Great question. Guess it is who you hang out with. I sweat and get very dirty and pretty smelly. So do the people I hang with. I have had more guys of all ages " come on to me" that it is funny. I am 60 and feel great and am out and about all the time.

I do " clean up nice" as one male friend told me. That means I put on clean clothes and a spritz of perfume and some earrings. That's it. Never ever wear makeup other than mascara on rare occasions. I think it is the way you project yourself. More about being comfortable in your skin than about how you paint, tuck and cover it up. c

Very well said trailrunner, I agree. I think sex appeal is more about how comfortable you are with WHO you are rather than how you look. Some women won't get dirty and smelly because it's well, uh "icky". Sex appeal is a woman who has many aspects to her; the dirty, the grimey, the clean-up side and the woman who is not afraid to try these things.

In decorating, there are different tastes. It's the same for what is considered sex appeal.

The SATC women, for example, are too overdone and not appealing to me unless they are toned way down. I hate buying clothes and don't own hardly anything dressy. The dressy clothes I do own, I rarely wear. I think someone (man or woman) dressed more casual that carries themselves well (sure of themselves) has a bigger appeal, and they don't have to be drop dead gorgeous. Have never understood those that think beauty equals sex appeal.

Like Caroline, I get dirty working out in the yard, or helping DH build a fence. Always have and don't mind. I actually like it as long as it's not 100 degrees and humid!

lol It's not a secret I had a little work done last summer, but I wasn't uncomfortable in my skin. I just didn't like my skin going south! Will I have more done elsewhere? No.

I was in the Army Reserve for several years, pre-babies. Combat and Support, running war games east of the Mississippi River. I can't tell you how many times I was hit on and asked out (by single and married men). Not sure there was sex appeal oozing in OD green fatigues, combat boots and my hair pulled up so it wasn't touching my collar. But there was something appealing about me turning them all down (the can't have?) and shooting an M16 better than most of the men. ;)

I killed a rattlesnake a few years ago and posted a picture on another forum of me holding it before skinning. DH said something about what other men would think. I thought he was nuts, until a friend of mine told me her DH said "that's hot!" How funny is that.

ditto, ditto, ditto! I agree with so much of what has been said. To me, it's almost an attitude - or like has been said, how we feel about ourselves, how comfortable we are in our own skin.

I'm a girly girl and I love being one. But, I have many sides LOL. I love the outdoors. I once had someone say to me (to my girly-girl self), "you don't look like someone who would go camping. LOL!! But I do, and I love it. I can get down and dirty with the best of them. Love working in the yard, the garden, etc.

Do I have sex appeal? Now sure how others perceive me, but my hubby thinks so, and that's really all that matters.

tina

I am really enjoying the responses. Tina hit the nail on the head with her comment about her DH. I wear my hair VERY short.Some might not think it is feminine but it is me and sure easy to care for with my active lifestyle. As it has grayed it looks better and better, at least that is what everyone says. I get it cut every 3 weeks .

When I rode up on my bike the other day DH was working outside. He waited till I pulled off my bike helmet with a flourish..ta-da! He reached out and rubbed his hand over my head....smiled and said " nice haircut!". I won't say where we went next but it wasn't in the garden :) c

Sex appeal really has nothing at all to do with makeup, clothing, plastic surgery, etc. IMO,sex appeal is a combo of many things that come from within - self confidence, great attitude, humility, sense of humor, great smile, good posture, etc. All things that that money can't buy.

Good answers!

I've seen some VERY unattractive women that have no problem getting a date.....they say men are visual...but "I" think they are looking for a woman they can walk away from. A woman that won't cling. Then they fall in love....and THEY cling! :0) Just a thought..

Nicole had a BRILLIANT answer there!!

From a Guy POV here...
* Average looking Women can seem so damn hot & interesting if they're involved, and "show" themselves respectfully.
* If they carry conversations with interest, and don't seem fake, that can really hook a Guy!
* Not gonna say how I know this Woman, but She often describes hunting, riding snowmobile, sharp dresser, loves her small-town bar, Football, and lots of other "Guy" stuff!
(...if I wasn't married....;-))
* Yep...the whole "Saran-wrap" thing...CLINGY to Guys = "I'm outta here..."
* Aloof, confident, & interesting Women are MAGNETS...even if we (Guys) don't realize it, and we often don't!!!
THEN we're hooked!

