I buried my mother today.

k4dfr

My mother was 81 years old...she suffered a severe stroke on Friday night March 5th...Daddy found her in the floor on Saturday morning...he had not heard her when she fell.

When we got to the hospital after getting the call, she was awake, and seemed to be conscious...but she could not speak. We later learned that it was a left-brain stroke, the symptoms of which I won't go into for the time being. Later that day (Saturday 3/6/10), she drifted into a coma, and never regained consciousness.

She died on Wednesday morning, 3/17/10, at 6am.

I feel as though part of me died with her. I haven't been able to stop crying.

Here's the kicker: I am a Christian, and a Southern Baptist Pastor to boot. I have not had to deal with this kind of grief since the death of my only brother at the hands of a drunk driver over 26 years ago. I have always been there to help counsel people in the church through these types of grief, but when it happens to your own family, it almost seems surreal. I keep wishing that all of this was just a bad dream, but I know it's not. It's like everything I ever learned about counseling has gone out the window. Does any of this make sense?

I just needed to vent through my keyboard. If I find someone here, anyone, who understands, this will not be my last visit to this forum. I'm thankful to whomever thought enough of what grieving family members are going through to realize the need of a forum such as this.

May God bless each of you as you deal with your own private, personal grief. No one understands your pain better than you. I understand my pain...I'm just learning how to deal with it, and how to channel my emotions.

More later...prayers to God for all of you,

David

SaveComment7Like
Comments (7)
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
peytonroad

I am so sorry about your mother and of course your late brother. You know of course that your mother died being loved! I hope that gives you some consolation.
I am sure she must have been so proud of you to become a pastor as well. She died a lucky woman knowing that her husband of so many years has you to fall back on. Continue on, be there for your father as times will be tough on him now. Perhaps you can get closer to your father now.
Open up the Word and dwell in it. Let people help you. As a member of the medical field, you mother was "lucky" in the sense that her passing was quick and not drawn out with prolonged intubations, needles, tubes and the like. God in his grace and in his will gave her a merciful death, praise him for that! Get on your knees and thank him for the time you had with her and the time remaining with your father. You have a lot of life left to praise God for his awesome plan for each of us. YOU KNOW you will see her again and soon! No one can imagine the glorious future that lies ahead for us all-including the reunion of your family in FULL! Imagine that group hug of all 4 of you!
I haven't had to deal with close family death, but have seen many deaths at work. It is always a respectful time to know that they are all now asleep with the next conscious thought to be only of our LORD and SAVior Jesus! How awesome is that!
It is okay to cry too!

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry for your loss.

"It's like everything I ever learned about counseling has gone out the window."

I think that's normal;
it's much easier to know what to do for someone else than it is to cope with our own feelings when grief blindsides us.

Hang in there, & let people help you;
it's a blessing to be allowed to help just as it is to be helped.

I wish you the best.

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
blueenough

David, I am so sorry for your lost. I, too, lost my mom when she was 81, which was 5 years ago, so I do know that grief. An even more difficult loss was losing my daughter 2 years ago. I thought I would literally die when she did, but God's timing was not mine. As a Southern Baptist pastor, you've consoled many others over the years, but it's just not the same. You must now grieve yourself. No one will questions your beliefs because, if you remember, Jesus even cried over Lazarus. I know our Father grieves when we grieve. After my daughter died, at some point, I just couldn't feel God's presence with me. A friend of mine suggested that I ask God for a scripture, somehing I had never asked for before. When I did that that night in bed, He told me to get up and read I Corinthians 1:9. I told Him I didn't know what the verse said, so he told me once again, "Get up and read it." When I did, the last three words are "God is faithful." Those were the exact words I needed to hear. I now realize that my daughter and mother are both in the Lord's presence, which give me great comfort. God was right there with me through all of what happened. Please don't misunderstand. I still have moments when I want to scream at the top of my lungs because I miss them so much. What once seemed a cliche to me, "You'll see her again," now is my hope. You loved your mom. Why would you not grieve her and be lost without her? My doctor told me it would take me two full years to feel like I was in the world again, and he was right. I've found that i can now sympathize with others who have had losses, too. One thing you need to remember is that no two losses are the same because no two relationships are the same. You will find your way, David, because you do have God to lean upon. His ways are simply not our ways, but He is our Lord. I also find it easier to deal with their deaths if I start praising God when I feel so lost here on this earth. When I do that, I can see both my mom and my daughter, arm-in-arm, surrounded by light, broadly smiling in God's presence. May God Bless and Keep you. BTW, I, too, am Sothern Baptist. Your sister in Christ, Pat

