I just can't even imagine anele.

Sometimes I think DH and I are crazy. Aside from a half hour here or there to run to the store we have never left our son with anyone. We have someone that comes in and helps DH a few hours a day and she does watch him for those half hour times.

Once we wanted to go to a movie (well, DH did :) ) So we drove 2 hours to my parents, dropped him off, drove 45 minutes to the nearest theatre that had the movie, had dinner and a movie and drove back to my parents.

Things would be a lot easier for us money wise if we were both working but we just can't bring ourselves to leave him with someone. I know we are very lucky to be able to do that, and that not everyone can, and that if I was to lose the job I have we would have a tough time of making it work on one salary.

I try to count my blessings every day.

I won't touch the God subject since I think that can become a hot topic quickly.

When I can't wrap my brain around why something happened, I like thinking of "The Five People You Meet in Heaven." I don't think God intentionally intends to inflict pain but it is really hard to understand why certain things happen. I think (hope) that the events that cause our pain help, influence or affect others in ways that we will never know about.

I am moved beyond words. Boo, you are not crazy. Anele, hugs to you. Hold that baby tight.

boop, I stopped working when DS was born, but, we planned it that way. I left a really good job, and being a mom at home was tough for me, but, there was NO WAY if we could help it, that we'd leave our little baby with a virtual stranger.

I feel so much for the parents of the child. The agony they must be going through. Just awful!

boo and ollie'smom, before we were married, I told DH that one of us had to stay home with the children we planned to have someday, or the wedding was off. We put off buying a house until I went to work (when they'd be in school full-time). Four kids later, I am now a WAHM, my oldest is homeschooled, and we have had a babysitter only once at our home. (A docile college girl who was almost done with her teaching degree.) I joined the YMCA this year with the intention of working out and leaving the baby in the daycare there. I did once, and she cried. I tried again and she cried, so I had her back after a few minutes. Then, I noticed that they were inattentive to the children in the room, so I decided that my infant (she's 14 months) would not be staying there again, though I do let my 3 y.o. stay if she wants while her sister is in swimming.

DH and I rarely go out, and if we do, we drive an hour to my mom's so she can care for the kids. We do this maybe 2 times a year. My point is, I understand.

The mother, in this case, shared our fears. She had her in only 2 days, and got permission to take her to work after that. Even though I avoid leaving my child in the care of someone I don't know well, this does happen with parents themselves. Mothers do it, too, though it is mostly men (not always fathers). Ultimately, for me, this isn't a debate about daycare or being a SAHP. It's about how profoundly horrible it is that a child was destroyed in someone's moment of rage.

deee, is that a book? If it is, will it make me feel better? I have tried to think of ways that this news will make me a better person. I happen to teach child development courses, so I brought this news to the attention of my students, along with highlighting resources about SBS that they can use as professionals as well as in helping make parents more aware. (Care teachers account for 17% of the reported incidents.) I also gave them all a hotline in case they ever feel like they are about to "lose it."

gold, yes, I know. There is something just so moving in this. It has hit me hard.

It is incomprehensible to me.

My son was the same age as Adam Walsh when he was murdered. We even had a picture of my son in a baseball outfit holding a bat like Adam.

My daughter was the same age as Lisa Steinberg when her parents killed her. I remember seeing the picture of her sitting in her classroom holding a little handful of candy corn and her eyes looked so pained, I couldn't understand how her teacher couldn't tell she was being abused.

I will never forget those two incidents. I think that sometimes when something like this happens to a child the same age as your own, you have a greater sense of the innocence and fraility of that child, and are more affected. You are also in the same place of parenting as the parent who lost their child, and so can completely empathize, but still feel vulnerable to the same kind of loss.

I still tear up when I think of Lisa and Adam, and those incidents were 24 and 30 years ago.

As to why people do those things, that's way above my pay grade.

