do by yourself...
I left and went home.. I lived about seven miles from them.. My Phone rang it was my mom..She said Lisa you need to come here now.. I thought something was wrong with my dad...I jumped into the car and took off... When I go there it was my mom..She was laid out..She was giving my dad a bath and had a massive heart attack...I called EMS and they took her to the hospital..but she didn't make it...Then I moved into my Dad's to take care of him..I didn't even get to greave my mom...then my dad died one month and five days later.. I had never cut my apron strings from my parents.... we was a very close family...
It's hard and still is hard.. I miss them every day....
I wish I could pick up the phone and call them to just chat..
It's hard I'm the only one left...My brother had got killed in 1987 in a car wreck...My life will not ever be the same Part my life died with them...I still cry and have bad days...
sonya_lonely
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am so sorry..i too am an unfortunate one to loose my parnts on 27th april'08 in a car accident,and to make it worse ,my younger brother was driving the car.I am 27 and my brother is 24.The were returning from a party when the accident occoured and I got a call.We were very much attached to them and my brother is in depair.Mom was 55 and dad 55 too.We both are numb and cant accept they r gone.No one really is there for any emmotional support except my husband....i know i cant smile ever...
sonya_lonely
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
they were incredible...honest people.we were aa family of four and were in love with each other ..my father was an ever smiling person and was loved by all the relatives and friends...suddenly afetr his death and mom's death,me and my brother are left alone..no one turned up and came to us even for emotional support....my brother is numb...he does not even speak a word..i know its because he was driving....I dont know how to take this...I have sleepless night and every morning i cry as there is something missing ...the home seems to be lifeless....I am in despair..lonely...
shgh1969
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I lost my dad September 13, 2007 and my mom May 6, 2008. My dad was 58 years old and my mom turned 56 May 1st. My dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer in October of 2003 and on May 25, 2006 they found tumors on his brain. While we knew he was sick, we didn't expect what happened to happen.

He was laughing and got to coughing and blood went everywhere. He did almost instantly. We knew he was ill and didn't have forever to live, but that was a shock.

Then my mom decided to take care of all of her physical problems after he passed that she had been putting off because she was taking care of him. First she had shoulder surgery in November. Then knee surgery in January and finally, back surgery in March. That is what killed her.

She ended up with four different infections in her body which she was too weak to fight off after the back surgery. She went into the hospital the day before Easter and never came home.

My sister and I are having a very hard time dealing with the loss of both parents. We have to sort through all their things, deal with their house, bills - everything and we've not even had the first anniversary of our dad's death. It's so hard, I never dreamt I'd be without parents at 30 years old.

The saddest thing is my children not really knowing them. My four year old remembers them and they took her all the time, but my fourteen month old will have no memories. My husband's parents live about five minutes from us but we never hear from them, so I feel like my kids are getting the short end of things. It's not fair.

It's comforting knowing we aren't the only ones experiencing this kind of loss, but my heart goes out to any and all of you because I know how hard it is.
koryfish_gmail_com
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Lost both my parents on Tuesday Sept. 9th 2008 due to a automobile accident. Saw them last on Monday morning before heading to work. I'm 24, just graduated this past May, work & live only an hour away from home and single. Sis is 26, just got married this past May, and lives in Vegas. My brother is 35 and lives in Ohio. Being the baby, the closest to my parents, and not in a relationship, it is going to be hard when my sister leaves in a few days. Mom was only 53 and dad was 61. I am really going to miss them, my Dad and I were getting excited bc I was finally done with school and we were going to be able to do some serious hunting and I wanted a project truck. I never dated much bc it always interfered with school, so I was excited to focus on dating and brining someone home to Mom and Dad. Now that is all gone; after college I took a job that paid good w benefits, but mostly bc it was close to home. I am at a loss of what to do next, I have great support from family and friends, but in the end it is still just me. I was very fortunate to have such loving and caring parents, I am just at a loss right now and am numb. I am afraid of the days to come bc I know it is going to be hard, I loved them so much and always tried to do everything right so not to disappoint them. They revolved their world around us kids and now I realize I revolved my world around them. I am thankful for all the memories, the lessons learned, and mostly the love. I wish they could have seen their grandchildren bc I know they were really looking forward to being grandparents. I will stop now, its getting late, gotta go see a lawyer tomorrow for probate stuff and still need one for the accident, fun wow.
Thanks for reading my rant.
yarmiah
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
For most of my life, I really never had to experience death, but now I seem to be overwhelmed. This is all new and I am constantly seeking, looking .. for what, I don't know, but it is comforting to know others have suffered in similiar ways and I guess it validates for me the constant flow of emotions, conflictions, contradictions, and feelings I am going through. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer(kidney) last year on 10/19/07. Less then 3 weeks after his diagnosis, he died 2 days after Thanksgiving. He was 64. Less than 3 months later, while still reeling from the death of my Dad, my Mom suffered a massive/fatal stroke on Feb 19th of this year. She too was 64.

