I've watched and read this thread with interest. My mother was the victim of horrible abuse as a very small child at the hands of her father. It was physical and emotional. The emotional abuse continued until he died. My mother left me with my grandparents as an infant and lived on the other side of the country until I was 9. As she wasn't around I was unaware of the acrimony between my mother and grandfather. When she came for a visit the battles began anew with me a pawn in their war. When she moved back to the town we lived in it was all out war most of the time. As I grew older and she lived near by, she began to abuse me. Some of it was subtle and cruel mental/emotional abuse some of it was her venting her fury on me physically with several awful beatings in my teens. Mostly I was aware that I was a symbol of unhappiness for her and she unconsciously wanted to destroy me. And my grandfather never abused me, he expressed affection in his grumpy way. My grandmother told me he felt sorry for me because my mother didn't love me. So that didn't help my relationship with my mother either as you can imagine. She had another child, my half sister. She pushed me away even more and attempted to have me sent away to a juvenile prison. She nearly succeeded. Fast forward. I am an adult with small children of my own. A year of therapy in my late 20s helped me resolve a lot of the painful and conflicted emotions about my mother. The damage exists, though, and still effects my relationships. Therapy and self examination help me to be more aware and conscious of my reactions. That doesn't always keep them from happening, however. I put on my big girl pants and make no excuses. One night when she was visiting and the kids were asleep, she started talking about my grandfather and told me the full tale of the vicious abuse she received and his alcoholism. She had an infant sister that died of leukemia. My grandfather turned his grief and anger on my mother who was three at the time. All news to me including the alcoholism. He was a teetotaler by the time I arrived. I sat there horrified and transfixed. That I knew nothing of this from my grandmother was no surprise as she didn't ever discuss unpleasant family events, ever. (I didn't even know about the infant who died until I stumbled on a family photo of two babies when I was 13 or so, one was obviously my mother, one was not but looked like family. I asked about that baby and my grandmother told me she had died.) How much was true? I will never know. I know my mother reinterprets events to suit her own needs. So I have to consider that. But she thinks it's true. Right then and there I forgave her all the pain I had suffered. Have I forgotten? No. And I keep both myself and my children shielded from her and have little but cursory and cordial contact. She plays obvious favorites with her grandchildren. My sister's kids get lots more attention and regular gifts. My kids understand that Nana J isn't a warm normal grandmother. But out of sight out of mind. Not perfect but not painful, either. I won't comment on your relationships, Tricia, as all families are unique. I'm simply sharing my own story of the multi-generational ripple effects of familial abuse.

I am settled on a mild antidepressant now, but still unsure whether it is really helping. My husband has quit drinking, 3 weeks, now. I only drink socially, margharita at a mexican restaraunt is about the extent of my drinking. My son is taking an anger management class at school, but I think I am going to go ahead and make him an appt with someone to talk because he is dreaming now, the other night he sobbed for a solid 30 minutes after dreaming of my poppa, and he worries about every little thing, he is scared he is going to die, this can't be right for a 10 year old child. March 16th will be one year since he passed, I still struggle, but am trying to be strong for him and my daughter. It's funny and silly but I have a small dog who used to love going down to his house and sit with him and get treats, and now we are trying to clean the house up, and she will not set foot in the house, if we pick her up and take her in she whines and scratches at the door the whole time, weird, i don't know why she does this...just strange. I talk to him all the time and catch myself sometimes talking to him at random times, but it actually helps me i think...not sure, maybe not. Anyway thanks everyone for the advice!!

Well, there's no such thing as a "normal" kid or "unconventional" kid, imo. There are individuals who make the choice to fit in or not to fit in (which is perfectly fine either way) but a lot of those who say they don't want to fit in simply don't have the skills to fit in and take the route of "I don't care". I think rather than branding a kid "unconventional" it's best to make sure they have the skills to be conventional if they need to. Sure, a kid can get by. I did. I was absolutely as unconventional as a person could be in high school and my parents thought it was "cute". I don't think there's anything cute about a kid who doesn't behave properly in a given situation. And for the kid who isn't behaving poorly because they are acting out but because they simply do not know any better it's a gross disservice. Example, I think kids need to learn table manners. They need to learn how to tell which fork to use first. Even if you are not a "conventional" family who serves on a white tablecloth with grandma's silver, the kid needs to learn 'just in case' they ever find themselves at the white house. Same with taking a hat off in a restaurant, opening doors for women, not touching every cookie, offering to your guest first, how to politely decline an invitation, helping a host with dishes (or the right way to offer help), returning a vehicle you borrowed with a full tank of gas, what time to arrive for a dinner party (never arrive early unless invited early!!) etc. There are social norms that must be understood. Once they are understood, an adult may choose to follow those norms or go out on their own path. If the kids in the special school are thinking him weird he may think he needs to be weirder in order to stand out. Maybe he needs a talent or something that could help him stand out without being 'weird'? It may just be a way of getting attention. It's BS. People in real life will shy away from you if you don't learn the social norms that make up your environment (may differ from town to town and region to region). Having the ability to perceive what is going on with others and "match" their tone is essential to social success. That's what I find exhausting. Perception is everything. That's why I think an acting class may help. Having to determine what others are thinking/feeling without words and respond appropriately. Also, consequences. If he does not behave in a way that others can tolerate he won't get invited to do things. This may not matter to him now, but maybe a trip to a college campus (they have ones where you can sleep over too) where an older boy can give him a little advice? Does he have any older male role models? I don't think he has a good view of who he is, and I think that's the issue. He needs to see what it looks like to be appropriate and what it looks like to not be appropriate. You don't have to like the same tv shows as everyone else, or the same clothing, or the same anything. You can be your own person and not be "unconventional". So many kids that age are simply carbon-copies because they are too scared to be themselves. That's why "unconventional" can be worn as a badge of honor. I'm "different". LOL. That's cool. Now can you get along with ten strangers in a submarine or will they throw you out first chance they get? Being able to get along (not "fit in") with others is a crucial skill. What was he like as a small child?

Listen to Wildchild. You need to clarify your legal rights, but even in the most landlord-friendly states, a landlord can't evict without proper written notice, and a tenant can make things very difficult for the landlord. Have you seen an attorney? I'll bet there's a legal aid in your city that could help. I agree with Wildchild, the pets aren't the issue, so don't treat them as if they were. I'd spend the weekend gathering up documents you'll need. Get your original lease, if you have it, and any subsequent leases. Sit down with a piece of paper and summarize your dealings with this landlord. When did you move in, when was the rent increased, did you ever have discussions about the pets before this, and so on. Then, on Monday, go talk to an attorney. I'll tell you, if you lived in Massachusetts, you could drag this out for six months with very little problem. I know that Massachusetts is very tenant-friendly, so you might not get as much time in your state, but don't make it easy for her. Don't just up and move out when she tells you to, unless she's crossed every T and dotted every I.