dixiedoodle: Thanks for joining in. You understand the situation. Yes, the land is worth enough to serve as the entire downpayment if we want it to. But we do want to eventually put the entire 250K into to it to reduce our mortgage. I think I'll have to get the bank's draw schedule and actually sit down and calculate how we'll come out under the bigger vs. smaller loan amounts, how much interest our savings will earn, etc., all along the way. I understand what you said about the net cost (interest payments less our savings earnings) being bigger all along on the larger loan. I'll have to calculate how much it'll cost us to do it that way. I think as I read through all your posts, and consider it more carefully, I see that the main thing we would accomplish by getting a larger loan would be to preserve our cash for overages--at least for a longer time into the build. So my thinking needs to shift to: is that worth doing? I do get pretty uneasy about overages and there is not another source of cash readily available outside of the $250K. How does it work with overages? Our builder contract is for a fixed price. We're to have continual internet access to our line item budget, so we can see where we're overspent and underspent. And we can shift things around from one line item to another. But early in the build we can't have much influence over that: a foundation isn't something we can select a less expensive one of. So, if at one of the builder's draw request times we're net "over" on the build do we pony up the cash to the builder then and there??

I don't think you need to do anything right now. If the house sells at a satisfactory price, then both the first mortgage and the equity loan balance will be paid off at the closing, and the balance (minus agent's commission, if your using one) will go to you. You definitely should NOT pay off the loan with your savings. That cash provides you with financial flexbility that you will lose if you pay off the loan. A recent widow should hang on to her cash reserves until life settles down and her financial situation becomes more certain. If the equity loan is a HELOC with a floating interest rate and the house doesn't sell by the end of the summer season, you probably should do a refinance and combine both loans into one so that you don't have to worry about the possibility of rising interest rates inflating the size of the HELOC payments.

Years ago I signed up for a home equity line of credit, and was approved to x number of $K. There were no closing costs, and the rate was 4%, which was very good at the time. I never used it (yet) and would have to see what the interest would be now. I'm assuming it would not still be 4%. I'm not sure when I signed if the interest was fixed or variable. With any luck, I will never have any need for using it, but the 0% interest on a cr cd I have a balance on, is about to expire. I'm sure the bank HELOC is less than 10% which is about what the cr cd will go to. I keep watching for another 0% credit card offer from another company, so I can just use Peter's money, to pay off Paul's credit card. I don't normally carry any balance on a credit card, but I wanted to get my driveway black topped, and didn't want to pay for it out of savings. Sue

Well I thought I would give you all a staus up date on my situation: I have wrote letters, cards, emails, telling her exactly what was suggested on here. Thursday night I get this email: David, Well, I've had right close to 4 weeks to think about everything that has happened to us and to our family. You are correct in what you said about how I felt about the whole situation. I feel like I had all this trust for you (finally) and then the bridge just collapsed beneath me. I understand that at the time your intentions were good and that you meant well by doing what you did.....but, at the same time I don't understand how you could have so little trust in me that you wouldn't tell me what was going on. Am I that horrible of a person that we couldn't talk and try to work this out together? Dave, how many times does it take getting your heart broken before you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder..."why am I doing this?" Every time something has happened to us I would just step back and tell myself "Ok Paula, this is the last time something like this will happen".....only to look further across that bridge to see that it has collapsed again. I know that you are making a lot of changes now.....that is awesome-I'm really proud of you. But, the fact of the matter is-will all those changes erase the hurt, distrust, and anger that I have? Will they make me forget everything? The answer is probably not. I want you to know that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life......this is not easy at all. David we have had two beautiful girls together-for that I will be forever grateful to you. I will always love you for the dad that you have and will continue to be to our girls. But, I don't think that I can be the wife that you deserve given the events that have taken place. I already have a hard time trusting people and I feel like if we continued our relationship I would constantly be looking over my shoulder...wondering what is going to come next. Always second guessing and "checking up" on things to make sure everything is kosher. That is no way to live. I feel like the best thing for me to do is to pick up and start over...get my priorities right-make things stable for our girls. I love that you are doing things to change yourself and you are getting help from Ashford (counsler)-it takes alot of courage to sit in an office and put your trust in a complete stranger and to ask them for help. I'm glad you are doing it-for yourself and your girls. I hope that we can still be a support system for each other-I do care an awful lot about you Dave. I also hope that we can continue to be civil to each other and be friendly toward one another (the girls will have a better time adjusting if they are able to see us get along). If there is anything I can do to support you in your changes-I am here for you. I don't hate you at all and I do forgive the situation-I just can't continue with this relationship. I know that what I'm saying in something you don't want to hear and I know that I have probably broken your heart....for that I am sorry. I don't like to hurt anyone-especially you.........I hope that we can still be good friends. love, Paula Then on Saturday she told me that she contacted an attorney and is drafting up a seperation agreement. Yes I am heart broken, and never wanted any of this to happen. I am completly beside myself and am lost without her in my life. I had the girls this weekend, and when I went to take them back, they were both crying that they wanted to stay with me and not go back to there grandma's...where they are staying. I know that they are just as confused as I am and to answer any questions involving the kids...the answer is no. I avoid it at all cost. My question now is this, since she has given up, or in my eyes she has, what are my next steps in this process? I have to thank each and everyone of you for offering your advice and I wish the circumstances were better, but they are not. I do love my wife, and miss her everyday that I am awake. I wanted a chance to make things right, but she has shut the door on our relationship.