Needless to say this has been excrutiating for my family. In addition to losing our parents within 3 months of each other, In May of 07' we lost our Grandfather and my Grandma died 3 weeks later.

4 losses in less than a year. I still can't beleive it sometimes.

I am so blessed however knowing that I have such a close and loving family. We continue to support and hold one another up. I am one of five siblings, and consider myself lucky as such. Family is so important to me and am grateful to God that I have such a truly loving, caring, and special family. Even with all the loss and grief, I am still able to count my blessings not only in the memory of my parents and grandparents, but in the close relationship I have with my family.
terrywin
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am writing this as I am still finding it very hard to cope with losing both of my parents in the last 2 years. I am an only child, I lost my own dad in 1977 when I was 10 and a half years old and had a nervous breakdown because of this which I have never got over. Totally out of the blue last year on the 20th of feb 2007 my mum died of a heart attack, and my dad was totally devastated by this as he was the one who found her body. Then a couple of days later my mothers sister also died which was painful enough, I asked my father last christwas what he was doing and he said he was going to spend a few days with some of his friends which I later found out that he never did, but I used to phone him everyday as I am disabled myself and the government had just taken my bus pass away but I used to go and see him every time when my son came down to see me but we did not see any change in him for about 10 months later just before he had his fall, A few days before this I went down to see him and his flat basically stunk because of dogs mess etc where he was not capapble of clearing up or more likely did not even realise and just could not be bothered after he had lost his wife. I asked him about this and he told me in a very speech impaired type of way that he basically could not be bothered to do anything after losing his wife, then on the 26th of Jan 2008 which is my sons birthday we got a phone call saying my father had had a fall and had been rushed into hospital in Brighton but that they were going to take him by ambulance to the princess royal in haywards heath where he later died on feb the 2nd 2008 with both me and his grandson by his side, it turned out that when they examined him they found out that he had a brain tumor which was cancerous but none of us ever knew this as he had not seen a dr in over 20 years so we found out, as he seemed to be pretty much always in perfect health despite smoking and drinking, I was totally devastated by this as was my son but luckily he was with me at the time, and just about managed to cope with me, after this I had to get help for his funeral from the social as they both died penniless even though they both had worked the majority of their lives and finally was able to arrange his funeral with a union jack drenched on his coffin etc as well as pictures of his late wife as well for the 20th of feb 2008 and them playing Frank Sinatra and my way as he went behind the curtain for the last time, Then I had to clear their flat which was unbearable and I could not even finish as this was just too painfull for me, but I just can't stop crying anytime at all night or day and I cant even watch any hospital programs on tv now because of this. 1 last thing I would like to say is a massive thankyou to the princess Royal hospital who arranged a taxi to come and get both me and my son to be with my father at his bedside as I did not have any money etc to do anything myself and had no friends to help either. It was not long after we got there that my father finally passed away into the night, Thank you Princess Royal for this from both me and my son, we will never forget you doing this for us when we most needed help, But I feel like I just can't cope with this anymore to try and cope with life all on my own apart from when my son is with me is a complete nightmare. Sorry this is really long but thank you for reading this it is just too painfull when it comes around to this time of the year and coping with the pain and agony of losing both of my parents and being completely on my own now apart from my son who lives about 60 miles away from me and I only see every 2 weeks.
terrywin
