I;m so glad I found this forum today. I lost my beautiful son Brian just over 3 months ago. he died Nov. 22nd 08 it was just after midnight and he was driving his date home when he was hit head on by @#$% showing of his car. Brian was only 18 years old and I am so devastated!!! he had just graduated high school only 5 months earlier. He had everything in the world going for him. His date lindsey is recorvering well, I would say thank god but i no longer believe. my son died saving her life.the police said Brian did everything he could to get off the road without crashing into this huge wooden planter. he could have gone off the road and he might have lived but she surly would have died. the @#$%ing monster still hasn't been arrested and i am so full of rage and sadness. I am married to my high school sweet heart Ricky we have 4 surviving kids Jenny age 26 Rick age 23 Rose age 17 Was 16 when it happened John age 15 was14 when it happened rose and John just had birthdays and all I could think was that one day they will be older than Brian. My husband and I were so heartbroken we couldn't even help plan his funeral. My daughter did everything. and I know she did the best she could but I feel more should have been done. over 600 people came to his wake.It was like a horrible blurry dream. I really can't remember much. It was so over whelming. all these people, alot I didn;t even know all wanted to hug me and express ther condolenses even his kindergarden teacher was there. and I promised Brian I would not embarress him so kept my "game face" on but the whole time I just wanted to scream my head off. Brian was the kind of person who made friends everywhere he went. I'm glad with all my heart he was so loved but I'm still freaked out It was so over whelming. I still can't leave my house. I feel like everyone is staring at me. I know they're not. I never went back to work. It's only been a few months but I feel so bad. I hate laughing i feel so guilty that every time I have a "good day" i just punish myself for the next few days. We buried Brian the day befor thanks giving. His birthday was the day before xmas eve. I wanted him cremated because I can not bear to think of his beautiful face rotting in that box. his father brothers and sisters refused. I have not visited his grave since valentines day and i told my husband i'm never going there again. his grave is covered with dead frozen flowers stuffed animals letters pictures and un opened xmas and birthday presents it looks like a garbage dump. people say the stupidest things like what a nice gadrden he'll have. I can't dig in the soil knowing my little boy is in there. I no longer believe in god My son was such a great kid. he was all boy. If there is a god why my son?!!! why not the @#$% that did this to him. and why isn't he aressted? He had 3 other kids in his car( the @#$%) all including him were in the hospital for weeks one boy(not sure if this is a roumer) is in a wheelchair for life. and all the roumers are so @#$% crazy. I'm sorry this is so long. I have no one to talk to .my so called friends don;t understand. I still can;t talk on the phone. I spend my days all alone crying. I know Brian would not want me to be this way but i just can;t stop. Thanks for listening to a mothers broken heart. Laura i'm sorry if i sound crazy but i am so lost.

Deb, Her son was a senior in High School when this happened. It is believed that he was abducted, in his own vehicle, while leaving a local shopping mall. The killer was tracked from SW PA to Arizona, IIRC, but he shot himself before the police could get him into custody, so a lot of the details about the case died with him. It was several months later that her son's body was found.

I read this book last month for a book group (hee, great for the holidays....:) Some mixed emotions about it. I agree that she does a very good job of showing how grief works, how her mind and body reacts to it, and how she starts on the very long road to 'the new normal' as a friend calls it. But some things bothered me. I have not read another book by her, but I understand that she is very intellectual and exact. Even tho I was aware of this, I was rather surprised at the cold writing. She seemed removed, distant. Not that she wasn't experiencing emotion, but that it didn't come through on the page, at least not for me. I also wondered about her relationship with John - they obviously were intertwined both personally, professionally and socially, in a way that many couples are not. Yet they could not talk about death, even tho she knew he was ill. He apparently tried to bring it up, and she couldn't. How would it have been different for her if she did? Probably not, but its sad that she had difficulty with the idea. I also wondered what her relationship with her daughter in such a interdependent relationship. She obviously loved her - but something was missing. >She mentions that when she was young, grieving was an open and accepted part of life...and people were very supportive. Today, people expect the bereaved to get over it, and do their grieving in private, and with support groups. Really? I didn't notice that, I may have to give it a reread. I see its just the opposite. In my parents day you did not ever ever talk about death, dying, mourning, even with your own family. Now - people are much more likely to express their emotions (granted, I've had a few deaths of family and friends in the last few years and I am just basing my obserations on what I saw through that process) I do find it interesting that people will talk about sex willingly whereas death is something else entirely, tho its more open than in the past. The 'off limits' part I find interesting. She has written about a most private year for public perusal. I don't really think there is much 'off limits' at this point. I did find it interesting in my book group, how uncomfortable everyone got if someone criticized the book or her (not in a mean way at all, just bringing up a critique). Obviously some folks felt strongly that there should be no negative discussion. It is interesting to here her interview. Terry Gross, who I normally don't like, interviewed her on NPRs Fresh Aire program last month. Very good interview, and you can listen to it on their website. Finally - I want to ask something but I don't want to make a spoiler. Does this forum accept HTML codes? Can I do a 'white' post?

I agree with most of her ideas, she was a bit ahead of her time in her thoughts. Strong women with definite opinions were not appreciated in her time, sometimes I wonder if they are more appreciated now, I doubt it.