Dear Deb, My heart goes out to you as you try to belileve in a life after this one. My faith was stringhtened by being with my Momma when she died. Not because I was just with her. But because I witnessed something I can not explaine, to myself or to others. I was sitting on the sofa that day and I noticed that my Mom's breathing was odd. They call it 'fish out of water breathing'. It went on for a while and we could not get her to rouse up or respond in anyway. We knew it was her time to pass and my sister and I sat on either side of her, each holding a hand. Just before she died she opened her eyes, focused on something over our sholders and shook off our hands, and raised her arms, then in weakness her arms fell down, once more before her very last breath she shook off our hands and reached up her arms, like a small child asking to be held, her eyes opened and tears sprung into them, she had a look of complete surprise, then she smiled a small smile and exhaled. That was it, she was gone. I looked at my sister and said 'did you see that too'? And my sister said she had. I was stunned. My Momma saw something or someone I could not see. I remember looking back over my sholder to see what she was looking at. I know she was reaching up to hold someone, she was happy to see them. Was it my Dad who had died a year before, or her parents who had been gone many years? I guess I will not know who came to get her until I see her again... I only know without doubt that my Mom died in front of me and she went from our hands into the arms of someone unseen by us. I believe it was my Dad. That expierence changed me and gave me a stringth in my faith like nothing else I have expierenced so far in my short 50 years. So I can tell you without doubt, I know there is another life beyond this life. I hope this can help you. I do not tell this to many people because in the retelling with just mere words, I can not convey the awe, or magnitute of the expierence itself. I pray that you will find comfort soon. For me, grief has been like the sharp edge of a knife that cuts away at my soul, and time has been the only substance that has been able to dull the edge of the knife. I send you love and positive energy for healing.

Hello every one! I would just like to take this opportunity to thank you 3 for your words. Much appreciated! Lulie, Can't imagine how it is to later also loose your 19 year old. Some say it's even "harder" than loosing a parent. Though, in my humble opinion, a loss is a loss. We feel the same hurt and emotions. Although, I obviously miss her very much, I am happy she didn't really suffer and that it was relatively quick. Just felt it was too soon and definitely preventable. Makes me a little angry thinking about it to tell you all the truth. If only she had been willing to see the doctor on a regular basis. Unfortunately that was her own choosing. I realize there was nothing I could have done there. I keep thinking of that point over and over from time to time. I know I shouldn't. To avoid thinking about the "...should have, could have..." scaariios. How did you get from the day you lost your mother/daughter to this day? Just try to take things one day at a time? Keeping busy doing things you normally would have done? Curious. Any one can comment on this btw... Me, I'm just taking it day by day. As I said. Lately, it's just the mornings that are hard for some odd reason. As the day goes on I have an "easier" time. Though, for the past few days, my mornings have been better. Shorter bouts of saddness. Jennmonkey, As I mentioned. I'm presently unemployed so I haven't gone through what you just mentioned yet. Though, when I was working I never called home to my mother. I think it's coming home after work and not seeing her around that might hit me initially. Or not. I don't know. Can I ask you how it was being only 19 and loosing your mother at that time? If it's too hard to talk about I'll understand. I'm just thinking that is about the time you're in University preparing for your life. How for some people it might hinder their ability to function. Especially in such a difficult time. And I though my time with my mother was "short"...39 years. Also can I ask you how old you are now? I just hope I don't suddenly loose control of my emotions at work. Maybe I'm a little old fashioned. That "men shouldn't cry" at least in public. I suppose it's the same either way when you're at work. You don't want your co-workers to think you're freaking out. Going postal. That and you don't really want to tell them all you had recently lost a parent and treat you "special". Any how, thanks again for your comments people! I will definitely keep you posted. I do feel better being able to talk with people who have also lost a family member. It never hits you till it happens to you. Have a good week!

I lost my mother over two years ago to cancer. I found this forum last night, and cried my heart out I think for the first time since she passed. Reading others posts and knowing that there are people out there dealing with the same emotions is comforting. If you can't find a support group or a friend who understands, then please feel free to share it with everyone on this forum. People just don't understand until they are in your shoes, so don't pay any attention to what they say - I truly think they just don't get it. When my Mom was sick, my MIL (to-be) would come over to my house and remark that my house was too messy. Can you believe that? I was appalled that anyone would think that sitting at home cleaning my house was more important than spending time with my sick mother, knowing her days were numbered. I'm still bitter about it, and probably always will be, but honestly, I love my MIL and all I can say is some people just don't get it. I think you and I have bigger hearts than most, and that's the only way I can find logic with such ungodly insensitive behavior. I have cats and dogs, and sometimes, I think animals are better companions at times like this. Whenever I am feeling sad, my animals KNOW it, and they never let me down. I know it may seem difficult to do, but I dug out a lot of old pics of my Mom and seeing her in those "happy" moments makes me feel better. It helps me think about what I had when we were together instead of dwelling on what I've lost. I hope that makes sense. Carry those happy memories in your heart - it's what she would want you to remember, and in that way, she is still there with you every day. My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for your loss. Be well.

Hello all... thanks for all the kind words. I am still trying to struggle through the day. Somedays I am ok, but others not that great. It was her birthday on October 20th. She would have been 64 or "39" as she would have said. We went to the park and fed the ducks... she always liked to do that. I also brought daisys and popped the tops off and placed them in the water. I miss the way that I would call her and she would be willing to go with me on what ever adventure I wanted to go on that day. She was always there for me. I know I am lucky to have a person like that and that it was my Mom, but it hurts no less. I am trying to build a new "normal". It is rough though because everything I do reminds me of her. I started to move around furniture in our house and I was thinking that everything I touched we bought together. She was a great decorator and I have no decorating sense at all. I just wonder when the feeling that I am completly lost and alone will go away. The holidays are coming and I hate it. I think we are going to plan a vacation at Christmas so I don't have to think about it. I don't know about Thanksgiving. Mom used to make the best mashed potatoes. This is so freaking hard. I think I am going to check into counseling again. It is so hard because I put on a strong face when I am out, but crumble when I get to my car or at home. I talk to my husband, but I don't think he really understands. What do you all do for the holidays?? Any ideas on how to get through them?