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am writing this as I am still finding it very hard to cope with losing both of my parents in the last 2 years. I am an only child, I lost my own dad in 1977 when I was 10 and a half years old and had a nervous breakdown because of this which I have never got over. Totally out of the blue on the 20th of feb 2007 my mum died of a heart attack, and my dad was totally devastated by this as he was the one who found her body. Then a couple of days later my mothers sister also died which was painful enough, I asked my father last christmas what he was doing and he said he was going to spend a few days with some of his friends which I later found out that he never did, but I used to phone him everyday as I am disabled myself and the government had just taken my bus pass away but I used to go and see him every time when my son came down to see me, but we did not see any change in him for about 10 months later just before he had his fall, A few days before this I went down to see him and his flat basically stunk because of dogs mess etc where he was not capable of clearing up or more likely did not even realise and just could not be bothered after he had lost his wife. I asked him about this and he told me in a very speech impaired type of way that he basically could not be bothered to do anything after losing his wife, then on the 26th of Jan 2008 which is my sons birthday we got a phone call saying my father had had a fall and had been rushed into hospital in Brighton but that they were going to take him by ambulance to the princess royal in haywards heath where he later died on feb the 2nd 2008 with both me and his grandson by his side, it turned out that when they examined him they found out that he had a brain tumor which was cancerous but none of us ever knew this as he had not seen a dr in over 20 years so we found out, as he seemed to be pretty much always in perfect health despite smoking and drinking, I was totally devastated by this as was my son but luckily he was with me at the time, and just about managed to cope with me, after this I had to get help for his funeral from the social as they both died penniless even though they both had worked the majority of their lives and finally was able to arrange his funeral with a union jack drenched on his coffin and a short speach about his military service etc as well as pictures of his late wife as well for the 20th of feb 2008 was the date the previous year my mother died, and they playing Frank Sinatra and my way as he went behind the curtain for the last time, Then I had to clear their flat which was unbearable and I could not even finish as this was just too painfull and making me ill to do this, but I just can't stop crying anytime at all night or day and I cant even watch any hospital programs on tv now because of this. One last thing I would like to say is a massive thankyou to the princess Royal hospital in Haywards Heath who arranged a taxi to come and get both me and my son to be with my father at his bedside as I did not have any money etc to do anything myself and had no friends to help either. It was not long after we got there that my father finally passed away into the night and then they also layed on another car to get both me and my son back to my home in Brighton, Thank you Princess Royal for this from both me and my son, we will never forget you doing this for us when we most needed help, But I feel like I just can't cope with this anymore to try and cope with life all on my own apart from when my son is with me is a complete nightmare. Sorry this is really long but thank you for reading this it is just too painfull when it comes around to this time of the year and coping with the pain and agony of losing both of my parents and being completely on my own now apart from my son who lives about 60 miles away from me and I only see every 2 weeks.
marksf
17 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Wow, this page really grabbed me as I was reading it. My prayers and thoughts go out to all and hope we can keep posting here because we can use the support. I am now totally alone from losing my only brother after caring for him through liver cirrohsis for many years and growing so close to him as we both went through losing our mother to lung cancer after being caregiver to her. I am a disabled crimescene victim "collateral damage" and all I have done for past 10yrs. is give care to my mom and brother and try with heart and soul to get my brother on the liver transplant list which came up short. Now to endup totally alone living with both their memmories in the same condo that was transformed into groundfloor hospital room is very hard. I know what it's like to be totally alone and and feel uncomfortable going out except when I meeet with my griefshare group but it's a long slow journey and feel we all need to stay in touch and pray for eachother.

