Thanks for asking, I am ok.

I decided to see another doctor who was recommended by several. Unfortunately I had to wait until 3/16 to see him. I realized the wait would not harm me after I did some research. The worst part of the wait is that these last few weeks have been fairly normal at home, kinda like this cancer is not real. But it did give us time to start dd in softball. Now that she is back doing it she is so happy, really motivated. She is back on track with school, close to having all As again. Or ds is fine. His teacher has a brother with cancer so she has been kind of a support for my ds. They talk about me and her brother. He is having his port put in next week. She will be perfect to have chats with him because they are both dealing with someone going through same stuff at same time. Good for teacher too. DH is just the best. He is back into kayaking and really happy, which makes me happy too. I love driving up to the mountain rivers with him. This time of year especially is just so relaxing.

I ran into an old coworker at the wig shop. She is at her second chemo appt. I heard she was a bit sad and our mutual friend told her we should chat. Funny I ran into her. She looked so pretty- of course she is drop dead gorgeous to begin with. It perked her up a lot to see me. She is still working, thinks that will keep her mind busy although her dh wants her to stop working. I told her I stopped back in Feb. Think that really encouraged her to think harder about it. We will stay in touch.

As for wig, I picked out the newest style. It is called Kate, which it is just like the show without the spiky back. It is more layered in back. But it is darling on and dh loved it. I plan to keep the style even after my hair grows back.

So today I get the port, Tues I have an echo done to establish my heart health. This chemo stuff is nasty and so we need to make sure my heart is healthy through all this. Hopefully chemo will start any day after that.

I will keep you all posted. I have not cried in a while. I call the last three weeks the honeymoon because it has been so happy and lovely. Now the reality of the situation is back and we move on to this new life of mine. It still seems so unreal. I don't know when I will ever grasp the reality of all this. Hard to describe.

Well, have to get kids to school, drop off money for the team banner to team mom, get gas, take dd pants to tailor. Oh yeah, get a chemo port.

Life goes on.

Good luck Shannon. Sounds like you are coming to terms with the situation and moving forward. You CAN beat this! Your attitude sounds very healthy. Please keep us posted and know that there are those here thinking of you. I will keep you in my prayers.

tina

A friend of mine named her port (Portia), since they have such an intimate and, in her case, long term relationship. It helps her view it as an ally in the fight.

She also wears very casual, comfortable, and almost crummy clothes for chemo visits. She feels she isn't going to dress up for cancer, it's not a special event. It's maintenance, like yard work, so she won't dignify it with her good clothes.

Those are 2 little things that empower her. Maybe it's something you can use.

Wishing you continued good luck & good health.
Jean

About 7 years ago, a very good friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy and did the chemotherapy for several months.

It was hard because we had another friend going through treatment for ovarian cancer and cervical cancer, so it was scary having two close friends going through chemo at the same time.

For my friend with the breast cancer, her surgery and treatments took about 8 months to be completely done. She lost all her hair and wore these lovely scarves. I remember her hair grew back in really curly. But now, it's back to being poker straight.

Long story short, at the time, the treatments were all consuming and the fear of cancer overwhelming. We celebrated her 5 year anniversary 3 years ago, and those 8 months were a blip on the radar screen of her life. She stayed strong and fought the battle. I think it changed her forever, but in a good way. She lives life with much more gusto and appreciation than before. She and her hubby have taken their kids to Italy and done alot of traveling that she would have put off for years.

I'm trying to learn some of her life lessons, enjoy your life, appreciate your family and live each day fully. You are fighting a scary battle right now, but I could get hit by a bus tomorrow - you just never know what each day will bring.

Take care, and stay strong and remember you can beat this thing and still look cute in your wig!
ps. My other friend also beat her ovarian cancer battle. It was ironic that she was diagnosed with cervical cancer via her annual pap. Initially, they thought she just had cervical cancer, but when they started doing some further studies and scans they discovered the ovarian cancer. It was in stage 1 - which is so rare to get a diagnosis at this point because it's non symptomatic at stage 1. So, her favorite story is that cervical cancer saved her life. Without that irregular pap test, she wouldn't have found out about the ovarian cancer until it was much more advanced.

