I wasn't rude, closetdiva, I'm just not into stroking. Since you came here to be stroked, why instead did you ask for advice? Why not just say, "I need someone to make me feel good because there's no man doing it at present." You said you don't know what to do, so we stated what we think you should do. I certainly couldn't suggest you stick around for things to get better because they won't and defintitely not for your son. You compromise his emotional and mental health every single day. Why don't you know what to do? Nor could I condone your wounded spirit because you are not a victim. You created this mess....again, maybe not the first time but each subsequent time. Since you cannot see the signs for sake of your own instant happiness, then I again ask that you do as asolo suggests. And that's not being rude. Stating the facts and suggesting wise decisions might not be what you want people to say to, but it's what you asked for and what you need. Hopefully you will listen, or you will go to those other sites for people to stroke your wounded spirit.

Well, it is a very difficult situation from many standpoints. And I hate to say this, but there are child experts who say that if a child is 5 or older when rescued from a bad situation, it's already too late. Sadly, I've known several families for whom that seemed to be the case. Children were put in wholesome, loving, caring, stable families (on one case at age 4 and 5, in another, the little girl was abou 7)--and it made no difference. They ended up reverting to the very unstable, immoral lifestyles that their birth parents practiced. However, you have to do something, and you need to believe that maybe your family will be the exception to that 'rule'. First, your grandson needs to be evaluated to see if he has any diagnosible educational problems. If, by any chance, his mother was using alcohol or drugs when she was pregnant, he almost surely has some learning disabilities. And, of course, even without those poisons, he could have some problems. Second--you need to sit down with the teacher. See if she's willing to do this. At the end of the day, gs needs to show his teacher his assignment book, she will initial if (and only if) he's got all his assignments listed. When he comes home, you can go through the list with him, checking off each as it's done--if he's completed the work at school, he needs to bring it home with him in his homework folder, so you can see it's complete. Then, next morning, when teacher collects the homework, ask that she sign the assignment book. I'm a former teacher--it's not unusual for that kind of procedure to be implemented in the case of a student who's not turning in their homework on a consistent basis. Tools: be sure he has the right tools. An easy to use backpack. An assignment book (not too small, they tend to get lost in the desk or bottom of the back pack). A folder for his homework--with pockets for different subjects. Private school? I'd hold off on changing schools too quickly. This child needs stability, needs to learn that no matter where he is, he needs to fulfill his responsibilities (changing schools won't help with that). And, I don't know where you live, nor what the school situation is, but around here, public schools pay far more than private ones, and actually offer a much better education, and far far better services for the child who has learning problems. If your area of the country is like mine, public school is the best place. Now, that's not always true in every area--in some places the public schools are terrible. But if you do decide to change schools, you need to make sure the school you choose is set up to help a child who is having difficulties in class. You're going to need good professional educators and counselors, if you're to have any chance of helping here. Getting the school/homework situation sorted out is imperative. However, a few suggestions. You may need to step out of the box here. Different children learn differently--some learn best when they 'listen' to material, some need to read it for it to sink in, some learn the most when they rewrite the info--and there are dozens of other helps that work for some children. You need to start working with him to find out which kind of learner he is. Beyond that, you need to get this child EXCITED about learning. Investigate what he's being taught at school, and find ways to make the subjects more interesting. Just a few of the things we did when dd was young: We'd play games in the car, and when standing in line--things like 20 questions or 'who am I', or math games. We always gave dd her own maps when we were travelling--that she could mark out our route on. We visited places--both local and on vacation--that added to the subjects she was learning in school. Historicial, natural, scientific places of interest were both fun and education for us all. I'd further suggest that you help this child find his passion in life. Once you know what subject he LOVES, you can use it to teach him about other subjects by tying them in. One excellant teaching tool is cooking. Most kids love it, and you can use it to teach/reinforce--math, science, social studies, writing skills, art. Cooking reinforces following instructions in order to achieve a desired result. It teaches sharing and responsibility and creativity. You can subtly tie almost all subjects into cooking--but if you're smart, the kids won't even realize they're learning. It will 'feel' like just a fun activity they're sharing with Grandma. You could even dangle a carrot in front of them, by encouraging them to enter the county fair or other recipe contests (there are some for kids that offer savings bonds for their college expenses, or sometimes, free tuition at a good culinary school) Most importantly, you need to keep focused, stay calm, and hang in there. A few months really isn't enough for this child to turn around. For one thing, he's still thinking that you're going to abandon him as everyone else has. He's afraid to let you too close. Part of why he's being irresponsible in school may be that he's testing you--he's giving you an excuse to ditch him, and himself an easy excuse if you do. Keep telling him how much you love him, no matter what. It will take time, but eventually, he'll learn that he doesn't have to try to push you away. But always keep in mind that children have a very hard time letting go of their early experiences. The 4 year old I mentioned above is now 18. She's lived with people who meet her needs, and many of her wants, for the past 14+ years, and she's STILL a hoarder. When she was little, she overate and hoarded food in her room--fearing it might not be there when she needed it. Now, she tends to hoard stuff--she tries to get her hands on all kinds of things, even if she has no use for them. It's just something that she can't get past, because when she was little, she was homeless, and eating garbage. You're going to need to practice all the patience and understanding you can dredge up. Best of luck to you all. The kids are very lucky to have finally found someone who cares enough to go the extra yard for them.

