I would be inclined to stay at a hotel, especially since you are not close, old friends. Without knowing them or the particulars, it almost sounds like when hotel talk came up they may have felt obligated at that point to extend the invitation to stay with them, especially since it appears they didn't invite you when they first heard you were coming. No one is going to feel uncomfortable in a hotel, but you will feel uncomfortable at their house and that's enough reason. I would also decline use of their car.....can you imagine if you had an accident using their car?....you just don't know them well enough to know how they would react...best not to go there. Staying at a hotel and having your own car gives you complete freedom and control over your vacation. Politely say you don't want to impose on having the whole family stay, but yes, let DD stay when she wants to. Have a great trip!

I am with you as far as staying in a hotel. You mentioned that they checked out the hotel and then suggested that you stay with them. You also mentioned they are wealthy.
I suspect that the hotel will be perfectly fine for you but just not up to their standards.
They probably have a big house with extra bedrooms. Maybe they think that when you do visit them and see all the space, you would wonder why they didn't invite you?

This trip is primarily for your daughter to reconnect with her friend. I know it's tempting to save the hotel costs, but I think you need to bite the bullet on this one.

Be gracious but firm in declining a stay at their house for THIS visit. This can elude to possibly staying with them in the future.

Just to make things confusing, I, on the other hand, would suggest you, as you say "suck it up", if you are the only one who doesn't want to stay there, and if saving money would be desirable.

In an off the beaten path Mexican city, the highest rated hotel might be a little dicey, btw.

I say this even though I totally understand wanting privacy, and my preference would be to have my own space, too. But, if they are affluent, your guest accommodations will most likely be private and include a private bathroom. And they don't want to spend every waking moment with you, either. (except the 2 girls, LOL)

I know unequal economics can make some people uncomfortable, but you didn't choose to be a teacher for the big bucks. You should be proud that you chose what truly is a noble profession. I am sure they will so enjoy hosting you and sharing what they have. If we could only befriend those who have the same net worth, how boring that would be!

You are going to have a fabulous trip with locals in a beautiful country. Enjoy! When you get back, a nice letter and some sort of personal gift or memento (thoughtful not costly) is all you need to do feel you've reciprocated.

Sorry, once again have a different view about the car. Before we bought out beachhouse, we had a lakehouse that we often lent to friends, with a jeep and a boat. When you lend things like that to people, you accept the risk ... and that's why you have insurance. We lent our property to friends, relatives, friends of friends, and to, on several occasions, total strangers who bid on a stay there at charity auctions.

There is not right or wrong, but i thought it'd be helpful to hear from the host's side.

How many days are you staying? Can you spend half the time in the hotel and the other half with them? Maybe start off at the hotel, and then stay with them for the last days?

If they are wealthy, it's possible in Mexico that they have a palatial place, that would allow you plenty of privacy. And hopefully they understand you are vacationing and will not be expecting to spend all the time you are there with them. I might be inclined to accept their offer with the caveat that you appreciate their offer and it would make if very nice for you to stay there, at least for the first part of your visit and get your bearings, but you don't want to impose, so you will expect to move to a hotel for the 2nd half of your trip.

If you arrive and find you love staying with them, or check out the hotel yourselves and find it less than desirable, it will likely be pretty easy to extend your stay with them. They sound very gracious and it probably would not be a big deal to them, esp. if they have lots of room for guests. They may even have a guest apt.

Since they are on the ground in the city you are planning to visit, they may have more insight about the hotel than you can glean from the internet. Including, since this is Mexico, whether there are extra risks due to crime and drug gangs, etc.

I would accept their invitation for the first few days, and leave yourself the option of a pre-announced shift to the hotel afterward As the poster above noted if it turns out that all is very comfortable at their house, and they continue to press you to stay with them you could change your mind and just stay put.

Lending a car is a nice, very Latin, touch but driving in some parts of Mexico is risky.

Although when I was in my twenties (mid 1970s) I bicycled, solo, through Mexico from Texas to Guatemala, I would even hesitate to drive that route now. I speak fluent Spanish and grew up in Latin America, so it's not a cultural issue. It's the lawlessness in Mexico fueled by US-demand for illegal drugs that would make me avoid it.

Mexico is a beautiful, friendly, fantastic place that is temporarily (hopefully) also very dangerous in some areas and in some circumstances that might not be obvious to foreigners. Your hosts will know the score, though.

