Yea, Goldie!! You are an awesome lady and and even more awesome DIL! I'm rooting for you and wishing you all the very best. Keep us posted.
Lynn

Best wishes. MIL will undoubtedly be happy in her new digs. Heck, I'd be tempted to move in there! I'm glad you're able to incorporate her things with yours. Best of luck on the big day. I'll be thinking of you!

Thanks but this is a huge move for Mom. She is a city girl. We live in the country. (Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!) she has only moved once in her 88 1/2 years on this earth. She moved from her parents house to the house her husband built for her.

I am driving the 24' truck and I have requested her boys help get her into it with me. Only for half the ride, her blood lots prevent a four hour ride without walking... I'm thinking about how to make her feel like she is strong and on an adventure. Like she is bringing her own stuff - sitting high above traffic and laughing about hocking it all and going to Reno.

It is going to be a very hard tradition for her. She has mixed feelings. Who could blame her? The fact is her Dr says her memory is failing her and she should not be alone. So I'm trying to learn frommy last experience with memory loss . Trying to do the things I should have done with my Uncle, who lost it all when I brought him here without any of his belongings that triggered long termmemory.

Thanks but this is a huge move for Mom. She is a city girl. We live in the country. (Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!) she has only moved once in her 88 1/2 years on this earth. She moved from her parents house to the house her husband built for her. She has huge mixed feelings about doing this. There is no option. Her memory is failing her.

I am driving the 24' rented truck back (professional driver alert) and I have requested her boys help get her into it with me. I'm thinking about how to make her feel like she is strong and on an adventure. Like she is bringing her own stuff - sitting high above traffic and laughing about hocking it all and going to Reno.

It is going to be a very hard tradition for her. She has mixed feelings. Who could blame her? The fact is her Dr says her memory is failing her and she should not be alone. So I'm trying to learn frommy last experience with memory loss . Trying to do the things I should have done with my Uncle, who lost it all when I brought him here without any of his belongings that triggered long termmemory.

What a wonderful attitude you have; yes, this is a huge transition for your MIL, but also for you and DH. It's not easy sharing living arrangements.

It's especially thoughtful of you to try to make her transition as easy as possible for her. My DM is 86, with Alzheimer's, and, while I used to nag DF to move closer to me so I could help, I now know any move from her familiar surroundings would probably trigger the memory loss you talk about with your uncle.

I only hope, should my time come, my DIL is as loving as you.
Dee

Sending positive energy and my very best wishes as you and Aimee embark on the big move. Sounds like you've done a lot of work, and will continue to have many things to do for a while.

Your generosity and loving spirit are such blessings for your entire family! You're a wonderful example of how to live with commitment and kindness, Golddust.

As I said, I'll be thinking about y'all. Be safe.

Good luck and healthy vibes for this weekend.

Wow, you're my kinda gal, gold. Just had this conversation with own MIL, who claims she wants to be in a nursing home. Sell her home, possessions, and go into a private pay nusing home. I told her I don't think I could put my own parents into a nursing some unless I was absolutely forced, so howould I put her there?. She says no, she doesn't want anyone "taking care" of her. I believe her attitude is a result of her putting her own DM into a nursing home well before it was necessary. *A whole different conversation.*

I applaud you in your journey. We are starting to fail our elders for some reason. Is it because "assisted care" is easily within reach? IDK, I remember when families took their elders into their homes, and made do for as long as possible.

Glad to see you're making your MIL so comfortable. You're a very thoughtful person. I think too many people are missing the empathy gene.

May her journey, and yours, lead her into a wonderful next chapter in both of your lives. Sometimes we forget that our elders do still have life lessons as well as many other tidbits to share.

Safe travels and Happy Easter!

I've always been a firm believer of Angels on Earth, and I do think you're one of those.

Tell her it will be like The Walton's, if she watched the show.

I mentioned this eons ago, but I'm so angry our government cannot find a way to help our elderly.

