Beautiful family Marie. Why does Reed always look like he knows more about what's going on that everyone else does? Love those facial expressions! Sarah looks contentedly happy though I know she's tired. Good to see big brother Skyler too. Hope the court case went well for dh. Eden

I've watched and read this thread with interest. My mother was the victim of horrible abuse as a very small child at the hands of her father. It was physical and emotional. The emotional abuse continued until he died. My mother left me with my grandparents as an infant and lived on the other side of the country until I was 9. As she wasn't around I was unaware of the acrimony between my mother and grandfather. When she came for a visit the battles began anew with me a pawn in their war. When she moved back to the town we lived in it was all out war most of the time. As I grew older and she lived near by, she began to abuse me. Some of it was subtle and cruel mental/emotional abuse some of it was her venting her fury on me physically with several awful beatings in my teens. Mostly I was aware that I was a symbol of unhappiness for her and she unconsciously wanted to destroy me. And my grandfather never abused me, he expressed affection in his grumpy way. My grandmother told me he felt sorry for me because my mother didn't love me. So that didn't help my relationship with my mother either as you can imagine. She had another child, my half sister. She pushed me away even more and attempted to have me sent away to a juvenile prison. She nearly succeeded. Fast forward. I am an adult with small children of my own. A year of therapy in my late 20s helped me resolve a lot of the painful and conflicted emotions about my mother. The damage exists, though, and still effects my relationships. Therapy and self examination help me to be more aware and conscious of my reactions. That doesn't always keep them from happening, however. I put on my big girl pants and make no excuses. One night when she was visiting and the kids were asleep, she started talking about my grandfather and told me the full tale of the vicious abuse she received and his alcoholism. She had an infant sister that died of leukemia. My grandfather turned his grief and anger on my mother who was three at the time. All news to me including the alcoholism. He was a teetotaler by the time I arrived. I sat there horrified and transfixed. That I knew nothing of this from my grandmother was no surprise as she didn't ever discuss unpleasant family events, ever. (I didn't even know about the infant who died until I stumbled on a family photo of two babies when I was 13 or so, one was obviously my mother, one was not but looked like family. I asked about that baby and my grandmother told me she had died.) How much was true? I will never know. I know my mother reinterprets events to suit her own needs. So I have to consider that. But she thinks it's true. Right then and there I forgave her all the pain I had suffered. Have I forgotten? No. And I keep both myself and my children shielded from her and have little but cursory and cordial contact. She plays obvious favorites with her grandchildren. My sister's kids get lots more attention and regular gifts. My kids understand that Nana J isn't a warm normal grandmother. But out of sight out of mind. Not perfect but not painful, either. I won't comment on your relationships, Tricia, as all families are unique. I'm simply sharing my own story of the multi-generational ripple effects of familial abuse.

SGS9 is spending part of this weekend with us for the first time in over a year to year and a half. I am picking him up after school today from the far out burbs and bringing him home. DS7 will be at an afterschool playdate while I am driving just to keep things simple. DH will take him home Sunday before church. DH has committed to spending time with the boys, taking them to the park, possibly Disneyland. I think Disneyland is going overboard but hey, I'm just happy he wants to take them somewhere together HIMSELF. If the weather is nice it just may be the beach for bikes and volleyball. Planning this little visit has put me back in touch with SS30 and GF/babymama. It's weird talking to them now but the conversations have stayed on the logistics of this visit. GF/babymama told me that BM said "how nice of LAmom to take him etc etc." Blech! Both parents asked me if other kids will be around as they know we often have playdates with a bunch of kids but to keep things simple I'm not planning that. SGS9 has already asked how many kids will be at our house. Sigh, just you and DS7 this time. We have a long way to go before any more parties. SGS9 has just been put on a three week detention at school for fighting, again. Poor kid is so troubled. DH and I discussed and decided that it is for SS to discipline his child in whatever way and that we would just play the indulgent grandparents. I've laid in some treats I know SGS9 likes. I plan to play it light and loose. DH will be at the helm for whatever activities not me. However, all have agreed that if there are ANY problems, SGS9 goes right back home. A separate but interesting development, SD36's high paying job is at major risk and she may be getting a pink slip as early as Monday through no fault of her own. We had a nice talk yesterday and she may go to work for DH as early as next week. My idea and they both like it. I know, I know, when will I learn? If she works for DH I will talk to her everyday practically and start seeing her often as I will be training her on DH's business needs. Hmmm...for the good? Good for her, she needs the work, good for DH, he needs the help, good for me and DS7 as we will start seeing her a lot. She's been the nicest to us so I was glad to help her out this time. Interestingly she volunteered that BM is going to help her financially for the first time in her life! She said that BM, SS and his crew are going to have to wean themselves off of her support, I just listened without comment. She doesn't even want to see SGS9, her nephew, during his stay this weekend since it usually means clothes buying, video buying, restaurant going gimme gimme. Wow. She lives less than 10 minutes away but said "drive the long way around with him." Wish us luck.

This is a great thread! Years ago, when our oldest son was only 2 1/2, we were looking out his open bedroom window, watching our downstairs neighbour wash his van in the driveway below. As the neighbour was finishing up, our son yelled down to him, "Sandy, your forgot to wash the roof!" Sandy replied "Oh, that's okay, I don't have to look at the roof" Son responded, "Well, I do!" A couple of years ago, my DH was making homemade pizza with our two young grandsons, aged 3 and 5. While he was stretching the dough, his hands covered in flour, he playfully touched the nose of the youngest grandson. The older grandson looked on horrified at what grampa had done to his little brother, so grampa asked if he would like flour on his nose, too. Older grandson backed away, spread his hands, and exclaimed "what is WRONG with you!" Another time, my DH was getting ready to go over to our oldest sons' house. He came in to the room wearing a rather odd looking fake suede vest over his shirt, that he had bought himself years ago. I mentioned that it made him look a bit like a cowboy in it. He didn't agree, and thought he looked quite dapper. Shortly after arriving at our sons house, four year old grandson entered the room, and asked "Grampa? Where's your horse?" And other one, out of the mouth of our oldest son. When he was four years old, he was hospitalized with idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, and had to have daily bloodwork to test his platelet counts. On about the sixth day of this, he marched up the nursing station and stated quite forcefully to his doctor that was sitting at the desk writing in a chart, "I am going home today and I don't care WHAT my bloodwork says!" Fortunately, his results were finally good, and he did come home that day.