Tara, it is just amazing how I can relate to your story as well. I was in Philadelphia on campus when I got a call from my sister at right about 5:00PM when she notified me of my mom's passing. And recently, I have been spending most of my time with my good friend who is also a Christian. I asked him how to convert someone into Christian if there's no "legitimate proof" that a non-christian would believe in. He told me that the proof is clear and its everywhere..it's just that we fail to recognize them. Well, I'm guessing 5:00PM is good! I'm not sure if I'm making any sense right now, but I believe that all of our moms are having a wonderful time right now, especially since we all have faith in Him. I think the best way to interpret the reason behind our mothers' early departure is to bring us closer to Him. I just read a verse in the Bible last night and it says that if you are able to give up anything for Him, even a family member, you will find eternal happiness in Heaven. My mom's passing reminds me of how much she loved me. Sacrifice is love I heard...how Son of God died for our sins. If I didn't have faith..I probably would have gone crazy. The more I try to understand Him, the less painful it gets. I know..it's hard to keep up with all of the prayers everyday...but try to think more about God and try to appreciate everything that has happened. Appreciate even the smallest thing, like a nice weather you know... It sounds crazy, I know, but everything really happens for the good of us. I wish I knew the exact answer to this but I'm sure He is putting us through such testimony to make us into someone better. Remember that we only have one chance in life... so make the best out of it to serve Him. And start going to church if you havn't....I have been really good about going to church since my mom's passing, but every week, I learn something new and something relevant. For example...we had an Easter prayer meeting last Friday and the pastor reminded us about His love and to love one another like how He loves us. He also mentioned to ask forgiveness (to someone you know...ie friends) if you did something wrong in the past. The following day, I was on AIM and saw my very first GF online. I told her I was sorry for what happened before and she actually said "it's okay it's past." It is just crazy...for EIGHT years, she has not said a word to me and has been ignoring me since I tried to talk to her after the breakup (I was a jerk...). I felt 100x better than what I was after being forgiven...So I strongly encourage everyone to keep their faith strong and try to go to church regularly. Going to Heaven is not all about going to church though...it's about your personal relations with God. I hope everyone is doing well and please KIT! This forum is also very helpful for me as well... GL with everyone!!!

Payton, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can relate to what you are going through. I just lost my mom on January 1st of this year. She was a young 50 years old, and suffered a horrible painful death due to Scleroderma and Pulmonary Hypertension. Basically, she couldn't breathe anymore, and her lungs and heart failed her. I just turned 23 years old a few weeks ago. Life sure does seem unfair doesn't it? We are so young to have to endure this kind of pain and emptiness. The only thing that gets me through it is having faith in God and the love of family and friends around me. No matter how alone you feel, you are NEVER completely alone. There is always someone else out there going through a similar situation as you too. Unfortunately death is a part of life that we all must learn to deal with. My mom was my best friend, and sadly I realized just how much she means to me after she was already gone. I wish I could have told her that she was the best mom in the entire world and that I am a good person because of her. I would consider myself to have been a good daughter, but there is so much more I wish I would have done. I took for granted that she would always be there for me, and that she would never dieat least not for another 20 or 30 years. God had other plans though. You and I both need to realize that no matter how much we did, we never would have felt like it was enough. I guess it's hard to repay the person who gave you life and loved you unconditionally like no one else could. This journey of grief you face has only just begun, as has mine. However, I choose to believe people when they say it will get easier. Not a day goes by that I won't think about my mom or miss her deeply, as I'm sure this is the same for you, but with time maybe we can learn to cope with their passing. I think losing one's mother is possibly the hardest thing to go through, so if we make it through this then there is nothing we can't handle. When I feel really sad sometimes, I try to remember how my mom would want me to be. She wouldn't want me to stop living my life and be depressed during the days I have left. She would want me to make her proud and be a good person, and that's what I'm going to try to do. Treasure the memories you have with your mom, and never forget how much she loved you. She knows you loved her too, and wouldn't want you to feel any guilt. One thing we can be thankful for is that our moms' arenÂt suffering any longer, and they now have the most beautiful heavenly bodies. My mom couldn't handle anymore physical pain, and I'm grateful she doesn't have to be trapped inside that failing body anymore. I selfishly want her here with me of course, but she was too good of a person to endure so much pain. Remember, someday soon we will join our moms' again, and be reunited with big hugs from them! Try to make her proud everyday, and remember it's okay to cry too. We will always miss them, but death isn't the end. It's just a temporary separation until we join them again on the other side. Take care and remember you are not alone. You will get through this and always keep your mom's memory in your heart. She may be gone, but her love for you will never die. I wish you well, Lisa

Fairlight, what a beautiful way of expressing your Mother. What a good daughter you were to her. My sincere condolences to you. My Mom has been from this earth 26 years, and I still miss her. But what she taught me, I hold dear. Jan

Hi Joanne, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I could have written your post a little more than three years ago. My mom had the same symptoms as your mom. She kept complaining about shoulder pain for months and even went for ortho surgery on her shoulder. After that she still didn't get better and her appetite was non-existent. When she was hospitalized for shortness of breath, the ER doctor ran a CT and found a mass in her lung. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and passed away 3 weeks after her diagnosis. I wrote all this to tell you to be careful about your grief. I went thru a very hard time after my mother's death. I think part of the reason was the suddeness of her loss and being caught totally off guard and the guilt that I didn't realize how sick she was. My complicated grief evolved into a severe depression. I too tried to go through daily activities such as work, shopping, etc., but 6 months later I only felt more devestated and sad. I sought the help of a grief couselor who recogized the symptoms were more than just grief.You don't have to wait until you find you can't deal with it to get help. I believe a grief couselor is always helpful to guide you through a severe life trama that can result from losing a loved one. It will always be hard but you do get stronger and the joy will come back to your life. That's hard for you to believe but it will. I will keep you and your boys in my prayers. Hugs, Barbara