Oh, I saw the chair lift on FB, it looks great!

I don't want to take anything away from Golddust because I think the time and effort and love that she is showing her MIL is absolutely wonderful. Not everyone is able to do that.

My brother and I recently found an assisted living facility for our mother (83) with medical and mental issues and after 5 months she is finally starting to settle into the routine. It isn't easy for her and it isn't easy for us but I certainly don't think we are missing the empathy gene. My DH and I have done everything we could to accomodate my mother, my daughter and her children (one severely disabled). We sold our large home, moved 5 times in our rv and into small apartments. We are torn all the time between who needs us and what we need. I wish we could be the Waltons and have lots of family around to help share in all of it, the wonderful life lessons and the difficulties of old age. The guilt can be overwhelming even though I am doing the best I can for her, not to her. Sorry, I'm a little emotional on this recent issue. On the other hand, I do know there are some children that just put their parents someplace and walk away.

Bless you Golddust.

I am so impressed with your attitude and all the thought, energy, and work you have put into this. You have a heart of gold!

I think I'm a very awful person compared to most of you. I really could never have my mother live with me. It's not that I don't love her it's more that she has always been very needy in a manipulative way and I know I would be very miserable. Oddly though, I could have cared for my in-laws if they lived in this country. They were always the sorts that were very appreciative and really didn't like to ask for help,that made me want to help them.
This is probably more along the lines for another thread but am I the only one?
Golddust you are special and I wish I could be like you when I grow up...sort of, I just don't think I have what it takes. I worry that I'd end up doing something horrible with the pillow.

You go, girl!

Driving a 24' UHaul is an adventure all by itself, never mind driving one with one's MIL in tow.

There will be days during this you may feel like bashing your head against the wall (or running away to Tahiti) but in long run, you will never be sorry for your choice. You should take pride in stepping up; you'll have earned those kudos.

But just in case you need a quick, reinforcing shot in the midst of all the packing: I know I speak for others here: You are wonderful!

L.

It isn't that I have the empathy gene and others don't. We are blessed to have everything come together for this to work. Our house is 4,500 square ft., which allows for plenty of room for our space and her stuff.

If I had a smaller home, it could never work. Plus I have lots of family around who will support me to have respite. I'm riding in my car with Aimee, who is driving. I asked her to describe Nana's personality and she said that our new baby's toys are more complex than Nana. Cracked us both up but there is an element of truth to what she said. She is kind but strangely meek and has always been sheltered. Aimee says she is supremely simple. It's impossible to have meaningful conversations with her or go to her for advice. Add to that her tape loop of stories of her past and you get the picture. She doesn't add to conversation so you have to ask her about herself if you want interaction.

LOL, I know about those loop of stories. Make sure to write some of her history down for future generations. I have a tape recording of my grandfather talking about his parents and grandparents and it is so interesting to listen to. Safe trip.

I'm trying SO HARD to follow the wise advice about not being negative....so will just say good luck.

Ann

I am very late to this conversation, and I have not read the posts that precede mine. But I wish you well. Heaven holds a very special spot for those that put others before themselves and clearly you are doing that for your mother in law.

golddust - you are truly one amazing lady! I hope for a smooth transition for you, your MIL and your entire family!

Hope calm waters predominate.

As others have said it's not something all of us can do for various reasons. I hated that my mom had to live in a nursing home the last 4 months of her life, but a major stroke is a game changer.

Wishing you strength in the days ahead.

Such a giving, golden heart you have golddust.

Best wishes for you and your family!

Good luck to you golddust. What a wonderful commitment.

