"I bought her a baby bunny to try to help,and she says it's just not the same.She loves the new bunny,but says that the other pet was her "best friend" . I'am trying so much to distract her from her feelings!" I think that may be your key, right there. I've lost pets before and even though I was a lot older and more experienced with life than your daughter at the time, I knew I couldn't handle trying to make a new bond with a different pet so soon. She is right. It ISN'T the same. She knew and loved that particular pet. (And, really, that's a very healthy indication that she is capable of forming seriously meaningful relationships.) When you say that you are trying so hard to distract her from her feelings I get nervous. Wouldn't it be kinder to be the person she can safely share her feelings with? She IS sad. It would be unsettling if she were not! I realize how hard it is to stand by and know that your child is in pain. Heaven knows I have been there and didn't like it a bit. It is so very tempting to do anything and everything just to make it go away and fix it so the child smiles and plays again. Unfortunately, for the child the subtitle on that is that there is something wrong with her grief and that she should stop that as soon as possible. Those are the times that do "hurt us more than it hurts them" but I think it is very important not to force them to repress their normal feelings of sadness or unhappiness just so we don't have to empathize their pain. What a resource you can be for her if you can allow her to feel what she feels. Understand that it is going to take some time to get better (you might let her know that because she may be worried that this sadness is permanent). And of course you will want to watch out for signs that her grief is expanding or becoming chronic. Sometimes a child needs the help of a good counselor to get through the really hard times. But it may just be a little too soon for cheering up. I think it would mean a lot more for her if you let her know that the sorrow she is feeling is understandable, justified, and normal. She may need to cry. She may need to talk about her pet. Through all that you can be accepting and validating while you let her know that it will get better and that it won't always be so painful.

I know everyone is waiting for my report on yesterday's "Messy Olympics" so here it is! I really appreciate all the comments over the last few days. All I can say is, WHAT A MESS! My husband really convinced me that we should let the kids participate. He thought it sounded fun from the start and that they would remember it for the rest of their lives. Sarah and Adam are really good students and it seems like they are always doing school work, reading, playing musical instruments (Sarah plays the violin and Adam just started on the trumpet) and other constructive things so why not let them break loose and do something totally stupid and wild and crazy for once? Plus, everyone made a trip to the store to pick out canned goods to donate to the church's charity program. The amount of good food that was brought to the church by all the kids was stunning, so that was really positive. I really wanted to get to watch the event (still a little nervous) so I joined an army of parents in the preparation. A local supermarket donates a van full of "old" food and the church uses the food fight as a way of bringing in new students to the youth program. There was a lot of work to prepare for this event! They had four kiddie pools which we filled with mashed potatos, baked beans, spaghetti-o's and raw eggs (we had to crack about 200 eggs!) As we were dumping in the beans, ect I still couldn't believe this was for real! The students brought buckets to slime each other. Four folding tables were filled with pies (whipped cream and chocolate pudding on paper plates), ketchup, mustard, chocolate sauce, salad dressings, containers of ice cream (which melted becoming a sticky mess), jars of peanut butter. When Sarah and Adam saw it all they looked kind of shocked like they couldn't believe they were really going to be allowed to do this. Sarah said, "Mom, this is going to be sooo gross!" but when they joined their friends they started laughing. The youth director had everyone count down from 10 and then it was total chaos! The kids were totally unrecognizable by the end. They really looked like creatures from a bad science fiction movie, all covered in slime. I can't say that I didn't feel a little uneasy watching my beautiful son and daughter get hit with pies, squirted with mustard and get spaghetti-o's dumped over their heads, but all in all it was harmless fun. Sarah and Adam both said it was "cool." and they can't wait to do it again next year. What was really interesting was standing with the other parents and watching the expressions on the faces of toddlers as they watched their older brothers and sisters throw food at each other! Anyway, everyone looked neat and clean in church this morning, so I guess this goes down as a fun adventure for us!

My first boyfriend, and I guess first love, was in the Corp. I was still in HS at the time - he had graduated the year before, so that was quite a while ago. But, I remember the pride he had, being a Marine. That must have passed to me because I wanted to join. Everyone told me that I was crazy because women did not belong in the Corp at the time, and encouraged me to join the AF instead. I never did though. I have to say that my friend was not the best "kid" before going into the Military, but he truly grew up while there. But I think it was the Marine Corp that did it. They are truly a special group - there is a bond that is almost unspeakable. My friend went to Nam, and it was a different Corp then, then now. But, out of all the branches of the Military, I think there is something about a Marine in dress blues that you don't find anywhere else. I had several family and friends in different Branches, including my Dad who was in the AF, and a family friend that was career Army and the first minority General in his rank (don't remember which, but it was in Life magazine). But seeing my friend after having spent time in the Corp, I know there is a difference, and he was different too. He had some fears but the Corp's principles gave him a sense of pride and mystery that you kinda never could crack. Even still, he never brought it home; I just knew it was there, if you will.

I associate out-of-season Christmas trees with sadness and tragedy. The first time I heard of people keeping a Christmas tree up year round was in relation to a child who had been kidnapped and the family was vowing to keep the Christmas tree until the child was back. Then I heard about people who keep the tree up expecting the return of family military members in the Spring and wanting them to have Christmas. To me there is nothing festive about a decorated Christmas tree out of season.