When the greiving begins before death

cherig22

My mother and I kept my grandmother at home, she went into hospice for two days before she died.

My Mother passed in her home.

My Husbands father had to go to the hospital for a few days when he passed.

I found it so much easier to grieve when they were with us before they passed on, it was almost like they went to the Lord slowly, and I was able to let myself grieve before they had actually gone away from us.

I wish for everyone to be able to slowly work their way into death, and I pray for all of you who had to endure the quickness of death.

I have been blessed with having my elders with me when they passed, now we are the old ones left.

Cheri

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sylviatexas1

If there's an easy way to lose someone, I don't know what it is.

A friend who had lost her husband to a sudden, massive stroke when they were both in their forties expressed something like what you say, but from the other direction, one day:

We had just learned that another friend was facing her husband's terminal illness.

Rose said,
"When I heard that, I was so angry.
I was jealous.
I thought, 'Why does she get time to prepare, & I didn't?
I didn't even get to say good-bye.'

& then I thought,
'At least my husband went quickly;
no pain, no deterioration, no embarrassing medical procedures & processes, no gradual weakening, no realization that he was going to go.'
so I felt like Danny & I had been blessed."

If you love someone, it's just never easy.

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cherig22

You are so right, Sylvia! I feel that I had the time to get used to the idea that they would be gone, if it had been sudden I think I would have gone so insane with grief!

I hope that I will never have to go through that, so painful...

Cheri

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alisande

Yes, it's easier on those left behind if we can do some of our grieving in advance. When someone dies suddenly, you have the shock to deal with as well as the loss. But long illnesses can be hard on the person who is sick.

I guess the ideal is to live a long time, with a gradual slowdown, to prepare your loved ones and prepare yourself.

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