Maybe your DH meant it in a positive way? Like it was different and prettier?

Yeah, Jen, I think Mona is right. If he hadn't noticed at all, would you have minded?

I bet you'll be beautiful in the morning.

jlc,

What are you doing to de-stress? It sounds like you are going through absolute H E double L with your job right now. I hope the take home pay is worth it.

I'm less worried about your hair than your health... Please take care of yourself. Your hair color can always be fixed!

No... I appreciate the positive thoughts, but he made it very clear he doesn't like it. He likes my hair the way it is naturally, and just thinks I should accept my aging gracefully. :) I think that I look washed out with the lighter more strawberry blond color and like to add a little color. Oh well.

It was an attempt to de-stress and feel a little more positive. I have an almost 5 year old little boy and a hectic life. The problems at work are definitely sucking the life out of me.

I will know more by the end of next week-- whether my coworkers are coming back or not. If they don't, it will be difficult to stay, but I have too much invested to leave. It's a state job with good benefits. I have been there 15 years and have worked my tail off to get to the administrative position I'm in. I think I'm pretty good at what I do. The good friendships and fun we've had has always been the bonus that made my job great. I am so angry at how the investigation has been handled and how it has destroyed the workplace for all of us. It all started with a letter that some disgruntled entry level staff wrote. Apparently, if you can get a few people to repeat the same malicious rumors, it is enough to destroy careers and reputations. I feel like I'm living in a bad dream.

I don't know what to do to relax. I can't seem to stop thinking and thinking about it all, even in my sleep. My good friends are a great source of support, and my DS is a great distraction.

I've made it a point to not comment negatively when I meet a friend who looks stressed out, or not as good as usual, I've been on the receiving end and it does not help at all, it makes things worse. Yes the person is concerned and says it in good faith, but honestly, we know when we look less than our usual stellar self, do we need someone to tell us ?

You're living a bad situation and it will eventually pass, it's not a bad thing to live your emotions, find a way to pamper yourself or disconnect/escape until you are better able to deal with this.

good luck and keep us posted !

From your description your hair sounds lovely.

Perhaps your DH needs a little time to get used to the change?

I'm going to bypass all the stress issues because you already know it has a physical impact. Let's go straight to the 'fashion' end of this!

When I have my hair colored, any makeup I have on gets minimized greatly in the washing. Some water mist always hits my cheeks, to be sure all the hairline is clean the real washing extends onto my forehead and sides of my face a bit. Add to that there is now more of a contrast because my hair is darker when first colored. If I don't touch up my makeup as soon as I get home I look really washed out. And for the next few days I bump up the blush a bit, too. Unless you never wear any makeup (in which case I might have to hate you!) you probably just need a slight makeup adjustment to pull it off and not look as dragged out. That won't fix the stress issues but if you look less tired you may feel a bit better - if I look dragged out I always feel dragged out no matter which comes first. As for your DH - sigh... mine says the same thing sometimes about aging naturally. Ain't gonna happen - I want to look the age I feel, not the age I am. I don't want to ignore his input, but this is about me and he has learned to accept that and backed off. Husbands get SOME say but they are not the final arbiters on looks, IMO!!!

Awwww sweetie, that just sounds terrible!

Though they may be trying to be helpful, other people do say the stupidest things! They probably really care about you, but don't realize that those kinds of comments come across as criticism more than concern. Do your best to let their comments roll off your back. Of course, it's quite another thing to have DH make stupid comments! After 21 years of marriage to an otherwise great guy, I can honestly say that there is just no limit to the stupid things husbands will say.

If we were good friends and you were sitting in my kitchen telling me this, I'd say "Girlfriend, you need a vacation! Even just a weekend getaway will help. And if DH does not want to cooperate, then let's plan a girls' trip!" Then we'd pour some more coffee (or wine) and eat something chocolate. I'd give you my unbiased opinion about your hair, but remind you that it's YOUR hair--you can do what pleases YOU. I'd probably then say something like "...and DH needs to either be supportive or STFU. You are not his property!" Then we'd make a pact to power walk the neighborhood 3x a week to lift the mood and get the heck out of the house. Or book a massage down at the spa.

Where are your close friends? Has it been a while since you spent time with them? I found an article you may find interesting. The time you spend with friends may be more important than you think!

Here is a link that might be useful: how women manage stress

I agree -- you need some girlfriend time (with a margarita, perhaps, if that's allowed) and maybe a massage too. A deep-tissue massage if you can handle it. I have had a lot of stress this year which led to a bizarre and tremendously painful bout of TMJ (for 5 weeks, constant pain) which basically started because I store all my stress in my shoulders and neck, and it just traveled up from there. I now get regular massages from a very skilled massage therapist and it helps a lot!