Araguato

I'm undecided on where you should stay, but have a suggestion for your daughter. They should get permission for your daughter to attend a day (or more if the girls want) of school with her friend. Always interesting to observe a different school and you daughter can give a small presentation about her city/state. If they are in a good/private school they probably teach English and the other kids will probably know basic English. The friend could always translate the presentation and share in the project. Most of the schools I and my kids have attended have always allowed a guest friend with enough notice.

{{!gwi}}

This post was edited by chispa on Sat, Feb 8, 14 at 17:16

I think accepting their gracious offer is the ' right thing to do', for DD~ staying with a friend, at her home, will be the best thing about the trip, for her. Since she's the reason you're going to Mexico to begin with, give *her* a lifelong memory, and remove your own emotions from the situation. She will appreciate you putting your own feelings aside when she looks back on the trip. ;)

chispa, that is a great idea. She would probably like that too. She'd also get insight into how difficult it was for her friend to come to her school and converse in another language.

They actually did invite us to stay with them right from the get go, but have also been gracious in saying that they totally understand us wanting to have our own space. I can not express what nice people they are. Last year we got to spend some time with them in Florida and we got along so well. However, I think I have to listen to that little voice in my head telling me to keep the hotel. We may play the car thing by ear when we get there. We weren't planning on renting a car, but rather getting tour guides to drive us to the places we want to visit.

Reading all the thoughtful responses helped me to see what I really feel comfortable with. I can totally understand the arguments to stay with them, but each time I think of it, I get a bit of a knot in my stomach. REading Joanie's response made me feel calm. If the hotel really isn't working, we always have the option of staying with them. I think it is most likely, as others have noted, the difference in expectations of a hotel. I backpacked across Mexico and parts of Central America in my 20's and have (what I think are) realistic expectations of the hotel. Thanks everyone for helping me to clarify my thinking. I actually just spoke to DD about it and she'd rather stay in the hotel, too.

Glad you came to a decision. Keep us posted on how it all works out.

Funny, but I was just assuming DD would want to stay with her friend, but when I asked her she said that the whole point/fun of a vacation was staying in a hotel.

patty-cakes, altho my DD having a friend there is the reason we are going to this particular city, our trip is a family vacation. Due to financial reasons and non-coinciding holidays, this is our first whole family vacation in at least 6 years. I want her to be happy, but it is important all of us enjoy the trip and I think we've reached an agreement we can all live with.

I am really starting to get excited now and will be happy to report back. I stopped briefly in this city when I was young and loved it (which was unusual for me as I am a beach loving girl and this is not a beach location). It has a reputation as the safest city in Mexico. Hopefully, we won't have any problems.

Here's a true story. My parents, along with DH and myself, drove to Monterrey, then down to Mexico City for a week.

My dad knew a couple in Monterrey but the rest of us didn't. We stayed in a hotel, but the last night in M., my parents stayed with the couple. DH and I visited for a dinner at their house (all granite flooring, homemade tortillas..wow!) and they were *the* nicest couple ever.

Remember, my mom was a stranger to them. The 4 of us went on to Mexico City, drove back through Monterrey on the way home, then the couple got in their car and followed us home to Oklahoma. Best friends for life!

He was a professor and lived in a very nice house, and for Mexico I'd say he was wealthy.

Unfortunately the whole area is dangerous now, and I would let them or a driver drive you. That's what we did. We hired a driver while we were there.

I'm glad you don't have to worry about it anymore, and everyone is happy. We want to hear all about it; lucky you having locals to tap into!

Late to the party, but just wanted to suggest finding out if you can bring them anything from the US that they are missing and can't get where they live. Sometimes when you live in another country or even area there are things you miss and just can't get.

Have a great trip and be careful! It's been several years since we were in Mexico and we rented a car there and drove around and also ended up bribing a policeman. Actually was very pleasantly surprised about all the courteous drivers - especially the 18 wheelers - but I think we found out it was some law that contributed to them moving over.

I'm sure you will have a lovely trip.

Please be careful in Mexico. We have relatives in Mexico and for the past five/ten years or so they have strenuously objected to our visiting them due to fears about increased crime. Of course it is worse in some places than in others. I'm sure you know this from your time spent in the area, but it seems that many people there very much enjoy hosting -- you probably would make that family very happy if you decide to take them up on their offer.