Thanks
Mark
diane_amisu_uk_pwc_com
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I lost my parents (a year now), it just seems like yesterday. My dad was ill for just about 2 weeks (before my 40th birthday), I pleaded with him that he shouldnt die as he needed to be around for my 40th which is meant to be memorable. But he died 20.02.2010. My birthday was 05.03.2010. My mum appeared so strong she was the one that kept my going strong, I kept on telling her how disappoint and angry I was at God and how could He have done this to ME! Mum kept on keeping my strong, little did I know she was going to join him just 19 days afterwards,she died of a broken heart, having looked after my dad, worrying and probably fearing the worst. She must have dreaded life without him, my brother and I live 6 thousand miles from them eventhough we communicated by phone very regularly. My parents live together in a very big house, I guess the though of living without dad was too much for her heart to cope with, and she knew my brother and I (and family nephews/nieces) would be worrying over her, she didnt want to 'burden' any one, which hurts me to feel that she must have been thinking along those lines. I hadnt even gotten to terms with my dad, then mum went. My first thought was I would nt be able to cope, had to go with them - forgetting about my 3 kids and husband. My mum was my rock, we were very, very close, I still cant believe there both gone - I couldnt go to church for months and months because I felt so angry that God could take them both away from me, I also felt angry at my mum, because she knew how badly I took my dads death why did she leave as well, how did she think I'll cope??? Eventhough I'm forty plus, I still feel like a 7 year old child. I have mixed emotions like a rollercoaster, some days are worse than others - the one year anniversary of their funeral I couldnt bring myself to go to church, what would have been my mums birthday fell on a Sunday, couldnt go to church. Some days I just want to cry and cry, I am finding it difficult to accept. I hear other peoples story and then I realise, there are others worse off than me, I try to find consolation that it could have been worse, but this doesnt help. My mum died just under a week of my 40th birthday. So my birthdays would always be surrounded with the saddness that dad died before and mum 6 days afterwards, people say it would get 'better' or 'easier' and that I have to move on, but move onto where, I can never ever forget my parents, I miss them so much, especially my mum. I had tatoos done on parts of my body, just wanted to feel 'pain' - if you've ever had one you know exactly what i mean, I felt whatever pain tatoo would have can never be compared to how my heart felt, it felt like a dagger was being twisted in it. I understand and can relate to all the stories I've read, at least I know I'm not alone.
rachelen_aol_com
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I can very much relate with this article. I lost my mother as a young child ( I was born in 1984 and she died the next year in 1985 of an unexplained reaction to a thyroid medication due to a history with having heart murmer as a kid). It Is now known some of those medications shouldn't be taken because they can trigger difficulties for ppl with previous heart problems. Needless to say, it was random, devestating to my father and I now know the tragedy around me had a very large subconscious effect on me. My mother did not get to finish imprinting on me as an infant and though infantile amnesia causes me to have no memory of it, I can feel the sadness and confusion felt by my father, his parents, and my mothers family that happened around me. My father and his parents raised me, my moms family was distant. My grandpa died when I was 6 of heart problems, so we were hit with a double dose of death in a 5 year span. My dad and grandma became my parents. We were very very close and had a very close family with my dads brother and his wife. My grandma moved to b close to my uncle and his wife when I was 17 and my dad remarried when I had just turned 19. Unfortunately, after I has turned 23, my grandmothers health rapidly declined and I saw her slowly go through the proccess of death. She was my rock and my platonic soul mate, she told me" wherever you are, wherever I go, you will always be my little girl and I love you more than I could ever put into words", the very last time I layed in her arms in her hospital bed. I remember feeling sick walking out the door knowing I will never see her again. She died a week or two later. The week following her funeral, my dad was diagnosed with a rare cancer called multiple myeloma, bone marrow cancer. He was given 3 to 5 years to live. I spent the next almost 3 years going through his journey, taking care of him, taking him to treatments, caretaking for him while my stepmom worked, etc. He has been my best friend and the person I love most in the world. We have had a strong connection all my life. I could tell him anything, he would do the same, we have always taken care of eachother. He had a vine marrow transplant and it worked for a year. The cancer came back slowly, with a vengeance. Unfortunately, he passed away at the very end of last November in 2010. 1 day before my birthday. I turned 26. I helped care for him in his last days, every minute he was awake and every second possible the last few days when he began to go in a coma. The miracle of love is strong and mysterious. He remained responsive to me through noises until the very end. His last words to me were" I love you, you love me, you are my energy, no one will ever love you more than I do and I always will". He hung on even when his vitals decreased and I ended up having to tell him goodbye and leave the house before he could let go and pass on. I kissed him on the head for the last time , told him how much I love him and to please let go and find peace and walked out. That was the
hardest thing I have ever had to do. He died a few hours later. I cannot talk about all of the horrible things I saw happen to him as the cancer took over And tore him apart but his wife, stepdaughters, my aunt n uncle, his cousins, myself, we all felt helpless watching this happen
to a man we dearly love. I had to do things to care for him and watch him go through things that absolutely killed my heart. The worst was seeing his body and cognition break down. It is a cruel thing, death. I've had a sideline season ticket witnessing of death since I was a baby. Never did I think it would take every member of my immediate family away.

