Thanks for all the encouragement guys! Luckily none of them are completely covered with paint, the worst ones are probably 2/3 covered. I was more worried about the systemic effects. I have a wonderfully handy, helpful husband. Unfortunately his heart is sometimes bigger than his brain (sound familiar?). He is good at an awful lot of things, but plants are not one of them! In the last 2 weeks he broke one of two main stems on my clerodendrum ugandense, and didn't even know he did it. So I figured that was a good chance to try rooting it in water. It started rooting in two days! Then I found a little mini rose in an old rose bed, where I thought everything had either died or been transplanted years ago. We were cutting back a volunteer oak sapling, and underneath was a tiny healthy mini rose. A few days later I'm trying to dig it up from next to the oak to give it a chance, and he says let me help, and before I know what he's doing he starts to chop. Next thing you know, he's chopped most of the way through where the stem and main root join. So, new experiment: we joined the two pieces together with electrical tape-which is fairly stretchy, and planted it in a pot in the shade. It's been over a week and it's still alive. I figure I'll give it a few weeks to hopefully heal, and if it makes it, I'll carefully dig it up and remove the tape. Now the paint. But it could be worse-on one of the forums recently a lady mentioned her husband just accidentally killed 3 of her roses. It's nice to know my little tough rose that's survived neglect, drought, too small a pot, and almost total shade, should make it through one more time!

Update: For the past 2 weeks I have been preparing yard and house for Son's Grad Party which took place this past weekend. It was well attended and overall went fairly smooth. My husband decided he couldn't wait anymore and talked to my son about things (without me being present). I was able to talk with son later, he says he "understands" and just wishes I didn't have to go. Have tried to give him opportunity to speak about his feelings My husband has laid on lots of guilt. Underneath it all have been the ugly conversations with my husband. Husband has now informed me that I can't take any of my furniture with me when I leave. "How would our son feel if he came home and (some of) the furniture is gone?" He tells me I can't take a large family painting (that my uncle painted) with me because he would have to paint the wall underneath and that wouldn't be fair. (I'm not joking) The lastest is the surprise vacation that husband reserved back in Feb. I told him all along not to include me in those plans. Now since my son doesn't know that I don't want to go, husband says and I quote "bite the bullet and go." My daughter is also going, so husband says it "still could be fun". However, I know that son and gf will have their own room- I just don't want to be part of that anymore. I feel sick. I confronted husband about the (nude)pictures of gf on the computer. He tells me that he would NEVER do such a thing. He was offended that I would think such horrible things about him. I have proof that he hacked the gf's Facebook account. He went so far as to change the email contact information on her profile, so that everytime she changed her password he was being informed by email. And I am the one who has not been loyal to him, and believes only the worst. Tells me that he has covered my donkey with our son(because I don't come home til 8pm most evenings)and defended me.

Does he charge by the hour? (or 'sort of'?) In other words, can he put a specific dollar value on his time? And how much value would he put on fun time together? The reason I'm asking is that my husband is also a workaholic -- it's just his nature, and not something I'm going to be able to change, I think. But he's also a reasonable man who values his family. He used to spend hours every weekend doing yardwork -- not because he enjoyed it, but because it needed to be done. Once we had a 'price' for his time, it was easy to see what those hours spent doing yardwork were "worth" to have someone else do. If he valued his time at $50/hour and would 'spend' an additional $50/hour for special time spent together, he could have spent $300 to have his three hours of yardwork done and come out even. It only cost $40, so he was able to rationalize that it was money well spent.

Since I don't know the full story ie your husbands side and also only what you wrote here it sounds to me like your husband is abusive. Sounds like my ex. (note we had an amicable divorce and we still talk on occasion like friends). At some point when I'd tried to be whatever it was he said he wanted and nothing changed I moved to the never let his things about looser etc. get me down instead I continued to build my self-confidence and it just got worse. It wasn't me, it was him. He had to put me down to make him feel better about himself. He would have preferred me being completely dependent on him and not the self-sufficent person I am by nature. Which in the beginning I was more dependent on him. You are not doing anything wrong - keep repeating that to yourself. I see nothing you're doing wrong. You are caring for your daughter, you love your husband, you are working and supporting yourself. I don't see you doing anything wrong. What I think is that your husband has other issues and he is just taking them out on you and making himself feel better in the process. Social sites and being on sex sites is not normal for a married man, however I doubt that is your fault either. My ex cheated on me so it made my decision really easy. My 2nd husband and I dated for three years and was married for two years without living together during the week. Long distance can work, both people have to be comitted to it. Did your moving make things worse? I'm guessing it was pretty bad before you moved and if he said something like I'd kill you then you definetly did the right thing for you and your daughter to move. Why not try reading up some on verbally abusive spouses and see if this fits what you've been dealing with and go from there. I wouldn't want my daughter (or son) to be around that as then they grow up thinking that is how men treat women, which trust me they don't. My second husband is wonderful and there is nothing like it in our relationship. One thing with an abusive relationship is that us women often become very attached and think we are doing something wrong and think we are very much in love. Once you realize and sort of wake up to what the relationship is it makes it much easier to decide what to do. As I said I don't know if yours is a verbally abusive relationship or not, but I encourage you to read up on it and see if your husband fits the patterns. I never thought my ex was until I read a true crime book and saw all the signs in it on my ex. and after that is when I got my self-confidence back and started working on myself and let those things roll off my back. I wish I'd decided to leave then too instead of sticking it out (we didn't have children), which was dumb as I thought I still loved him. I care for him, but I don't love him.