A "Stone cold stunner" of a Woman would probably he H#ll to spend any time with. The more "Regular" Women can hook Guys with very little effort, other than being themselves!

>>> Like fishing...there's little interest/fun catching the easy ones.
The average one that seems "just out of reach" is what defines sex-appeal for ME anyway!

Ahhhhh....the ageless "battle" continues, doesn't it?!?!

Faron

Nice having a guys' perspective Faron!

Before DH, when I was a single woman, my sister and I used to go out dancing a lot. She and I were very different looks wise, both attractive, but physically different shapes. We learned that men who were attracted to her were not attracted to me, and vice versa. My sister was (and is) a 'high maintenance' gal...tanning, nails, hair, make up, whereas I'm more 'natural'. I did my hair & make up, but much more simply and didn't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror. Neither one of us had trouble meeting men, but the primary difference between us is that when I'd be out, make up free, hair looking like I just rolled out of bed, in my grubbies, men would stop me on the street, literally, to tell me I was the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen. My sister NEVER stepped out of the house without full make up and hair, and she'd get attention, but never like I got.

I never realized that what I had was sex appeal (until I got older & wiser!). I think it was that I was comfortable in my own skin, and I had no pretentions. I was approachable when I wasn't all dolled up. In fact, one fellow I dated told me that he was afraid to approach me when I was all fixed up, since I seemed too aloof. So maybe that is the secret? Being approachable?

As I've aged, I still 'have it'...in the sense that my personality shines. I joke that I have no pride...while doing my job, if I fall down and get muddy I laugh, I'm not a priss about it. And men (and women) seem to like that I'm down to earth.

My mother, at 70 still has sex appeal. Men love my mother, I think because she's a man's woman...she's not all 'girly', and that is how I am. So I think that it's definitely self confidence, not being high maintenance and being personable is what is attractive. But of course, it's all about the different strokes...some men WANT the high maintenance, SATC look gals, it's just that I'm not one of them, so the types of men I've always attracted are the ones who like me.

I know what it is from the other side, what I find appealing in a man. Initially, a handsome man who is well groomed and carries himself well, and dressed nicely albeit casually or in a suit.
Today, there was an OLD man in the grocery store who was one of the sharpest looking guys I've seen in ages. Impeccably groomed with a gorgeous long swingy jacket, just the right style of very hip casual European shoes and beautiful trousers. Very tall, he looked like an old Gregory Peck. I found myself lingering in produce, watching him in awe.

So what I find attractive is usually smarts, power and sophistication with a package maintained reasonably well.

Can't speak for what's appealing in a woman, but I know the longer and blonder my hair gets, the more looks I get. Too funny/predictable!

Accurate post Pesky!

Yes, for the most part, the Drop-dead-Gorgeous "High-maintenance" types rarely seem "approachable"....makes a Guy think "I have no chance in hell even getting her name, so why bother....". OR..."even if I'm on a date with her, I couldn't afford it for long"!

Yeah....give me the approachable, ain't-afraid-to-dish-it-out, little bit rowdy, little bit classy, little bit rugged, yet knows-how-to-turn-it-up kinda Woman! THAT'S what entrances many Guys anyway!

A Woman that knows how to change a tire, swear a little, and ride a sled...GIVE ME HER number! LOL!

Faron

Sex appeal is likely a varied thing and I think it can accommodate many types. There is a place in this world for the princess and for very capable women as well.

As it relates to clothing for young girls in the Jr. Department (not to mention their take on feminism) is that many young woman have not found their own worth yet and thus grab hold of the one thing they know they can work, their sexuality. Girls are getting breasts before they even know who they are as a woman. Unfortunately too few girls have developed the confidence be something more than a piece of meat.

Well-said, Tish. I so agree that young girls do seem overly concerned about and dependent upon boys finding them "hot." The entertainment industry certainly promotes the idea that a young woman's sexuality is what defines her and gives her worth.

Unfortunately, there are women my age (48) and older who are still grasping and striving for the "ultimate" proof of their worth...being viewed as "sexy" by a male...any male, and preferably, every male!

I live in a beach town where I see "mature" women still caving into popular culture's emphasis on Barbie-esqe looks- getting boob-jobs, staying perpetually tan, maintaining impossibly white teeth, bleaching hair until it resembles straw, and starving and working out as if they were in boot camp.

Rather than appearing sexy, all that effort to conform to cookie-cutter standards strikes me as very sad.

I agree with so many of the posters on this thread who emphasize that sexual attractiveness is located within a person's essence; not their weight, cup size or hair color.

