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All of you are starting to really anger me. Tracystoke with her post:"yawn ,yawn ,get out and about and sniff smells" is about as disrespectful and rude as it gets. The others nitpicking and thinking they have all the answers and solutions to secrecy's desperate cry for help. I understand that he gives reasons why he can't do certain things that are suggested to him. Why is he being accused of making excuses. I see cold heartless responses and "You are the problem" when met with lack of an instant "Eureka!!!" moment default everyday suggestions that really can not work in his situation. He has and told us he has been diagnosed. He has to battle a mental illness. He is depressed. His home situation is deplorable. Does everyone think he really is possibly lazy, or doesnt want to have a job or bother looking for one, etc. etc. etc.??? HELLOOOOOO! He is reaching out for advice and telling someone with his illness and home situation to go get a job, or stay with someone else, etc. just doesn't cut it. I am sure some of the people mean well. I myself am on disability, with a couple illnesses with no cure. By the way, I also have Narcolepsy. I am stuck in an abusive situation just to keep a roof over my head and not end up homeless. Secrecy, I have a couple suggestions, and will understand if you have difficulties with them. Just try your best. The first good thing you are doing for yourself is asking for help, and sticking to your guns and not dropping off this thread and giving up (at least to as far as I have read). You do sleep so much with depression, let alone any other problems with it. If you can, try to get on several different additional forums such as one for Mental health or depression, looking for work is an insane undertaking at this point in your life. Does everyone really think that if secrecy gets a job how can he actually function with the mental and physical state he is in? Number 1, try to get help with depression, maybe getting medications, help with how to COPE with your home situation. Number 2, try to get from Mental Health doctor a referral to a sleep center to get tested for Narcolepsy. If indeed diagnosed with that too, medicine will do wonders and get you in a regular sleep cycle. If you don't have it, then,you know depression is a big factor. I am not going to guess or diagnose, just adding on to what you have told us. If you try and work with Mental Health, (therapy/meds), learn to cope with home situation (for now, not forever),(through therapy and/or support forums) - ask the people at mental health if you can qualify for their housing. Most Mental Health facilities in just about every town in the US has rooms, group homes, apts. set up for their patients. if they don't, I know they have referrals to agencies that will help. I wish you the best of luck and many blessings for your recovery from the nightmare you have been living in. Do not give up! I have a list of how to help or not help people with chronic illness written by Not Done Living: DON�T assume because I look well that I feel well. Looks can be very deceiving. Many days I look great, but I feel terrible. DON�T tell me you know how I feel. No one knows how anyone else feels. Two people with the same disease may feel totally different. We all have varying thresholds of pain, and pain cannot be measured. DON�T tell me about your great-aunt GERTRUDE and her illness, and how well she managed in spite of it. I am not AUNT GERTRUDE, and I am doing my best. DON�T tell me, "It could be worse". Yes, it could be, but I don�t need to be reminded. DON�T decide what I am capable of doing. Chronic physical illness doesn�t affect the brain. Allow me to decide what activities I can participate in. There may be times I might make the wrong decision, and if I do, I�ll know it soon enough. DON�T be upset that you cannot ease my pain. It won�t do any good for both of us to be miserable. DON�T ask me how I feel unless you really want to know. You may hear a lot more than you are prepared to listen to. DON�T assume because I did a certain activity yesterday that I can do it today. Chronic illness and pain is ever-changing. DON�T tell me about the latest fad �cure�. I want to be cured more than anything, and if there is a legitimate cure out there, my doctor will let me know. DO learn everything you can about the disease. The more you know, the better equipped you will be to know what to expect. DO realize I am angry and frustrated with the disease, not with you. DO let me know you are available to help me when I ask. I�ll be grateful. DO offer me lots of hugs and encouragement. DO understand why I cancel plans at the last minute. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel. Chronic illness is like that. DO continue to invite me to all the activities. Just because I am not able to bike ride along with the gang does not mean I can�t meet you for the picnic at the end of the trail. Please let me decide � If I cancel activities, please do not stop inviting me. I do not deserve to be shut out or forgotten and left alone. Do not give up on my life, I have a hard time doing that myself.

Straycat.. This is exactly what I want to communicate in this documentary.. as I mentioned on another thread.. many of us have the same voice same stories same thoughts.. I think we have to band together and express ourselves.. what will our society be like in the future if this is an acceptable practice. You know that by treating us the way they do, they are showing their children that this is an appropriate behavior. I have been talking to Mark Sichel about this and he has agreed to be part of my video as well as an advisor.. he said "I have a great deal of information on this now for my second book which I may finish writing some day, but it's all about the success of relationships having to do with virtue & character. People need a higher purpose (like the correctness of family relationships) and a commitment to courage, humility, correctness....or the result is disastrous. Unfortunately the psychopathic narcissistic behavior is encouraged in our world by commercialism, corporate greed, etc" I think he is right on and at the same time.. I feel sadly as you do.. I could not let them in my life.. I could not trust them ever again... they are total strangers.. big big hugs..

My $.02, for what it's worth, take what you like from it: I think the key to addressing these "furies" (they do exist, I can tell you from my own personal feelings having had them) is just to have some empathy for them. It's the difference between seeing the list cited above as "evidence" or "proof" of SD's rotten-ness versus truly trying to imagine yourself in SD's shoes to be able to see how good, average, decent people might have those feelings in these situations. Books like the one mentioned aren't written (hopefully!) as a warning to never marry someone with kids because the SK's "furies" are liquid evil incarnate, nor are they written to create even deeper rifts/divides between step-parents and step-children. They're written to help people understand all sides of the issue so they can be more compassionate and sensitve to each other's needs/feelings so they can become closer. For example, I've heard accounts from many SM's throughout my life about how upset/jealous/irate they have become just looking at their SD's giving their Dad a hug... or having such thoughts as "why should SHE get an Ipod when all I had was a big clunky 8-track when I was her age?" or "it burns me up how spoiled SD expects college to be paid for when I didn't even go at all". I guess you might call these sorts of feelings "furies" as well... Ipod, master bedroom, college expenses... all are comparsions between both parties as to "who gets to get what" and hugging Dad/going to adult party with Dad are issues on both sides of "who gets Dad's primary attention today"... So that might make it easier to understand. And just as an SM doesn't want to be judged or condemned as rotten through-and-through for feelings such as these (or even occasional, natural private feelings of "hate" when moments are at their worst), same goes for SK's. As for what can be done about all this, imho there's no way around both parties having to walk on eggshells a bit more than is usual in bio families, each trying to bend over backwards (within reason) to consider the other's sensitivities, even if at some moments it feels like eating glass. Even if it feels like they shouldn't *have* to make the extra effort. Taking some minor amount of cr*p here and there, up to a limit. Being somewhat flexible and definitely keeping a sense of humor. Showing an appropriate amount of humility and real-ness with the other party so neither comes off like they think they're superior or out to muscle their way on everything. The art of meeting halfway and mutual sacrifice for the greater good, the art of picking and even sometimes *losing* "battles" for a bigger long-term picture. Getting a lot less picky about little petty junk, for if nothing else your own sanity. Knowing that you can only control/change yourself and your own actions and figuring out how to adjust accordingly and react to situations to your satsfaction without thinking someone else will change. And as for speaking up and feeling heard, learning about something called "assertiveness training" helps A LOT (it's definitely helped me, anyways...)