This comes from a true animal lover who as I type have 2 rescues laying at my feet. Lola has to go. To a home that is suitable for her in every way. Your roommates are being selfish and putting their desires above what is best for Lola. That is not love for an animal, that is pure human selfishness. But what's worse, this is a nightmare waiting to happen. And the collective lot of you will be on the hook when it does. I generally have a no pets policy, not the pets fault. Anyway, I relented & broke that policy about 5 years ago for a shepherd mix, sweet & docile as they come, on the condition my tenant secure renters insurance with high liability limits and provide proof of vaccinations. The real problems would have started with my own insurance company had that dog shown any aggression or caused harm to anyone, particularly on the property. I learned through my agent later that many insurance companies (including the one that insures our rental property) maintain a list of 'high risk' dog breeds. (Google and you'll see.) Lola is a combination of two breeds that consistently show up on these lists. This is one reason why more and more landlords are refusing pets. I've since gone back to my no pets policy and there won't be any more exceptions. Lola has already gone after multiple dogs, and dear lord, a child. I know a child who from the age of 3 has gone through multiple re-constructive surgeries to her face after the family pet with no prior aggressive tendencies bit her. Get Lola out of there. You are all sitting on a ticking bomb. One that has repercussions that go far beyond those from breaking a lease or getting booted out or something similar. Lola hurts someone and there is a lawsuit you, every last roommate, and probably your (unenlightened?) landlord as well will be named in it. One that could financially wipe every last one of you out before you even get started in life. And Lola will pay the highest price: losing her life. And if you show your roommates this, and they snicker & don't take it seriously, I'd encourage you to do some googling and research on lawsuits from dog bites as well. You are all probably too young to remember the Diane Whipple case in San Francisco. It gained national attention & has continued to stir heated debates ever since. She was attacked in the hallway of her apartment building by her neighbor's dogs. Ms. Whipple lost her life, as did the dogs, and the owners were charged with murder. On August 23, 2010, the First District Court of Appeal in San Francisco ruled 3-0 that Marjorie Knoller acted with a conscious disregard for human life when her Presa Canario escaped and killed Diane Whipple in 2001. Knoller is serving a sentence of 15 years to life.... In addition to the criminal charges, Sharon Smith also succeeded in suing Knoller and Noel for $1,500,000 in civil damages. Take this seriously. Act now. For everyone's benefit, especially for Lola. It's not worth it. It's just not.

Sadly, he can probably get off more easily than any of us would like to think. I don't know, but the realist in me says find a way to move. You can't depend on the neighbor's being incarcerated to go forward with a normal life. It sounds like your neighbor's "crew" still assembles despite his absence. If he and his friends disappear, is there potential for a replacement problem group taking up "residence" in your immediate vicinity. Could you have friends over for an impromptu summer bbq? It seems as though you can't plan anything outdoors so long as your neighbor's son & his friends are around. I can see this getting worse first before/rather than better. Things are definitely not in your favor with regard to the current real estate market, or for that matter, the economy in general. However, when it gets to the point that your kids can't safely go outside to play on a nice day, and you are living in daily fear, is it really worth your sanity and that of everyone in your family? I am a fighter as well as a total optimist. Before reading about your situation, I would have adamantly defended my right to live in my home. I would not allow the behavior of another make me move from a home I created. However, under your circumstance, I would definitely consider all options, moving being one of them. Is there a reasonable possibility that your neighborhood will get progressively worse, or is this an isolated thing within a 10 block radius of your home? If I were to take a walk in your neighborhood, would the gang presence be obvious to me? What is the the town like overall? It may be a strategic move to get out of this neighborhood now before it becomes reputed for its higher potential for crime? Also, I can't remember if you mentioned having any pets. If you do, they need protection from this situation as well. I wish I felt more optimistic about this getting better for your family. You and your DH are the only two people who can gauge what your home life will be going forward if you do stay in your current home. Also, I don't know the ages of your children and how "at risk" they are being next door to this kid and his friends.