Vitality, energy, compassion and an "inner glow" draw one person to another, imo. Hopefully, mature sexuality is built more and more around these unseen, intangible qualities, and less around having a mate who is a dead-ringer for a Playboy centerfold.

This thread is getting interesting.

Sex appeal to me in a man? Someone down to earth, laughs easily (that sexy little grin), confident, compassionate, caring. Someone who makes you feel like YOU are the only other person on earth. Again, comfortable in their own skin (I guess confident covered that). So much sexier to me than good looks (although that doesn't hurt), fancy clothes, etc.

Scent comes into play also - for me.

tina

Interesting Tina...

Are you talkin' about the "Harrison Ford" kinda Guy?

Faron

Cyn, funny you should say that. When I was in my late 40's, I was helping my 'then' 20 year old son and a friend get ready for a Halloween party. The very 'cute' friend looked at me and said, 'Patty, do you know how sexy you are'? I just laughted, but I thought about what he said later that evening and wondered if I 'was'. No one had ever told me I was, and it wasn't something I took for granted, but Mom always told me I was 'cute', but not 'sexy'.

I know it's not a 'look', but feel it's an energy or an essence of 'something' someone projecs onto other people. I once 'fell in love' with a guy that I could only call charming, and I hardly knew him~~he just 'was', still is, and I can't put my finger on what 'it' is.

Yes, clothes, make-up, and other tangibles help, but I believe true sex appeal, is what 'oozes' from the inside, to the outside. ;o)

tina, scent comes into play for me too!

patty_cakes, interesting you bring up Marilyn Monroe in your OP. I recall reading how she shocked an interviewer when she said she did her own shopping and just walked into a drugstore if she needed something. How could MM not get noticed in the drug store aisles? Easy, she said - she wore unbecoming clothes and slouched as she walked around, and wound up looking so little like the goddess that steamed up the silver screen that she went completely unnoticed. She could turn her sex appeal off when it was detrimental, just by not carrying herself in the way she was normally seen on screen and stage.

An interesting article about a more recent actress furthered Marilyn's point. A perhaps lesser known but equally (more?) talented Tilda Swindon was posing in a NYC art gallery wearing 7" stilettos and a silk miniskirt; neatly made up as she got down on the floor, then raised herself onto a shoulder stand, dangling her legs preipitously, her 5'11" frame skyrocketing at scintillating angles as she portrayed various other glamourous New York women.

But when the photographer asked her to portray herself, she quickly dropped the carefully choreographed moves. "Do you want me as I am?" she asks, running her fingers through her styled red hair and across her blushed cheeks. "Because this isn't how I look." So, unasked, she just walks into the bathroom, dunks her head in the sink, and runs the faucet (cold water!) all over her face and hair until all her makeup and perfume rinse down the drain. She lifts her head, sopping wet. (caring not a whit that the surprised camera guy was shooting this Hollywood actress with her ear under a fluorescent-lit bathroom faucet).

{{gwi:1501447}}

You want to see how I really look" Here! (washes everything off). She went to the Oscars looking almost that way. By refusing to play the diva, she becomes one anyway, lending her charismatic cachet to avant-garde cult films and mainstream Hollywood fare alike. She was slated to pose nude in a 1999 film that was shot only 4 weeks after she had twin babies and her body wasn't back in shape. "So I thought the one thing I could contribute was the real body of someone who had just given birth." She continues to eschew makeup. As her stylist/friend notes, "This is skin born of the Scottish highlands, so why hide it? Why the hell put foundation on it and all this garish lipstick?"

Now that, my dears, is sex appeal.

It's so not the clothes, shoes, or perfume you're wearing. Handbags? Do men even look at handbags?

SATC women: appealing for their independence (usually), lack of despairation (usually), but not for their obsession with trendy clothes and consumerism and their disdain for men in general, no matter how deserved.

@TR, just wait 'til your plants grow taller and form their own fence. Then you won't need to run from your garden in such choice times....

Sex appeal, from least to most:

Low -- talking with other women in packs.

Moderately low -- sitting against the wall in silence alone. We may chat you up, if there's nothing else exciting going on, but I'd rather strike up a convo with someone who looks like she's having a good time, or whose words I overhear give me an entry point into her social group. If this is you, wear an unusual or distinct item to the gathering, especially if there's an interesting story behind it. It's an easy conversation starter for others.