I'm like jterrilynn though and know that I couldn't do it.
Part of it for me is being an introvert--I need my alone time to recharge. We're fortunate. My in-laws were close so they stayed in their home and we could check on them daily. My MIL moved in to an assisted living after a series of mini-strokes and was there less than 48 hours before a fatal stroke. My parents are an hour away, but have adult kids who call regularly and fantastic neighbors and friends who check in daily and report in. Right now we're concerned about an elderly bachelor uncle who is becoming increasingly frail. He totally prefers his isolating lifestyle and I'm afraid will someday die alone. To him going to an assisted living or NH would be like feeding him to the sharks.

I am concerned for the growing number of elderly who have no family, or family a long distance away and no one to monitor their health and behavior changes. In our area the phone spammers are heavily prowling the elderly looking for an easy target to get money.

Golddust,

Just checking in to see how it went - are you back home, yet? Keeping you and your MIL in my thoughts at this momentous transition period.

When you need a sanity moment come back here, and vent if necessary. This, at least, will be the same world it was last month.

Wishing you a safe trip. Check in when you can.

L.

Ha. Back home? You over estimate me and the process I'm going through with mom. She loves her stuff. She has 50 purses and goes through everyone twice, maybe three times, trying to decide what is yard sale or keep. She has heard about people donating purses with money left in them and is busy reviling 30 year old Kleenex. She must try everyone on for fit and debates the color, weight and familiarity.

Sixty four years in a home nets extensive collections. Though her house is pretty darn organized, she has stuffed every inch with 'stuff'. And every gift we have given her comes back to haunt.

I'm exhausted. My sister in law has proved challenging as she takes inventory of the "assets." she tears out and leaves the mess for me to pack or sort. She wants to know what is here. I just want to stay organized. SIL comes just long enough to pull out stuff before she leaves the mess.
It feels like there is weeks worth of work ahead but only if I don't take a break.

We had a major car breakdown yesterday with the legacy of the family in the trunk. Ugh. That is another story. Right now I am dead.

Hang in there, Golddust. Sorry to hear about SIL. Clearing out a house after so many years is a nightmare-I know! It is made even more difficult when the family member is still there and other family members don't help.

I hope you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

(((Golddust))), hang in there . . . and hang onto the fact that we're here for you, rooting you on!
Lynn

If it becomes too overwhelming to sort any more - and there's still stuff to be done - don't cavill over simply packing up the remainder and moving it to storage near you.

I know it's putting it off for another day, but at some point you may hit the wall. After that poor desperation-driven decisions or disagreements may arise. Save yourself, and your MIL, from any unnecessary emotional upset at this juncture. Pack it, label it, and get it out later when you're ready for more rounds. It might also be a useful activity for later on.

I know this from experience. My sister and I divided things after my Mother died. But there was still tons of stuff left (with me designated as the resolver of the problem). I opted to simply box everything that wasn't perishable up and move it en masse. I am so glad I did, because months and even years later I have delighted in things I would have tossed, or simply didn't recognize at the time. And it allowed me to to do the work after I had had time to digest my Mother's sudden death. I am lucky to have had the space to store things, but I think even if I had had to pay for storage it would have been a good investment in my own mental health.

When I commented above about driving big UHauls it was because I drove three packed-to-the-gills 28' UHaul trucks from VA to NY, sometimes with an additinal trailer in tow! Still even with all that effort, I'm glad I chose to allow myself the time to sort, not frantically toss my Mother's things.

I'm keeping you and your MIL in my thoughts and hope to hear soon that your main task is completed and you're back home in your house.

L.

Liriodendron, I'm following your lead. The lines I am drawing include a truck load of plastic flowers, broken or chipped cheap stuff and a million cheap baskets. Oh, and bags filled with faded and bent candles.

We have rented a storage unit and I figure I can keep Mom busy going through her stuff as we get her settled in. We have thee cars filled and a 24' rental truck packed to the gills. Her boys know how to pack a truck. Lol.

She collected glassware and I must have well over 20 boxes filled with it and there are three sets of dishes still to be packed. Ugh.

Thank you for your support. I know many have gone before me in this endeavor. I have done it with my own Mom. It doesn't get easier with experience.