This article was helpful and just what I was looking for to aid me in my grieving. It is good to know others out there are on a similar journey as I am. I feel as if my heart is completely broken in to a million pieces and have been slowly going along in the grieving proccess because my dads death is the most painful thing I have ever had to face. It's painful even to think about or proccess. This will be a long proccess because everytime I think about it, I feel as if my heart is being ripped out all over again. You are right, when you think about how your parent will never see your children or know you as an adult, it kills you inside. The worst is just anticipating how life will be without the one I love the most in my life. My life is forever changed, the sun doesn't shine quite as bright and I walk around with a deeply broken heart. I feel like the light that guides my soul is gone with the deaths of my dad and grandma. I know it logically will get better and life goes on but this monumental loss will change your life forever. My heart and sincerest prayers are with all my kindred spirits wHo have lost their parent or parents
dgnana2_yahoo_com
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
My parents were killed by a Drunk Driver 7 months ago, my oldest Grandson was with them and was critically injured. It was a miracle, the only area of that car that didn't look chewed up was where he was at, door opened, the only window in the car not broken. My entire family is a mess, I feel like the foundation is crumbling and the future is scary. I am still not right, I won't ever forget that night, my daughters and sisters anguish, that crazy feeling. Does it get better? 2 Parents at once so unexpectadely shouldn't be able to happen add a Drunk Driver and 4 Daughters to that, Unbelievable.
mwestman2_comcast_net
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I lost both of my parents last yr..My father who was always very healthy but a heavy smoker started to lose a lot of weight...he went to the dr who referred him to an oncologist...the results came in and i went with him...he was told he had liver, bone and lung cancer..he needed to start chemo ..he was given 3 years to live..he passed 3 weeks later..my mother has been battling cancer and heart desease for a long time...she always won the battle...the drs use her as an example..when she was firt diagnosed with cancer she was put on hospice..she beat it 32 yrs..so when she was put on it again, i thought you guys have no idea of how strong this woman is...sad to say this time she didn't beat it..she passed dec 6th, the same hospice center my father did, across the hall from one another..I can not tell you the pain I have, I cry every day, I go to call her and shes not there. I don't know how to move on..Part of me has died with my parents.
denise85_optonline_net
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I just lost both my parents 10 days apart. My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer. My mom had a stroke while he went to the hosptal for treatment. I went to pick her up to visit him and found her. She was unable to speak, eat or move her right side. She looked as if she was trapped in her own body. I visited her everyday communicating with her eyes. She looked so frighten. There were times she would wink or make funny faces. She was able to squeeze my hand. She would touch my face and my hair with her left hand. She died 10 days later on June 6, 2011. We buried her last Friday. My dad passed on June 15, 2011 this Saturday we will bury my dad. My dads cancer spread through his body. He had a tumor on his spine that was causing excruciating pain. If he lived he would have eventually been paralyzed. They were married 59 years. I have not yet had time to grieve for either one. The pain of our loss is so overwhelming. I guess my grieving begun when they began suffering. Seeing their pain over the last 4 weeks has been devastating. I will cherish my memories of them always. I am grateful they are together resting peacefully.
sonya_lonely
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
It Has been almost 3 years now!I had lost my parents 3 years back in a car accident.
Trust me,the pain has not pacified at all....i miss them all the more...not a single day has passed by that i have not missed them or have not cried....what shall i do?
Katey497
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
My dad just died January 1st and I had mom transported on the same day to ICU. She would've passed on the same day if I wasn't in the house. Mom died anyway on January 6th. It's been very difficult losing both of them at once. I also lost my dad's sister March 28th, due to dad dying. We buried my parents May 12, and returned to the same cemetery the next day to bury my aunt 5 stones down. I still can't wrap my brain around any of this. I am a nurse and deal with death all of the time. I don't feel that I am an orphan. My parents didn't abandon us, they just went on a different journey. My friends have been supportive but they don't really understand. I had a colleague ask how I was, and said oh I thought you'd be fine by now. I didnt know that there was an acutal cut off time on grief. I doubt that I'll ever get over this. I had my parents for 58 years, and now I have to learn to live without them, which is not easy.
catiecap
14 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
It has been very interesting and informative reading all of your stories.