Shannon, I was going to tell you a similar story to Caroleah's...but to make another long story short, I know so many who have gone though what you've gone through and are decades cancer free (almost every woman in my family, including my sister...she's 17 years cancer free, knock wood!)

We'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

The port placement went well. Nurse was a hoot. Doc was easy on the eye which was good since I was basically awake. Well it seems that the middle of the surgery is a blank, but I remember the beginning and the end. Kinda like the tv being turned off for a few minutes during a mystery movie.

I was in a lot of pain Friday night but did not take anything. Had to use two pillows because I could not lay flat.

Today we took bandage off, they trusted dh to check, and he said it looked really good. Actually, the 1.5 in cut is going to heal very nicely. There is a tiny cut 1/4" at base of neck and it is really hard to see. The bump from the port really does not stand out too much, even with a strapless tank top. Kinda looks like that knot we have on our wrists.

I have a chemo class today where they basically tell you what the treatment procedure is like. Tomorrow is my echo which is needed to get a baseline of my hearts condition. One of the chemo meds is really scary in relation to the heart to they need to really watch it. I am hoping first dose is Thurs or Friday.

I was a little disturbed last night. Remember the posting about privacy??? Well maybe I am being a little over sensitive but I think I have a right. I have only told a few people, basically only those who really need to know. I decided to tell my dd's coach as I will not be as active on team as usual and figured he is a friend and would better understand dd if he knew. He already knew. A mutual friend told him. She has known me for 8yrs through sports. Well she also told another mom, one I only met this Fall as he dd played on my dd's team. That woman told her dd who goes to school with my dd but is not considered a friend really. Well it turns out the girl approached my dd on Friday to express sympathy. Not what my dd was expecting.

I know my friend meant well but was surprised she would tell someone I barely know. Plus I was surprised the woman would tell her dd. Well, I sent emails to both women asking that they respect my privacy and not share my situation with anyone else. I wrote it really nicely, I did not want them to think I was mad.

It reminds me of a few years ago when a mom had brain cancer and died at home. The stories that swirlled around the elementary school were really upsetting to the family. I know people have good intentions but just don't think they truly realize how personal things like this are. It is really awkward to have someone come up to you when you don't know they know, you start wondering what exactly they do know. They you feel like you have to explain stuff to them. Again, they all have good intentions.

Otherwise I am moving on with all this. Of course I have been so careful about avoiding sneezing people and washing my hands but it looks like I have either a little allergy thing going on or start of a little spring cold. Hope it is just the allergy thing.

Hi Shannon,
It sounds like you are managing incredibly well. Kudos to you! (and to your kids too, they sound like real troopers.) I do hope it's *just* allergies, as annoying as those can be. There are so many nasty viruses going around this year.

I can sympathize with your feelings of your privacy being violated. My neighbor had a heart attack on Saturday and a whole bunch of people who don't even know her name keep asking me about all the details. I just tell them I don't know. It's some kind of weird schadenfreude.

Just wanted to say I'm still thinking and praying for you. Keep us posted.

Thoughts and prayers to you, it will go well. Keep up your spunk and you have plenty of that. We will want you to keep us posted if you will and I bet you'll look adorable in the wig. Thinking of you!!

Adding my supportive thoughts also, you are on the right track, I wish you renewed strength and keep us posted !!!

I have decided to name my port. It is "My Worst Best Enemy" because I hate it but need it to help me.

I was a little disappointed to have to wait until Monday to start my chemo but it will allow me to go to my dd's opening day and first game on Sat. Then I go every third Monday with July 12 being the final infusion. So only 6 visits. Not bad.

When I went to office today I passed by my doctor. I figured he would not remember me from three weeks ago. When we stopped to talk to his nurse he came over and said hello. He was so sweet and was up to speed on my case right off the bat. I was very pleased.

I think whatever this bit of congestion is it is minor.