Thanks for your kind words. And yes, absolutely .. enabling detrimental behavior is very destructive to the child and all relationships involved -present and future. Yes, also, to the truth that "being a step-parent is really, really hard, even for those of us who thought we had a good situation." I'm convinced that all positions in the step-family have their intrinsic difficulties. And, there can be real enduring love. It's still challenging for me, trust me. One boundary I'm grateful that I set in the beginning w/my husband is that I would never - ever - say a bad word about his children's mother. I've kept my word (except for the occasional slip w/him - but never w/or near the step kids). I've kept that promise w/my sons too. I also let him know - in no uncertain terms - that I would have a very difficult time respecting him if he spoke ill of his ex-wife (or me!) to his children. Kids who hear their parents trash each other get deeply wounded (after all, both parents are part of the child!). So, I bit my tongue - lots. Admittedly, quite often more out of self-preservation, than immediate concern for them: I didn't want to feed them any excuses to turn on me. Moreover, I have had genuine concern for their well being. My step-family challenges have been almost insurmountable w/the sudden death of my beloved son (3 1/2 years ago). There is no loss for a parent equal to that of a child; most simply - it's the worst loss - catastrophic, in fact. In order to honor my grief, I needed to drop any over-reaching attempts to stay connected to my step-children. All 4 are young adults who basically have no interest (or capability) in staying connected to me. I haven't been able to fill my old role (bringer together of family) w/them since my son's death. And they have been incapable of stepping into their adult roles - not only w/me, but pretty much across the board. Yes, enabling immature behaviors can cripple people. I find it too emotionally taxing to be around them much. And so, I'm not. I've let go of all expectations of them. And that's truly been a good thing to do. Over time, I've been able to see that there was a season in their younger lives that I was able to be there for them as a kind of hostess providing opportunities to allow them to connect w/their father. We had lots of good times together. In retrospect, I recognize it would have been better to let my husband figure out how to stay connected w/his kids .. or at least, not to have done as much as I did. Death rearranges everything. My step-kids have backed off and while it's a loss, frankly it's a loss w/benefits. I don't have to be in the midst of their sad power plays for attention. Not only don't I have to be, I would not be able to withstand it emotionally. It's better for my relationship w/my husband to have less to do w/them - at least for now. I have my younger son, also a young adult, whose life has been devastated by the loss of his brother, I have my son's widow and my beautiful 4 year old grand-daughter in my life. I'm blessed. There's tremendous love between us all. We are all adjusting to life w/out our loved one, each in our own way. And, like so many people who have suffered catastrophic loss, it's better for us not to have to interact w/people who suffer arrested development. I choose not to associate w/drama junkies, but w/people who are capable of sustained respect for themselves and others. My deepest connection is w/God. Maybe they'll come around. Maybe not. One thing is for certain: I will not be chasing them. And that's okay, I trust that the choice to grow up, or not, belongs to them alone. Hopefully, they will choose what's in their best interest. Thank you in advance for reading this. It helped me to simply write. And again, if something is helpful, please take it. If not, go ahead and leave it :) Wishing you the very best in your marriage and family.

I have my own biological children, but they are grown and his is young. I agree with vivian "I would not have married a man with children if I was hesitant even for a moment that I would not love or care for those children, or that I didn't want them 100% involved in my life." I love kids and was excited to have a young child in my life again, as I enjoyed the school age years with my kids. However, I was not expecting her mother to be so difficult in allowing me to have any sort of relationship with her daughter. I don't think it is EVER easy, but I do think it can be rewarding, after lots and lots of work. But, not always. Raising kids can be thankless, whether they are your own or someone else's. I think it is easier to be in a situation where both parents understand what they are bringing to the table and what the other is bringing. There has to be some sort of balance. When you have a family where one partner has children and the other doesn't, there's more opportunity for the childless partner to feel they are putting up with more. IF both partners have children, they generally should have to put up with as much BS as they bring. Lets face it, kids are demanding and sometimes difficult, nobody has perfect angels all the time. I take a fair amount of crap in dealing with my stepdaughter's mom and my stepdaughter's attitude toward me because of things her mom tells her. At the same time, my husband deals with stuff my kids do. If one of us didn't have any kids, I would think it might be harder for that person. If they have children together, they also run the risk of favoritism. My sister married a guy that treated her son like his own, until she had another child by him. Then his child was the 'golden' boy and it wasn't fair. I'm not saying that always happens, but it's something to be sensitive to when a childless person gets together with a single parent. The children that are there first deserve to be considered and treated fairly, ALWAYS.