I lost my parents 6 weeks apart when I was 15 years old. That was 7 years ago now. I still feel lost without them. I was so young. My mother died first, suddenly, and I do feel my father died of a broken heart.

This has been the hardest thing to overcome, and possibly the hardest event in my life to bear. Losing my parents so close together and at such a young age has caused immeasurable pain and confusion.

I wish all of you luck in overcoming such a challenge. I know, with time, we can make it through this.
rmcjds12
13 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
This last year has been the worst it seems. My mom Died on July 15 from a long illness of breast cancer. She had suffered long and hard and was ready to go. My aunt, her sister died exactly one month after her. and then two weeks later my uncle, my dad's brother, dropped dead of a massive heart attack with no warning. Not but 2 weeks later I close friend of the family and the daughter of a long time school mate was brutally murdered by her boyfriend. And then the Sunday after Thanksgiving my dad never woke up it was a massive bleed in his brain. This has been the hardest year that I have had to endure in my life. Christmas was very hard and very sad. I really can't talk to anyone about all this because no one understands the hurt and pain that I have and I seem to cry when I do try to think or talk about it. I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel and wonder if it will all be ok. I know in my heart that God has a purpose for everything but I just don't understand at the point and time.
jannie
13 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
So much sadness.
dreamgarden
13 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
@ rmcjds12-"I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel and wonder if it will all be ok. I know in my heart that God has a purpose for everything but I just don't understand at the point and time."

I'm so sorry for your loss('s). If I could reach out and give you a hug I would.

Please know others care and that time will help heal. God is taking care of your loved ones until you can be with them. Honor their memory by being compassionate to others.
meagainsttheworld
11 years ago
Jan 21 2015 i lost dad to stage 4 small cell carcinoma on March 10,2015 I lost Mom to stage 4 B cell lymphoma! In my fathers case We were told, 6 to 8 weeks, he only lived 7 days from the date of his diagnosis! Mom wasn't given a diagnosis, she lived only had 6 weeks from the day my dad died! My mother was admitted to the hospital the day my dad passed. Thanks be to God she was able to be there,in a chair by his bedside the entire time. Sad part, she was in horrible pain and she never complained not once! They (Dr's) thought she had cellulitious of the calf, boy were they wrong! We never saw any of this coming! My mom and dad were my everything! I'm 35! I know to some that seems old enough right, wrong. I just became interested in the subjects that they were found of, I have so many questions, I had so much more to learn! My birthday is less then a month, no special phone call or card this time! My entire world shattered in 6 weeks!

Ironic thing is, a dream I had 5 years ago!

Myself, my 2 sisters, our mother and a husky man with no face were all at a funeral!

At first I didn't know whos funeral we were at. I thought in a panic like feeling to myself ,is this dads funeral, looking around I saw no casket,I saw no pictures and I immediately called down. I thought is this Moms funeral, confused now I was looking around for a clue to whoms funeral i was attending. It was then I noticed my Mother limping in the archway with her cain in a blue dress!

The colors around me were extremely vibrant, blue, white and purple flowers everywhere, there was an archway filled with vines that were just about in season to bloom.

Noone else was attending this funeral but us four and the man i could identify. StillI didn't know who's funeral I was at.

Suddenly I felt a terrifying feeling, I slowly looked behind me and my 3rd sister stood behind me. Her arms were draped in front of herself folded just so nicely, she had a sober, still and expressionless face. She was dressed in a classy, fitted black suit. The jacket looked as if she was the only person in the world it could have been tailored for.

She was radiant, her hair was gold blonde more beautiful then I had ever seen in actuality! I felt a immediate sense she had been watching over us!

As I sat there, my other older sister, the second youngest to myself, was overcome by despaire and overcome by grief. She just sat and shook violently, as if she were sick from her nerves inside and out.I looked down and saw her fancy stocking socks, black Rib knit cuff over the knee socks, and her white sweater.Why they left a impression I would understand at the time.

My eldest sister stood talking to the man, I couldn't see his face. They stood at the front left had corner of the room, while mom walked toward them.

I had that dream three times that night!

Just 6 months after that dream, my sister died from cancer and was cremated.I never got to say good by to her, I was unable to get to her funeral!

On January 21st 2015 it snowed a lot. On the 30th of Jan,the day we burried our dad, the temp was -2 degrees, my sister was shaking,sitting next to me she leaned over and I saw her knitted rib cuff socks!

On March 10 th 2015 my mother passed, my sister was wearing the white sweater .

On March 18th 2015 it was 72 degrees, my mother was burried in a blue dress! My eldest sister talked to my uncle that day in the front left hand corner of the room! My mother never quite made it all the way to them, just like in my dream!

I guess I could say I had a dream, but it's one I can not awken from!

My mom and dad are both gone! I know they are with the Lord and for that I am greatful! I am just lost without them!
sherripdarden
10 years ago
I just found this website recently. I lost my Dad one year ago today and my Mom passed away two months ago. They passed 10 months apart both on the 29th day of the month. 2015 was the worst year of my life. I have been really struggling with my grief. I recently joined a grief support group and its nice to talk to people who understand. But, life is very different without your parents. I have heard of the term "adult orphan". Now I am one.

Double loss both parents

kalikitty

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