Is it normal/healthy to cry over my dad dying still?

someanonymousone

My dad died when I was 13 and now I'm 17 but I have moments where I completely lose it and go into his closet and hug all his old clothes and wish he would come back and I cry sometimes too but when he died I didnt cry much but now after times passing i seem more sad now than years ago. I also get a really strong sad feeling when hes in my dreams because I miss him and dont wanna leave. i dont cry alot but I feel when I do that im stuck on the past and It's not healthy. i don't know. is this the way it goes?

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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry.

Losing your beloved father is terrible at any time, & to have lost him when you're 13 years old is very very hard.

Sometimes we don't cry right away;
maybe it's shock or something.

When I lost a dear friend, I felt numb for several weeks, just zombie-ish.

Then one day I had a melt down, sobbed & hollered & squalled on & off all day.

We're all different, & every loss is different, & there's no right or wrong way.

& people do go into the closet & hug the clothes,
widows sleep with their husbands' pillows,
etc.


The only thing that rings a little bit of an alarm bell is that you feel more sad now.

Maybe some other things are adding to your grief, & those things need to be disarmed, pronto.

Can you talk to your mother or an aunt or grandmother?
The people in your family who are closest to you are your best bets for some support & encouragement & some insight into what's going on.

&I know it's a cliche, but if you don't feel close enough to someone in your family, you can visit with a school counsellor or a pastor;
just 'interview' them at first, & if it's a good fit, go for it, but it isn't a good fit, smile & thank the person for their help & go somewhere else!

& this is a good place to come to;
there's a lot of compassion & a lot of wisdom here.

Please let us know how it's going.

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sunnyca_gw

My kids lost their dad when he was 48 yrs old. Went to work & died. It was sudden & 15 yr old daughter didn't react for awhile tho all 3 of us, my 17 yr old son spent the night holding on to each other in master bedroom . They were OK to sleep in their rooms after that but I told them to come back if it was a bad night. I think you are getting to age of driving, proms, boys, college or work & that means you are growing up without dad & that is scaring you. My son once said, who is going to teach me to be a man(lucky for him my dad & brother were there for him) but if you think about it you are wanting to tell your dad about these things in your life, good things & bad things but you can't & that really hurts. But you could keep a journal & write about growing up, wish you could have seen me today dad, you would have been so proud,etc. I got an A on my term paper, you would have said____ Just talk to him on paper & I think you might feel closer. I moved to Ca. when I was 20 lived at aunts but so lonely for my family & especially dad, I was only girl, 4 bros. calling him we'd both cry & it was expensive so I poured my heart out in letters to him. I was so lucky as I had my folks out here until mom died last yr & dad shortly before at nearly 96 yrs old. But I never had much in way of grandparents so I had a void when younger. So get your feelings down, notice how they change as time goes on, things will seem a little better, you will go with some kids & have a good time when you didn't think you would, you have so many new & exciting things ahead of you. Grab on to life & do the living for both of you. I've had to do that for my kids as a mom I couldn't just let them flounder. I tried to be happy when I wasn't but finally as time passed the memories were sweeter than the pain. We had a great marriage & wonderful years together. You have a wonderful life ahead if you remember that your dad would not want you to be sad & miserable. Shortly before my dad died he held my hands & said, look at me, I did & he said, I have to tell you something, I want you to miss me when I'm gone, but I don't want you to mourn me. Do you understand! I said I did but as time when on I often hear those words, Miss me, don't mourn me. That means remember me, don't forget who I as but don't grieve & fret & be miserable. Such a difference, miss your dad!! Come here if you need friends or advise. Is your mom doing OK? Can you talk to her? It does get better 4 yrs is not that long. Keep busy, have fun, be a kid & you will make your dad proud.

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jel48

It's months later and I don't know if you're still looking at the forum, but it is totally normal to still cry sometimes. I was 30 years old when my dad died, nearly 30 years ago now. I loved him so much. There was a song called 'Daddy's Hands' that came out about that time, and every time I heard that song I cried again, and again, and again. It can still bring a tear sometimes. The grieving process changes as the years pass, but you might always miss him terribly and feel that twinge of pain, and yes, even cry once in a while. And that's ok. It's normal. We all grieve in our own way. So long as it's only once in a while, I think you are fine. If it is extreme, and if you are constantly in tears, then you might want to seek a professional to help you learn to deal with your loss. Hugs!

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