Planning to start out tomorrow for home. The truck won't fit into my driveway do we will rent a smaller truck and make multiple local trips.

Gotta say I am laughing about the candles. We found drawers filled with them, too. Made me come home and toss all those partially-burned ones I had kept (oh man-taking after grandma and mother-ha).

Wishing you an uneventful trip home.

I love watching the three brothers together, remembering old times. They are so sweet to each other, none wanting to claim anything someone else may want. Knowing them the way I do after 35 plus years, I look for things each may want... They thank me when I give them things and I remind them that she is their mother - not my mother. Still they don't own their position. Whatever I want, I can have first. Whatever anyone else wants, they should have. What a beautiful trio of boys this woman raised!

Golddust,

Glad to hear you are appoaching the launch point.

Can I ask all other HD folks to chime in and add to my good thoughts and boatloads of energy headed Golddust's way?

From all the way across the country in northern NY: Beams and beams of energy and goodwill headed straight out for Golddust. Let's get her, and her MIL, home, safely, serenely, and soon!

Liriodendron

Sending lots of good energy from the Greater Philadelphia area. I am learning a lot. I know I have this ahead of me one day. I am the executor of my mother's estate and I also will be the one to dispose of all her earthly belongings. She has lived in an enormous house for 52 years. She'd done a pretty good job of cleaning out as she goes but there is PLENTY left. She also bought several sets of expensive china and silver as well as collections of cut glass, etc. I wish it was just the kind of things you can dump in a dumpster or take to the thrift shop, but it isn't. I dread the day. I will keep these tips in mind!

Good luck, Golddust. You get a gold star for this.

Dear Golddust,

I hope you are finally home and not still struggling to get your MIL all packed up and moved. Still sending you all the mojo I can spare just in case you're still on the road.

Looking forward to hearing you're home and sleeping in you own bed, at last! And that your MIL has weathered the transition as well as possible.

mojo-Mojo-MOjo-MOJo-MOJO for GD!

Liriodendron

We made it home Wednesday evening. The truck is still packed to the gills as it has been pouring rain and this morning i fought snow flakes the size of fifty cent pieces. I don't want to risk her furniture getting water marks on it so we slowed down to wait out the storm. We are going through boxes that made it here via cars.

The truck is parked at DD's house as it is too large for my driveway. The weather is supposed to clear by tomorrow so I have reserved a 10' truck to make smaller loads to my house/storage.

MIL's car broke down on the way here. The altinator went out and all oh her DH's paintings were in the trunk and we had to transfer them on the side of the freeway at night. I'm getting ready to drive to Sacramento to pick it up this afternoon.

My SIL gave me the worse cold I have had in years. Head and chest cold. Ugh. I'm tired.

The good news? MIL told me she didn't miss her house at all this morning.

There is so much stuff coming and that scares me. Lol.

Please make sure to take good care of yourself. Maybe the rain is a blessing to help you slow down a bit. I'm glad your MIL seems at home already. You are a superstar!

Hoping you're feeling better this morning, Goldie, and that your life will be back to (semi)normal again soon.
Lynn

Thank you, Lynne. I think this cold is settling in my chest. We waited out the storm and spent all day Saturday making my house look like I am a hoarder. I've spent the last two days emptying boxes and washing her glassware collection. Wish I knew more about glass and crystal. She says she has quite a few pieces of Fostoria. I need to learn about it so I know which pieces are valuable and what pieces are junk.

Her sitting room is coming together beautifully. I took pictures so I can replicate her rooms here and she is thrilled with her rooms so far.

I need man power to haul her dressers upstairs. They are 70's heavy stuff.
Mom seems to be settling in well. She told me she doesn't miss her house. Bringing her things was such a good thing for her. I am trying to make every room at least a little familiar so she doesn't feel like a permanent guest and I think it is working.

I am tired. This is the longest break I have taken in what seems like forever.