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trying to get through each day

15 years ago

Hi, I am new to this site but I lost my Mom last year to liver disease (non-alcoholic). At first it felt like she was just at the hospital and then it started to feel like I was suppose to call her but I couldn't. Then in Feb the man I have been with for 21+ yrs found out he had Leukemia. After a bone marrow transplant and 3 months of remission it came back. Getting another round of chemo 3 days into his 3 week hospital stay he had a bad blood transfusion. TRALI they call it which stands for transfusion related acute lung injury, sent to to SCU for 12 days,he couldn't pull out of it, I buried him Oct.2nd. Living in the same house for 21 yrs I feel lost without him.I have the what ifs, we talked when he could and he knew I was there everyday but I feel like I should have stayed by his bedside 24/7 weither I was tired or not, and feel like what happened.I went back to work but want to stay home in my bubble till I fell better. We have a teenage son together that is still at home and I try to be strong for him as he does for me I know. Some days I feel ok and think I am out of tears then the next hour or day they come back. I feel so drained emotionally and like things will never feel any better. Is it wrong to want to stay in my little bubble alittle longer? Missing my mom and needing her and feeling the same about my guy.

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socks
15 years ago
You must not be hard on yourself for not being at his bedside 24/7. You needed your rest so you could hold yourself together to be with him as much as you were. I'm sure he knew you were there as much as you possibly could be. I'm sure he knew how much you love him.

You have suffered two devastating losses in a short period of time. It will take some time for you to begin to feel ok. Don't hesitate to talk with your son about your feelings and encourage him to talk with you, even if you both cry cry cry. You would probably both benefit from grief counseling. Call your local hospital to ask about it. It can help.

I'm not a professional counselor, but I think going to work is probably good for you even though you don't want to, assuming you took some time off when both your loved ones died. This would be something to discuss with a grief counselor.

Deepest condolences, and come back and let us know how you are doing. Your loved ones are gone, but your love for them will always be with you.

Susan
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