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
socks

I know how painful it was just to type the title of your posting. Words you never wanted to write. Even though it's the normal course of things to lose our parents, that knowledge just doesn't make it any easier.

As you know, the grieving process is agonizing, and there is no rushing it. Take the time to cry, remember your mother, talk about her. How is your father?

My mother has been gone 8 years, and I still miss her every day.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Susan

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Zyperiris

Losing a parent is horrible. BUT..I was coming home from being with my sister when my Dad just died. When I got off the plane there was a headline about 4 police officers shot..by a thug here in Washington state. It put things in perspective. My parents lived out their lives. They were old and I truly believe it was their time. I quit feeling so bad when I thought about these families having to deal with a parent or husband or wife shot to death for no good reason.

None of us get out of here alive. If one lives out their lives then it is a blessing

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
laura24

Hi there, I come to you for comfort. I just lost my mom to cancer September 16th. Yes, I knew she was going to die I found out June 10. Yes I went to grief counseling to try to prepare myself...I thought I was prepared I thought I was ready for this. But I am not. I too, feel like a part of me died with her...I feel like a child alone, even though I have a family of my own. I held her hand until 5 minutes before she died I talked to her I sang to her and then I needed to walk out of the room and she left me. I wanted to be with her I promised I wouldn't leave her alone. I am having trouble forgiving myself for leaving that room. I know I took such good care of her when she was alive but at the time she was probably scared and confused I had to walk away! This is so hard for me. I know that my mom was not going to live forever, I had lost my dad when I was 13 to a heart attack so I was very familar with loss at a very young age. Am I ever going to feel normal again...am I ever going to be able to be the wife and mother I was before cancer invaded my mom? I feel like I can't see my way through the pain.

With a heavy Heart,
Laura

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
lisamelvin

I do not visit as often as I have in the past because slowly I am emerging from the dark cloud of grief I have been under for the last two years.

I lost my beloved Momma in August of '08 and I visit again today because I am overcome with tears this morning from the hole left from her passing.

Just want to share that for me there are good days and bad days. This morning was a sad one. My hope is that for me there will come a time when I can think/talk of her and not cry. Every time I try to talk about her I am overcome with emotion and I break down. She and I both deserve much more than this so everyday I pray that I am able to find the strength HE has given me to heal.

It hurts to know I will make my way thru this world without her. The love I share with her is unique, there will never be another person in this world that will feel about me as she did and that is what hurts the most.

The most important thing I have learned from losing her is this -

Time is our most valuable assest. No matter how much money you have, you can NEVER buy back a minute from last week. Spend yout time with the people you care about the most. As much of it as you can.....you WILL NOT regret it.

She was one of the best people I have had in my life and to have not had her would have been a much more terrible loss. Hard to balance it out sometimes.

I pray for all of the broken hearts that one day our cracks will fill with love and laughter when we think of them....

Blessings

Save    
Browse Gardening and Landscaping Stories on Houzz See all Stories
Decluttering 10 Types of Clutter to Toss Today
Clear the decks and give the heave-ho to these unneeded items
Full Story
Houzz Tours Houzz Tour: Having Fun With a Half-Buried House
Layers of dirt help create energy efficiency and an unusual look on a steep slope in Washington state
Full Story
Houseplants Mother-in-Law's Tongue: Surprisingly Easy to Please
This low-maintenance, high-impact houseplant fits in with any design and can clear the air, too
Full Story
Inspiration for some backyard chats
Inspiration for a warm welcome
Inspiration for dinner time under the stars
Inspiration for a little quality time
Inspiration for making that best pizza ever
Fitzgerald Home Furnishings has everything for your home's interior - all under one roof! We have quality... Read More