Sounds like you are pleased with your decision. Do you mean you are going to quit working from home ? You say "take off a quarter" which sounds like school work. If you are working on a degree then I am sure you will feel so much more refreshed when you get back at it and can enjoy the time with those sweet girls !! c

Trail, I am so pleased! A little nervous, but very happy!

I work from home, but I teach. :)

Thank you for your words!

Tell us more, Anele!

Good for you, anele. It seems to me you work incredibly hard with a new baby and your other children too plus teaching plus working in the evening (not to mention taking care of the house).

Stop the madness !!! Well done, Anele.

hmm..I think the teaching is from home ! I finally pieced it together. That is the hardest working little gal !! You need to rest Anele :) Good for you ! c

Good for you! I'm glad that you feel like you're going to be free, that says a lot! Enjoy your young family and especially that new baby!

In my humble opinion, being a parent is a full-time job, & the toughest & most important job on the planet! If you have the opportunity to dedicate yourself fully to that for a while...awesome!

Anele, I don't have kids or a job, but running our household- cleaning, organizing, laundering, cooking, grocery shopping, bill-paying, scheduling & supervising handymen & service providers, making phone calls, sending e-mails, doing yardwork, caring for an aging cat (!) makes me feel nothing less than completely exhausted some days!

My hat is off to you!

Thank you, everyone! And yes, Trailrunner-- exactly-- I work from home teaching online.

It is definitely a step in the right direction. My DH was really helpful for the first 2 weeks after the baby was born. Then he went back to work, and stopped helping. He is actually doing less than he did when I was pregnant, which is not that much to begin with at home. I have new jobs now!

It has always been this way . . .no surprises. Before we were married, we were engaged but living together. I was working full-time and going to school. I had tons of work to do for work and school at night and on the weekends, but he did not help. Thought he'd change once we had a baby (ha, ha, dumb of me). Thought he'd change once we had a baby and I started working (took the baby with me) AND was going to school. Thought he'd help when he was unemployed for 8 months, and I was still working (with the baby) and going to school. Thought maybe when we had more kids . . .nope.

When I took this job 2 years ago, I was 8 months pregnant with DD #4. I thought he would help more, esp. when I actually had the baby-- why? Why did I think that? Obviously I am not a quick study! I'd worked before (from home also, with a baby under a yr) and he did not want to help at all. So, nope, he was just resentful when he had to hold the baby and take over earlier with the other kids so I could do work.

This morning, when I woke to find that the dishes weren't finished and there was a big mess to clean up (I did work last night, and then took the baby), it made me more sure of my choice. I cannot even hope he'll change, so I just have to change myself.

I admit, however, I am having a hard time not being very resentful. I am hoping that having more time to myself will help.

And BTW-- we already went to counseling. When the topic of helping more came up, my DH said he did not want to have to jump right in when he came home from work. (We had a newborn.) Guess what the counselor suggested? That DH get a BREAK when he got home. I could not believe it-- I said, Where is my break? DH got a lunch break . . .a commute . . .I had the kids ALL THE TIME. The day before I went into labor, I had finished presenting my porfolio for my master's. I was not slacking. I made DH admit what I was doing when he "took over." I was doing things like dishes and making dinner. Never was it so that I could have a break!

Oh, well. I am finally learning. A long time ago we had decided that I would go back to work full-time once the kids were in school full-time. Seems so reasonable, but now I know I will be doing everything for work AND the house, kids, etc. No way.

Good thing I love my kids so much. They inspire me every day.

I'm glad you're taking some control of your home life. So many people think if you stay at home all day you are doing nothing - relaxing and enjoying yourself. You have 4 or is it 5 little ones? I believe that in itself is more than a full time job because it doesn't end at 5PM.

Is it possible for you to hire some help with the cleaning? When I worked full time I had a cleaning lady every week and that kept me sane.

I have found with my DH that I need to specifically ask him to do things. If he's not willing, then I'd hire someone to do it. Even if it's something as simple as having a few hours a day Mother's helper come in and help with the kids so you can do the cleaning you need or errands that need done.

Well, he knows you'll see to it that it all gets done, so he lets you have it...all! I don't blame you for feeling angry & resentful. You were hoping for more of a partnership on the homefront.

I know I am generalizing, but I think that men often feel they are "Doing their Part" by earning a living, working hard, getting out there in the rat race. I would agree, that is huge, & a difficult often demoralizing task. Men don't have it easy. I realize they feel so much pressure on their shoulders.

Still, you, as a mom of young children, & many women, don't have it easy either! "Women's work" has been under-valued & overlooked & taken for granted forever! Running a home & caring for children, as I said earlier, are fundamental to a well-functioning life...even a well functioning society. Your contributions are huge too!

You are wise to realize that he probably won't be "talked into" seeing things from your angle. In fact, he's probably pushing the envelope to see how much he can get away with & that's not saying or implying that your DH is not a great guy...but he's a guy (Sorry people, flame me for being sexist!) I just DO think there are very real gender differences. (Sure there are exceptions & some men have even had "sensitivity training" that put them in touch w/their "feminine side!")

Focus on making a schedule & routine that feels comfortable for you. Don't break your neck! Don't push yourself trying, trying, trying to show him how much you do everyday. If supper is a sandwich tonight, supper is a sandwich. If you didn't get the bathroom crystal clean this week, so be it. You decide & set the priorities when it comes to how your time & energy are spent. Don't jump through hoops, girl. He will sense your willingness to try harder & relax even more!

Remember, this isn't just about a man...this is your life & it's too precious to waste. Do what is convenient for you, & don't explain yourself. You don't need to ask his permission to live on your own terms & honor your wishes. Just honor them! Be your own guide. If he doesn't change, you will still be happier, & living life with less resentment, but chances are, he'll take a step back & think.

Carol I have 5. If I could have paid help, it would make a huge difference. Even just a few hours a day would help, but I do not make a lot per hour, so the money I make would go right to the help!

I have asked DH specifically-- he'll say yes and sometimes he'll do it, sometimes he won't. I've tried doing lists, coming up with a plan together, etc. Nothing seems to help.

stinky, yes, I agree that the main wage earner has a lot of responsibility. This is what annoys me, though-- he is a hard worker and his current place loves him (TG). BUT, for years, he's had opportunities for having work pay for courses, and he has not taken advantage of this. He could be further ahead if he invested in himself. Instead, I am the one who worked on my advanced degree. I am the one who found a 2nd job-- if he's going to work, then he should commit to it, you know?

And yeah, definitely pushing the envelope. Part of it is that I want things tidy (as in, not a disaster) and he does NOT see when things are messy. I am not being picky . . .not talking about dusting, but throwing garbage away! We have such a small house with so many people that even a small mess = a big inconvenience.

I completely agree with you re: life. It really is too short. I think this will actually HELP my relationship with DH on many levels . . .we will both be less stressed out and have time for each other.

My boss told me yesterday that they were going to keep calling me to come back. :) She also said they were going to have some full-time openings . . .maybe thinking I could then hire help? Anyway, it is a good time to leave since I am taking a break when things are going well vs. letting things slip because I am so overwhelmed.

Oh, and other really, really nice news. My neighbor offered to take my older kids to/from school. This is going to be life-changing. I am still in shock of how nice this is . . .trying to think of a way to make it up to her.

THANK YOU for your continued support.

(And Trailrunner, I owe you an e-mail!)