Yes honey, you can go on. You have seen you Father alive, and now have a confermation that life goes on beyond death. Ask his friends and family to write you his stories. Or to just tell you his stories. It will help you to know him as a man, as a person, as a father. Collect thier memories and all the photos you can get your hands on. Research him. You may not want to hear this part but I have to say it any way so here goes... Stop drinking. It does not help. Getting drunk will break your spirit quicker than anything else you expierence in this life, only you wont see it until its too late. Sending you prayers, and peace of mind. Vicki

I completely agree with Ima's first post. I went through almost the exact same situation with my FSD. It is completely normal for her age and being from a divorced home. She's probably used to being doted on by her dad and is transitioning out of being a "little girl" to bevcoming a pre-teen. My FDH and I fought for years about this. He never listened to me until BM said something. Then he realized what was going on and that boundaries had to be placed. It took a long time for the boundaries to go up, and then things started becoming more normal. Probably when she was like 11. She is 13 now and has moved away. She visits, but I am seeing the same things return. Like she lays all over my bed. When I tell her to get off my bed she goes "why?" Or she "hunts" down her dad to ask him a stupid question like "can I go ride my bike". By "hunt" I mean she will knock on every door, even the bathroom doors, to find him. Also, she's doing that whispering thing again where she whispers questions to her dad even when all of us are in the same room. Having experienced this now, I'm thinking it's some sort of separaton thing. I think that once relationships are established, her visits will be less stressful. Also, my FSD was wearing a bra at 9 and started her period at 11. I definitely believe girls are maturing much faster than they used to. KKNY also had some great advice on summer programs for the kids.

Its hard to maintain a relationship with her dad if his wife is breathing fire down his back and face after each contact! Nancy sounds threatened to me. i'm sorry to say this but maybe she feels that you want something after 30 years of no contact and that something is inheritance. I know its an ugly thing to say. I went through something similar before all of you jump down my throat! I had a heated arguement and fall out with my dad as well and partly due to my stepmom. I didn't see or hear from my father for 10 years. My husband was the one who encouraged me to recontact him and i got the same cold shoulder from my stepmom at first. BUt after a few months of talking and breaking some ice my relationship wtih both ofthem is quite good. i noticed she calmed down after she realized i was married and had a child of my own. i wasn't going after his money...infact, the only real reason for the contact was not for me but for my son. I still feel a sense of hesitation from her , as if she doesn't trust my intentions but that is her sense of insecurity she has to deal with ...not mine. I say keep calling. keep in touch and its up to your dad to reassure her. The violent part gets me worried though...what do you mean by violent? screaming...hitting??? if its violent you have to call an agency for the elderly for abuse..... If nancy hates you , there is nothing you can do about that. Do you live far apart? have you gone to visit or ask him over for his grandkids? Nancy has no business stoppping him from seeing his grandkids...i'm really thinking because her daughter has health issues she feels threatened that any care for her daughter will go out the window for you and your kids. Your father has to put his foot down with his wife. And only he can do that..not you.

36 + years ago, I was 24 when my Mom married my St-Father. (My father had passed away 2 years previously.) He had 3 kids from his 1st marriage. 2 were teens and and treated my mother poorly. (and sadly, they still do) In the beginning, we (my sister & I) tried to be inclusive of his kids and him, but it wasn't reciprocated. Now they it feels more like they are "distant cousins" whom we seldom see and we only hear bits of news about them. I refer to them as my "steps" but my St-father is my mothers husband. I've never called him "Dad." Before my kids were born, I called him by his 1st name. When my 1st born chose the grandparent name for him, that's what I started calling him too. My in-laws, whom I adored, I addressed by their 1st names. They were okay with that and never pushed me to call them "Mom" or "Dad." Even though after my Mom remarried, they were more than parents to me. When my Mother remarried, it was almost as if the previous life with my father had disappeared. She tried so hard to be a good "step-mother" putting his kids first, sacrificing the relationship she had w/my & my sister. Thankfully, my in laws saw this and they were my solace. They became my primary family. Again, when my kids were born, I called my in laws "Granny" or "Grandpa" and they were okay with that as well.