Hi, my name is tyler, i am 15 years old. My dog, known as cocoa, died last saturday. I am not "new" to someone dieing in my family. My dad was sick all my life and died when I was nine. I am fully over that now, and for 4 years after his death (9-13), I was badly depressed. My grades dropped, my personality changed completely. But, at 14 and 15, I have to say I really enjoyed living and what I was doing. Then, BAM. cocoa gets sick out of no where. It was thursday when it started. He was hardly moving, and breathing heavily whenever someone went up to pet him. I told my mom we should bring him to the vet but she refused - i was shocked. Friday night, I spent two hours outside in the dark with him, crying because I knew something wasnt wrong. I eventually went inside, he did not move until the next half hour. My brother said he probably just ate something wrong. I felt a lot better, and went to sleep.
I woke up at 5 a.m. with my brother knocking on my door saying we need help. i had no clue what he was saying it for, but i got down stairs, and saw my dog laying on a blanket. they told me to help pick the blanket up and bring it to the back of the truck, so i did. i then went back up stairs. i knew he was going to die. before i went upstairs, still outside, i remember he leaned over before the back of the truck closed, and he looked at me into my eyes. -i do not cry a lot, in fact i have not cried since my dad died, and writing this has me in tears-. i went back up stairs, went to sleep, and woke up to my mom telling me he was dead.
i cried for hours. the feeling in my heart would not go away. i started hating every moment that passed by. i felt so guilty, my dog died at only 9 years old. i know i could have done something about it. my family always fed him 'human' food.
know, every moment in my life is like what it was before. i feel depressed. i feel like sleeping constantly in school. im not getting work done. i cant fall asleep at night.
i feel worse than when my dad died, and i felt really bad then, which is unbelievable to me.
i cannot get the picture out of my mind where he leaned back and looked at me into my eyes before the trunk closed.
-the reason i write this is because i like talking to other people about deaths - it makes me feel better thanks for reading.