Don't wait til you have TMJ or something a lot worse. Maybe you can't eliminate the source of stress right now, but you can find some ways to deal with it. Maybe even a bubble bath once a week... whatever works for you!

Your husband sounds like the typical man. Not all are like this, but I live with one like that too.

Not sure how old you are, but in the 80s perms became popular. Especially perms with long hair. The type of perm where you only run a pick comb through.

My hair was down my back and I decided to get a perm. It was awful. It was awful the minute I saw it in the mirror.

When I walked in the door, my husband and two sons started cracking up! But they did it in a fun way where I laughed with them.

I dind't think that thing would ever grow out!

Have you thought about askihg the doctor for an anti-anxiety med to take in the evenings? I take Xanax every now and then, and if I have to take one in the day I only take a half pill, and it really makes me de-stress and not sleepy either.

Bad job surroundings are the worst. I hope things look up!

yea margarita time girlfriend.
points to consider- husbands arent always fashion forward. They dont like or care about what we do( I am generalizing just to make a point) It DOES NOT mean your hair isn't looking great- he is just stuck in his rut.
Sometimes there is just nothing we can do to reduce the stress level- life doesn't allow it. we can try, but sometimes the stress is all consuming.Believe me I have been there way too many times for one person.
So one day at a time, one hour at a time.

I agree with cooperbailey. It's altogether possible your hair is lovely and your DH just needs to catch up.

Breathe. Remember to breathe. It will help.

You are all so sweet. Thanks! And you make me laugh.

(Tommorrowisanotherday "DH needs to be supportive or STFU" LOL LOL LOL)

I definitely need some girlfriend time. I have been on the phone with them A LOT. My DH is about the least nurturing person on earth, which I have had to learn over and over through our marriage.

I didn't even mention that tomorrow I am attending a funeral for another coworker. He died unexpectedly at the age of 40. His ex-wife left him AND their son several years ago. The son (now 10) is the one who found him not breathing in the morning. As if he hadn't been through enough with his mom leaving. Heartbreaking. It's going to be a brutal funeral.

Sunday-- will hopefully be a day to relax! If I can utilize all your suggestions, maybe a day of breathing, bubble bath, massage, chocolate, and alcohol? With an Ativan on top? Hee hee! The reality is I will do laundry, try to clean up the house, play with my son, and start dreading work. But, a bath and an Ativan are entirely possible :)

Well, Cooperbailey and I are going to take you out for margaritas. (As long as we don't have to parallel park... LOL... see "phobia" discussion.)

LOL too about STFU. That's a new one for me. I think I'll be using it regularly.

Jlc, I suppose you're now at the funeral. Sounds like a tough one. I hope you have a chance to unwind this evening a bit and, tomorrow is another day...as our wise friend TIAD reminds us. I do hope you catch up on your self care & that those work issues resolve soon. I applaud your efforts to juggle so much & do a good job under such trying circumstances.

Also, I hope that YOU are liking your hair as you have lived with it a bit longer! Keep us posted on things, o.k?

A note to Tomorrowisanotherday: I also enjoyed your supportive words of encouragement! You sound like a smart, interesting lady. Btw, is your screen name in homage to Scarlett O'Hara's famous line? Did you find inspiration in that for yourself?

How are you doing, jlc? I know this weekend must have been rough. I hope you got a chance to take some time for yourself and unwind :) I'm glad you laughed at what I said! I almost did not even post it, not wanting to offend (I know how easy that is to do over the internet).

Stinky, you are too kind :) My screen name is indeed taken from Scarlett's final words. Actually, she says stuff like that throughout the movie/book. Sometimes it shows her petulance and immaturity (which I totally relate to), and other times the line reminds us that we can't always solve our problems or even deal with them at the moment. To be able to shelve your worries and get a good night's sleep has its advantages! There is always a tomorrow--and therefore another/fresh opportunity to fix things or right your wrongs.

~Maintain hope, keep moving forward.~ That's what it means to me.

Thanks again. It is another day, and I am still kicking (and screaming, but only on the inside LOL).

The funeral was difficult, but I was able to speak to my friend's parents and son, and that was good. Lots of tears shed.

Today I have to attend another funeral-- my secretary's father died after a long illness. She is my right hand and I really want to support her.

This long run of painful and stressful events is almost becoming comical. At least I still have my sense of humor and some very good friends!

And, my hair is ok. A bit dark, but red fades quickly. I have gotten quite a few compliments...

Thanks again for the support!

Jen