Moderately high-- actually out on the floor mingling. There must be something interesting about you. And there's usually an opportunity for me to join in.

High-- chatting up any man you fancy yourself !!

No need to stop the presses to note that confidence is sexy. I spent a good part of a year observing my male roommate from several years back, for whom the term "chick magnet" would need to be invented if it didn't already exist. He exuded more confidence than anyone I've known before or since, and always had women throwing themselves at him whereever he went. My revelation was that being a chick magnet has nothing to do with magnetism. They aren't magnetically attracted to him; rather, the attraction was in the opposite direction; he attracted himself to the ladies, who merely responded in kind. It was like he planted seeds of potential attraction everywhere he went (all the time, not just at parties), and followed up on promising leads. He didn't get lucky; rather, he made his own luck. He invited me to one of his parties, and I decided to act as he did. I struck up conversations with everyone I met. I remembered names and how they met other partygoers. When I met the next group, I'd mention what I learned about them from the earlier group that had some mutual friends. I made everyone feel welcome and wanted. If I saw a woman who didn't look like she was enjoying the party, I'd walk up to her and talk for awhile, learn her interests and connections, and introduce her to others I thought she'd like, so she'd feel like she belonged here.

By the end of the party that Friday night, I was in a quandary. Which of the three (or maybe four) women who'd asked me should I go home with that night? Let me make clear here: this simply does not happen to me. I attend parties as a single guy and leave alone and frustrated 85% of the time. Once in a blue moon I'll get lucky and a woman will give me her phone number, or better yet, invite me to spend the night. But four women? That just doesn't happen, except when I act like I did that night. I too could radiate confidence, and I learned to be forever haunted by the thought that there's some interesting people out there that I haven't yet met, and want to meet them and know them as well as possible (which is how I have always felt anyway; I just didn't convey that to others). Parties like that one I cherish. I've hosted a few parties of my own (12 to 150 people) over the last two years. Alot of preparation, lots of cleanup afterwards (perhaps I should use the word "repair" rather than cleanup), but so worth it. I can't wait for spring weather.

> A Woman that knows how to change a tire, swear a little, and ride a sled...GIVE ME HER number! LOL!

Yes, Faron, that's a turn-on for me too. My longest relationship was with someone who helped rebuild a car engine before we'd met; she told me that and I knew she would be my girl (she was, for several years). I've long wondered if the same is true in reverse. I know alot of guys who are impressed by a woman who can throw a good sprial, change her own tire, or operate power tools. Do women like men who know how to sew their own torn trousers? Or does that just make us look sissified? (DOUBLE STANDARD if yes!)

Last totum of sex appeal - being a good listener. Works for both genders.

lee676, well said!! You either have 'it' or you don't! ;o)

I take it I don't..... right?

Hey lee676, I don't know you, but have a feeling you have 'it'! Being a great listener, intelligence, and a sense of humor are the top three on my list for men.

I believe there are many who *think* they have it, and like I said, depend on exterior 'motives'.

Fixing things 'under the hood' always intriqued me, but I could never find someone who wanted to take the time to teach me. I *did* teach myself tho use power tools though. ;o)

> Being a great listener, intelligence, and a sense of humor are the top three on my list for men.

Being a great listener is the bedrock of my existence; it boosts not only sex appeal but also friendships, business relations, talking my way out of traffic tickets, and every other aspect of life. A sense of humor makes everything more pleasant, so I try to be funny and at least sometimes succeed. Intelligence? Oh well, two out of three ain't bad....

I'm a major car buff, so I always like when women can fix or maintain their own cars, but that's not the real reason I find it appealing. It's more that it shows she doesn't couch her femininity in ineptitude about how to change a spark plug.

Incidentally, you know how if you ever get stranded with a broken-down car, there's always a man around who will offer to try to fix it? He will pop open the hood, peer underneath, examine the belts and pulleys and hoses and vacuum lines. And in all probability, still won't be able to get your car running. Here's a closely-guarded secret that will get me tarred and feathered by other menfolk if they ever found out I was divulging our closely-guarded secret: 99% of us have no idea how to fix a broken car. But we don't want to admit that, and since nothing makes us feel more manly than rescuing some damsel in broken-down-in-the-shoulder-lane distress, we'll always open the hood and look around, pretending we have some clue as to what we're looking at.

I actually could do alot of maintenence on my old car. I changed the filters, repacked the wheel bearings. But new cars are a mystery to me. I open the hood and there's this big plastic thing that covers everything. Is there an engine under here somewhere?

