It sounds like you're setting some good boundries with your sister. You can love her, care for her, listen to her, empathize with her, etc. But don't get caught up in her problems. Set your own personal boundaries, and say things like "Gee I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time" and leave it at that. I have a good friend who sounds like you sister. 44 yrs old, still lives in an appt, shops constantly and doesn't have a dime saved. She had major surgery in Jan & called me in March bawling when she got a hospital bill for $10K, which is her part after ins. paid. She was crying so loud DH could hear. I just kept saying things like, "I'm so sorry you have this stress after having surgery" and "I'm sure you'll be able to work out payments with the hospital." I refused to get invovled or try to solve her problems. When I hung up, DH said "you know, you can give her some money, we have a little to spare." I told him, yes we have a little to spare because we live frugally, shop at Goodwill not Macys, eat at home not eat out, etc. I would not give her money because it would not have helped the problem at all. By the way, that friend is now out shopping with her credit card constaly. Every week she tells me about the new outfits she bought, or the new shoes, or the new craft supplies, new furniture, etc. I wonder if she's paid any of that $10K hospital bill? It also sounds like your sister needs to get a 40 hr a week job, or maybe 2, and forget about owning her own business until she gets her finances in order. She sounds like 2 couples I know, both own their own businesses and are going BROKE right now (construction businesses in a down economy) but neither couple will even consider "working for someone else." Sometimes you have to do what it takes, not what you want. Good luck!

Yes, you are probably right. Ah, the wise voice of someone not directly in my shoes. I was so hoping to be able to be okay without them. I think the SuperBowl set it off. Sheila loved football and the SuperBowl. I was okay last year and thought I would be this year but obviously not. I did well with her birthday in January, and am hoping to not be too bad with the anniversary of her death. Only time will tell. You are right. When we laugh and have a happy moment we do seem to think we are betraying them. I can't remember if I said this on your mama thread but I used to wonder how in the world the sun even DARED to come up when my sister was gone! But I am sure like you said she would not want me this way. And in a way, I am happy for her because she is now with her baby she lost so many years ago. He died when he was 2 days old and that was in 1966. He would have lived if he had been born with the technology of today and I know she was so bitter about it. She did not like children and I believe that was why. She, in a lot of ways, was very unhappy while she was here. So I have to try to remember not to begrudge her being with her baby. So hard to remember sometimes. Well I suppose I had get off here and feed the two dogs and two cats their supper. They are paceing and circleing like sharks! The cats keep walking back and forth in front of my monitor so it does make it difficult to see! Take care and keep in touch. With this forum...we can all get through it together!! April aka Ciberdawg

Ginger, I did a google.com search for blogs for the loss of a child, and found many, MANY personal stories. Here is a link that might be useful: google.com search

My darling husband passed away 15 days ago. We knew each other for 8 years. He was very vibrant and full of life, had a good job house and car. Internally though he was suffering from chronic depression and was addicted to alcohol for many years even before i knew him. It got worse when he lost his mother 3 years ago. He would constantly talk about killing himself, praying that God would take his life. It was like seeing him die everyday. I prayed that he comes out of his depression, went to the psychiatrist to get meds for him, put him in rehab, gave him unconditional love but nothing seemed to work. He stopped eating and would just drink and watch the tv the whole day and night. Any attempt at communication was met with silence. He did not want to talk about anything. He gradually became so weak that he was bed ridden. I would coax him to eat or at least have some soup or juice but it was an uphill task. 3 years and 10 hospitalizations later he is no more. His body and organs were so weak that it could not process any medicines. I just wish that he would be alive today maybe he would have made an effort at living. People tell me that he is free from his worries and depression. I hope he is finally at peace. People say that your love was one sided but i know that he loved me and needed me. He would feel more depressed when i was not around him. I would call him my sunflower. In the end i feel he could not help himself. I miss my darling a lot.