Dear Lisab,
I am so sorry that your mam passed away and also sorry that you had a fight with your sibling because this is the time when you really need each other.
If your husband hasn't lost anyone close to him then he can't relate, I have been there (my husband) and I know the pain but you have to fight through it, your children need their mother.
Your mam was a wonderful mother and friend which is why her passing hurts so much. Seeing her photos and talking with people about her should bring you comfort, I know she would love to see you smile and remember her with her friends. It will be hard in the beginning but each time it will get easier and it will make your mam happy.
Please try not to be angry because it is blocking your peace. To be able to feel her presence you have to be open to it and I don't think you are allowing yourself that yet.
I am not professional therapist, just a woman who has been where you are and can tell you that you will be happy again but you have to let it happen.
I wish you all the very best and God Bless.
PS. I am from the north east of England and we say mam. Are you from that area?

Yes I live in northumberland, thanks for your post. It's hard because so much physical time has passed but I still feel lyk it was yesterday, my pain feels lyk it's getting bigger. I'm just so sick of everything I'm so angry with her for not tellin me and leaving me

Hi Lisab,

I also lost my Momma in August of 08 and Mav63 was one of the people that left me some wonderful thoughts to ponder.

I know how you are feeling.....there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about my Momma. It has been almost two years and the pain can still be as fresh as if it were only yesterday. I was SO VERY angry the day she passed. It overwhelmed me and brought me to my knees. But as time has passed, the anger has subsided and now, I just feel a terrible loneliness that I cannot explain to anyone and feel they will understand. I think I will feel this the rest of my life....BUT....I also know Momma would be extremely upset with me for the amount of time I have allowed grief to have a grip on me.

Walk proud, hold your head high and continue to love her as you always have because love is more than a feeling and forever is more than a word. She is still with you no matter where she is or where you are.

I knew my Momma had no control over what was happening to her so I could not be angry with her. I felt cheated. I felt SHE had been cheated, it was not fair for her. She was only 64 and had suffered tremedously. I am grateful for the relief from her suffering but my selfishness can overcome me some days.....I just want to hear her voice, touch her face, smell her scent.

May you be blessed and find relief to your heavy heart. May the world wash away your pain and you see the sunshine one day soon :)

Thanks 4 ur kind words, I just wish this saddness wud leave me, I'm still so hurt so angry. I've been trying to seek counselling for all these feelings but I have been referred to a physchiatrist instead as my doctor thinks I'm bi polar? I just need someone to talk to these feeling are trapped in me and it's killing me

Lisab,
If you want to talk or vent this is a very good place to do it. No one here will judge you and maybe we can be of some help.

Lisab, if you are still on this website, I need you to know - what you expressed was exactly how I felt when I lost my Mom 2 years ago - I am married with kids as well but you still feel lost without them. My husband did the best he could and my girls were awesome, but it still creeps up in me sometimes, it's an awful feeling, please know it will get easier and it won;t feel so bad like it does now. I hope you respond, would love to hear that you are coming along better. God Bless
Theresa

hi and greetings from canada. although i didn't lose my mom i did lose my husband. i to had to do everything myself and it's been 3 years and i am still going thru his things. he has 3 sisters and not one of them helped me at all with anything. we live in a city that was 2 cities and they made it into one (stupid i know) well when the life support was turned off we were in the little family room and this sister already decided that MY husband would be cremated and that the funeral home would be on her side of town. i am not one to be vocal but i put my foot down and said he would be buried and the funeral home would be the one 2 miles down the street from me. well she started yelling that don't you dare ask for one cent . the last time i saw these sisters was at their brothers funeral and they didn't exchange one word with me. my husband was very ill for 10 years and i along with our 2 children who were about 8 nd 13 at the time took are of them,the only time they visited their brother was when he was in the hospital so they could put on a show.
the reason i am writing you this long note is so that YOU can see that YOU did everything perfectly, and more likely than not the way your mom would have wanted, i bet she is looking down and you right now and is smiling that you did things the way she would have done it. people are funny, and we all grieve differently, me i visit my dh everyday i have been doing this for the 3 1/2 years and i walk the 31/2 miles each way he has been gone, our son visits 3 times a week and our daughter has not been to the cemetery (well she sits in the car) to see the lovely headstone the 3 of us chose for him. so as i say to other friends, i did what Al would have wanted and i can hold my head up high and not give any excuses for why i did a certain thing. so give yourself a big pAT on the back debbie