Saw this article and thought of the thread...

Here is a link that might be useful: food for thought

....'authentic choice'. Those two words alone pretty much sum up girls as well as grown women don't have a clue what sex appeal is w/o showing lots of skin or 'acting out'. Maybe there should be a class in school teaching the 'etiquette' of learning what appeals to the opposite sex, w/clothing left on. ;o)

Here's a closely-guarded secret that will get me tarred and feathered by other menfolk if they ever found out I was divulging our closely-guarded secret: 99% of us have no idea how to fix a broken car.

Here's a maybe less closely guarded secret... We know ;). It's still pretty cute when you try though :D.

I don't know how to change a spark plug and don't care to. I don't like doing ANYTHING under the hood of my car, I don't like the kind of dirt that is under there (the particular kind of powdery sticky greasy stuff) and I hate just having to top off fluids (but I do it). I don't think I am couching my femininity in anything really but I just ain't that kind of a girl and I'm not going to pretend to be to get a guy. I do, however, do my own reno projects and operate power tools and am not afraid to get covered in plaster dust or drywall dust or sawdust or any other construction stuff... so I am not a total princess, just a little bit of one.

As far as turnabout and the turn on factor of men doing traditional "women's jobs"... There is something EXTREMELY alluring about a man who can take care of himself and doesn't need a woman to take care of him... at least to me. If you can cook, and do it well, and want to make me feel spoiled by making me a gourmet meal once in a while or make me breakfast on the weekends... it will rev my engines. Clean up after yourself? OMG. Do your own laundry, even if you've decided that it's a waste of precious time to fold your underwear since it is under your clothes and doesn't matter if it is wrinkled anyway and the wrinkles are gone by the end of the day when I might see it and you'd rather spend that time paying attention to me than neatly folding your underwear? That is very ok too.

At the risk of sounding really self centered... just about the sexiest thing a man can be is someone who makes me feel amazing just to be alive and just to be me... someone who pays attention to me... I mean REALLY pays attention and notices things (both large and small). Someone who is expressive... both verbally and physically... someone who does not take my crap... someone who makes me laugh and makes me feel special and makes me feel attractive. Someone who lights me up. It requires sincerity and authenticity and not just "lines" but if you want me to want you, make me feel wanted too. Maybe this is charm, maybe this is chemistry, maybe it's charisma... but I do think that the most successful people in life are those who do all of the above even in non-mating type scenarios. People who can make others feel good about themselves, who take the time to notice and comment and take the energy to make people around them feel like they matter, especially in a world where people are increasingly isolated from each other, are like magnets I think. Others just want to be around them.

Jeez....I must be a "DREAM-BOAT"!!!

* I CAN actually do some under-hood work...
* I vacuum a lot, and wash floors...Bona handle though (knees are gettin' older...;-)!
* I clean carpets frequently...
* I wash AND hang most of the clothes. Folding and putting-away? Welllll...I'm not the best there!
* Cooking. Well. OK. I'm only an average cook!
* I tend to talk a lot...about goofy things!
* Also- I'm a decent interior painter...
* AND....I usually do these things...IN MY KHAKI SHORTS and a nice polo shirt!

HUGE turn-on alert here Ladies...
>>> I can change oil on big tractors!!
>>> I think I grew up with grease on my arms! ....aaannd dirt, and barley/wheat/sunflower dust....

Faron

Faron, if you *think* you're a dream boat, there's a good chance you are~~it's all a state of mind, you know! ;o)

I very rarely post here but do visit occasionally and wanted to chime in on this one. I read that Ellen DeGeneres said sex 'appeal' and 'attraction' are two different things. She said that occasionally she has a male guest on who she finds to be a very sexy man, because of his personality, smile, sense of humor, etc., yet she has zero sexual 'attraction' to him. I understand what she means.

When DH and I first started dating, his car broke down on his way to pick me up so he called and asked if I could pick him up and take him to the auto parts store. I showed up and there he was with his head under the hood of his '71 Mustang. Hair pulled back in a half ponytail and grease on his hands and clothes. At that moment I was hooked!

Patty....

You're right!!

I AM a dreamboat...;-)

(and MY mind IS in quite a state!...hey...wait a minute...)

Faron

Picky, since Ellen is gay, I understand why she would have zero sexual attraction to *any* man, yet she may find him sexy and have sex appeal. Attractive stands on it's own, as does charm. ;o)