I can identify with your need to go to the cemetery, especially during the holidays. My Mother passed away suddenly 8 years ago, and it took my sister and I nearly 2 years to decide on 'just the right thing' for her headstone. Once we had it done, we visited every few months or so (we both lived away from 'home' at the time). After my Dad died 2 years ago, I have only gone a couple of times a year. I am fortunate to have been able to move 'home' to take care of him, and we decided to stay after he died. We live on the land where I grew up, so I guess I feel closer to them here than in the cemetery. I do spend my share of time walking in the pasture and talking to both of them especially in the fall when we all spent more time outside picking up pecans and working outdoors. I still go by the cemetery a time or two during the holidays to 'touch base' with them and my brother and grandparents who are there, also. If my sister goes by when she is in town, she doesn't mention it.

Yes, Deb. I go often during the year, but during the holidays, for some reason I feel more inclined to go and feel more of a connection with my mom and Christin. I go to great efforts to have their graves looking really nice and in the evenings during special occassions, I try to keep candles burning at the grave. This Christmas will be our first Christmas without Mom. We'll miss her so much, along with Chris.
Lu

My mom died in September and I have not as yet been able to go to her grave, other than the day we buried her. It currently has only a veterans marker, which belongs to my father, and I do want to buy a formal headstone, but I can't do it just yet. I did not go too often when it was just my father's grave. When he first died, Mom wanted to go all the time (every week) and I finally told her that I would do anything for her, but I couldn't keep doing this -- it was too upsetting for me. Some people derive comfort in visiting the grave; I am not one of them. That being said, I would like to adorn it with a Christmas wreath but I am still not ready to visit it. I guess we honor and remember them in the way(s) we are most comfortable.

You are exactly right. Everyone has to do exactly what is right for them. Some people don't need to go to the grave at all and others want to be there all the time. Maybe someone could go put the wreath on the grave for you.
Lu

laser, I know what you mean about going to the cemetary or rather NOT going. when my dad died, i didnt go for almost 6 months - i just could not bring myself face to face with this loss. he was my hero and i refused to allow myself to give into believing he was gone (denial?). i did eventually go and found it to be an incredible release for me. my mom,however, went every sunday. I think you go when you are ready ......you will know when that day has come.

deb

It was a year ago today that Mom was diagnosed. I am having a hard time with this, remembering every detail of the days leading up to the diagnosis. I am sitting here at work trying to be discreet in my sniffles. I just can't believe it's Christmas and she isn't here.

I almost never visit my parents grave.But my fiancee who passed away April 17th 2004 I have visited as often as possible. As a matter of fact I last visited his grave December 11 2004. He doesn't have a grave stone. But I feel better after visiting him. I have been chastized for not visiting my parents grave. Sarah

HI Laser...I remember that from last year. This is really a "double whammy" for you this season. (((Laser))). Derry

My father died in 1974 when I was 3 years old. I have always visited his grave and prefer to do so alone. I always leave with a heavy heart when I think about not having him in my life. Always a great sadness when I visited his grave. My grandfather died 2 years ago and was buried right next to my father, his son. Now I have a weird feeling when I visit them. It is like I am relieved that my father is not out there by himself anymore, that he and my grandfather are together again. I know this sounds corny, but it is a weird feeling I have when I visit the cemetary now. I still get sad, but it is a different feeling now.

CB