The one lady who mentioned my situation to her dd replied. She just was not thinking but just told her dd to be kind to mine and make sure no one is bothering her. Truly good intentions as I suspected but she still needed to know that my dd does not want any attention and that sharing personal info is not always a wise thing to do. I am glad I brought it to her attention and glad she knows I am not upset. Other friend, the one who told her, left me a phone message and I will call her. She did not realize it was a secret (well it really isn't a huge secret but still not something you share with someone I barely know) and expressed how her dh went through battle with his sister a few years ago. He was very concerned about me and meant no harm. I knew they meant well, again just needed to be reminded that you don't go sharing other people's personal matters to people they are not friends with. I will call her later today and let her know all is cool. She is a good friend and want to make sure she knows that personally.

Funny thing is that people will talk about you to others but don't bother to call me directly. I guess they figure they don't want to intrude but then again don't realize their talking can get back to me and be more bothersome. I am glad I am handling it before it turns into a wildfire. My dh had a coworker- remember he is in medicine and there are policies about discussing patients with other people- share my info with someone my dh barely knows. It then was told to her friend who happens to know my husbands friend. That guy ends up calling us out of the blue. Dh is trying to keep this somewhat private. Next thing you know his patients will start knowing. That will be really awkward. Actually, we ran into one of his elderly patients at radiology center. He sent her there for a procedure. He went over to say hello. If she asks he will of course just tell her I was there for an appointment and nothing more.

Anyhoo, thanks for all the support.

Shannon, I wish you all the best and know at this point the waiting for treatments to start is probably the most stressful because you just want to get going.

I would say while I appreciate your desire to keep things private, sometimes that tends to make things even worse. People by nature are curious and especially concerned about people they know who are ill or diagnosed with cancer. It's just a fact. Not that I think you need to tell everyone you come across on the street that you're undergoing chemotherapy, but by not being a little more open, it tends to foster gossip.

I'm just trying to let you see that while you don't have to share every gory detail, people want to be helpful and let you know they care. Many people are afraid to call and bother you because they don't want to make you tell the story over and over again, but they do care and are concerned. I have a friend who is battling a bone cancer and she has a website - Caring Bridge that she blogs on every couple of days. It really has helped her communicate what's going on with her family and friends and alleviates the process of having to call or repeat what's going on to every family member or friend who calls.

It's nice also because you control the outlay of information and since it's coming directly from you or your DH, people are less inclined to speculate because they know you're ok and doing fine.

caroleoh has some excellent advice.

When my DH was diagnosed, the doc said don't hide it, talk about it. You'll be surprised by the support that others will offer you. And you'll be surprised by the number of people with personal experience with this.

Like caroleoh wrote, that doesn't mean you tell every random cashier and stranger. But being upfront about it made a world of difference to my DH. And to me. We never felt pitied, we only received love and support from everyone. Some of the nicest gestures from people we hardly know. It was really amazing.

I didn't use Caring Bridge but I did send out a mass email to over 50 people and I know it was forwarded on to countless others. I was able to keep everyone up to date on what was happening and MOST IMPORTANTLY keep the correct info out there. Not rumors. Not misinterpreted facts.

As you've already found out, people have heard about your situation. It will help relieve stress if you feel in control of the dissemination of info.

Obviously, you need to do what is right for you. Like everything else in life, there is a learning curve. Waiting for that first chemo treatment is nerve-wracking. Once you hit your stride and see how it all works I know you'll be in a better place mentally.

I think my nose problem is just allergies.

My dh is starting to get a little nervous again. He got in a horrid mood the other day when the kids would not help in the yard. He kinda went off about everything in the world being wrong. He later said he was sorry for being so crabby. He always apologizes immediatly and will for several days. He is so sweet. He feels bad about kayaking today, which is so pretty, he feels guilty. I told him he needs to go or I will feel guilty. It is his only real stress reliever.

He offered to shave my head for me, which I thought was sweet. My friend said her dh did that and it meant a lot to her. Dh will problably cry.

I went to visit my two friends for any additional advise, neither had ports so they were curious to see it.

This all still seems so unreal. But it is and I will be fine.