My dad died May 2nd of last year. He was just 8 days short of his 96th birthday. Couple of weeks before he told me to look at him & said I don't want you to mourn me but it's OK to "miss me" Such comforting words that I often think about. I lost my hubby when he was 48 so that was so difficult as he was my best friend & so young. Your age may make it harder & your dad's age or sudden passing but all you felt is not unusual at all. You can see someone from behind walking & think, oh, there he is & then realize it can't be & you may flush in embarrassment. Couple of songs at church make me kind of teary & if at end of service I just say, oh, that song reminds me of my dad(or hubby) can hear it time & again & OK but then suddenly it gets to you. This will happen from time to time & best to just tell the person, "you remind me so much of my dad or that was my dad's name" the person will understand. It will get better with time your loss is very fresh & will be several months before you feel like you are even back in the world. I said it was like being thrown on a stage & told you had to go through this awful play & all you want is out of there & to go crawl in bed! I was 42 when he died at work. Nothing is real I think that is how most people feel at 1st. If your dad had a long illness then you might have an easier time as you have already been grieving. That's why my dad's was easier to take & his advanced age. I'm sure others will come on so keep checking back. It's a day by day thing & try to live as normally as you can. Lunch with a friends, movie with someone etc. Just sit & watch people shop. Better to get out than to hibernate that can get dangerous for your health as you quit eating, social engagements etc. Don't let that happen. Life does go on & it is up to you to pull yourself along & get to point where things are better & finally enjoyable. Doesn't mean you forget them. Your dad would want you to be happy!!

You all have had so much grief of your own. Thank you for taking the time to hear about mine. Right now, I'm feeling numb and overwhelmed. I'm worried about my mom. She doesn't want to go one without him. She actually is taking the focus on everything that happened at the hospital. She has no idea and I don't want her to. We all are just pretending for her sake. I understand that my sister wanted her grown children and their spouses to see dad before he worsened, but they ignored his requests, and he is the patient. I just don't get that. I let my son see him after we knew we were losing him, of course that made them angry, but at that point he didn't care so I wasn't ignoring his requests. But so many things were said to hurt me. No our relationship wasn't strong and open before my dad became ill. We all have gone our separate ways. My mom and dad were the hub that kept us all together. When my mom is gone one day, I doubt that we will ever see each other. I long for a relationship with my siblings, but I am so tired of being hurt. It's gotten to the point that I think life is too short to spend it on people that hurt me and fall short of my few expectations. I think they resent me for moving 16 hours away for 5 years, now I am just 4 hours away. In fact, my brother made reference to my not being there at the hospital, although I dropped everything to put my mom and dad first. It also seems that being the youngest, my family would love it if I was naive and weak, instead of intelligent and independent, as well as very close to my parents. My sister (oldest) has hurt my parents many times with her impulsive mouth and calls later crying and apologizing. I just can't deal with it and I don't want to. It seems like we will just go on having this polite sterile conversation for my mom's sake. It's all sad and it's getting in the way of my grieving for my sweet dad. Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I am so new at this kind of grieving. There are so many layers and so many things to grieve about. The worst is how my sweet daddy suffered. I never expected him to ever suffer like that and I want to forget it. And I want to forgive myself for not doing more, and I can't seem to get past it.

I know that the actual dates are significant, but really when you think about it, it's just a day. If you try to think about how you are grieving every single day without your loved one and how every single day that they were here with you was just as important as the next, those "dates" really aren't that important. They are just that..... "dates". The birthdays are harder for me when I can't help wonder where Christin would be in her life now had she lived. She was only 19 when she left us, and had so many hopes and dreams. I also know what you mean about grieving differently for your parent and your child. It is a totally different grief. I too, feel a little guilty sometimes because I had always dreaded my parents' deaths, but I think my heart is a little hardened since I lost my child and I just don't think that the hurt can be any deeper even though my Mom was my best friend as was my daughter. I miss them both so much. I guess my grief for the two of them just kinda meshes together. We usually just bring Christin flowers on her birthday. Our first year without her, we had a memorial service at church and before that, we had a little ceremony at her grave where about 100 of her friends came and said nice things and mentioned memories etc. We released a bunch of helium balloons and some had cards connected to them for Chris. It was very healing. We were very dissatisfied with her funeral, so this kind of made up for it. It was the day that her grave stone was put down... beautiful day. Lu

And don't read this while eating your lunch. I could hardly eat this is so tragic. Thank heavens for the pilot - amazing story. Don't forget to read the links in the story too. My condolences go out to the family. May God bless them. Peggy