well lets talk about the whole college thing then shall we??? Sure, if she wants to pay for community college she can go right ahead. But probably will not happen. Just telling things like they are ladies. We don't have a lot of extra money, and we have always told the kids that if they have any plans to continue their education, that we encourage that completely, but we will not be able to contribute to that education. They will have to rely on scholarships, etc. so they had better get good grades. But here is the thing...I know my step daughter pretty well, to know that she won't be choosing college. A trade school would probably be more to her liking to be honest. I just said she guaranteed no college, because of the crappy grades. Because, hello.....poor grades do not equal scholarships. I was purely speaking from our POV and didn't think to explain that here. So sorry. I am not saying in any way this makes her "less of a person" or anything close to that. She already is a hard worker and is pretty responsible when it comes to her job, so I have no doubt that she will go far in what ever she does decide to do job wise. AT this point, we are just trying to get her through high school and get a freakin' diploma. That in itself will be a huge accomplishment. Especially considering that her mom never graduated, and her brother didn't as well. No one in that side of her family pushes school as important, and she only has one aunt out of four on that side who did graduate, and all of her cousins are well on their way to dropping out as well, because the three oldest already have. So again, it is purely, point of view. So no one needs to get all bent out of shape just because I said she isn't going to college....that was her decision.

"your SD keeps slapping yours away" That's what makes it so hard... she isn't always slapping my hand away, only when I reach out to help. She seems to want my help or want things from me... says to her dad/grandma/etc. how she wants us to be friends & get along.. that she loves me.. then I do something for her & the knife goes in my back. One of the big turning points was on DGS's first birthday. I had planned his party & it was a weekend SD was supposed to be at her mom's. She hinted that she want to go but DH was going to stick to the schedule & send her to BM's. I felt bad that she was going to miss the party so I talked DH into working with BM so she can stay for the party. BM was fine with it. The party went well but at the end of the party, she took MIL aside & cried on her shoulder about how I won't let her play with the baby at home. I don't mean light tears... she was sobbing. MIL confronted me over it... several times in fact. Every time I have seen her since, she's mentioned it, as if SD has some sort of "right" to play with the baby... even after MIL was told that there was more to it than that... SD was failing in school & had asked to play with the baby. I asked is her homework done? You're getting D's & F's, you need to do your work & study before worrying about playing with the baby. Then the Fourth of July this year... DH should have made her go with her mom the day before my party but I pushed him to let her choose where she wanted to be & she chose to get picked up in the middle of the party & get her other grandma involved. I could go on & on. I'm the only one that has planned her birthday parties for the last six years. (& pay for them) Her mom has promised parties, then let her down by making other plans. This year, I made sure I was out of state with the baby, visiting my son on the other side of the Country for her birthday. I was planning a trip so decided to make sure it was during that week. How sad is that? It would be SO much easier if she were rebellious & spit in my face & told me she wants nothing from me. My sister was that way with my stepmom... couldn't stand her. BUT my SD tells everyone how much she loves me & wants to get along with me... I guess it just makes me look even more evil when I refuse to do things for her. It gives her an opportunity to say "I don't know why Ima doesn't like me" and get grandma's all worked up because poor granddaughter has such an evil stepmom... and DH gets heat too. How can he let his wife treat his baby like that? Doesn't he know what kind of woman he's married to?