Dee

I can't stop thinking about a different one. . . has anyone been following the story of missing mom Amy Henslee? She was missing since Monday morning. Her body was found last night; her husband's cousin killed her. Although I don't know the family, this one really gets to me because she has two sons close in age to the age of my son. I can't stop thinking about those two boys and what a horrible way this is for them to lose their mother. Along with Amy, the cousin shot someone else's mother to death. So several children are forever motherless and a husband is heartbroken because of this total scumbag. The whole thing is beyond sad.

Inconceivably heartbreaking. I just cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of depravity that would cause someone to willfully take a life, especially that of an innocent little one.

Gardeningmusician, I am so saddened to learn of Amy Henslee's fate. I heard about her being missing the other day, but had no idea that she'd been found murdered.

Stories like these truly make you want to just latch on to your loved ones and never, ever let them go.

anele - Here is the a link to the Amazon reviews to the book I mentioned.

It's not the greatest writing in the world but I truly believe in the theme that people's lives are intertwined in ways we can't even begin to imagine.

Here is a link that might be useful: Five People You Meet in Heaven

This is just a sickening tragedy. Our friends' daughter was a victim of shaken baby syndrome last year. My friend was getting ready to take her out of daycare to be a SAHM and then this happened. She had just learned to talk and was starting to walk. Now she is unable to do either, is blind and has other major disabilities as a result of permanent brain damage. She will never be able to take care of herself. It is angering and absolutely heartbreaking. The woman who did this is awaiting trial but it keeps getting postponed for one reason or another.

No family should ever, ever have to be subjected to this kind of grief.

anele - we made the same decision before we were married. I've never left our twins with anyone except my brother & SIL or my parents. As they get older, I'll have to reevaluate but for now, I am content with our decision.

What agony for those poor parents. Heartbreaking. For many reasons I wont go into here, I have and will always have, my own career outside the home. That being said, I have always been so paranoid about who we let care for our children during the day. I have always felt better about child care centers that are run like schools , especially for young kids who are not old enough to tell you about their day (as opposed to a nanny or private sitter) - multiple classrooms within one building and at very least two trained teachers per room. That way there are always many eyes watching and no chance really that some nut will lose her temper. Plus if a teacher needs a break there is always backup on site so she can get it.

dee, I saw the movie about Adam when I was young. It really horrified me-- still to this day. I remember reading about little Lisa as well.

I think you are completely right that it has a lot to do with the fact that my DD is this little girl's age. While I am not anxious about what happened (I'm not worried it will happen to her) I feel so much sadness. Thanks so much for the book recommendation. I am definitely reading it.

garden, I didn't know about that case-- wow. So sad. Those poor little boys, missing their mama.

auntjen, no, we cannot understand what would make a person do such a thing. I think part of it that is difficult is that she was there only 2 days and the 2nd day was to be her last-- her mom was taking her out. "If only . . ." is a game we can play over and over again but the ending will be the same horrible one. Why do I keep playing it?

binsd, that us just terrible about what happened to your friend's daughter. Another case of, "If only . . ."

jenny, I can see your point about centers. Either scenario (center or home) can have wonderful people . . .there are some people you just KNOW are great with kids. The ones who respect them so much and aren't being that "fake nice" to kiss up to the adults . . .those are the ones I trust.

I was in the Marine Corps w/ a woman whose infant daughter was killed by the day care provider. It was horrible. As if that weren't bad enough it was the 2nd baby that died (was killed) in her care. The death of the 2nd child was exactly 1 year to the day following the death of the first child which was also the 2nd anniversary of the death of the PROVIDERS OWN child! And the state actually let her have a license!

I do believe that God has a plan for everything I just wish I knew what the plan was/ is in certain situations when something so tragic happens but I believe and have faith anyways.

DS1 was in daycare when he was born but I was fortunate in that it was a daycare across the parking lot from where I worked and my job afforded me the opportunity to leave my desk and go over whenever I chose.

When DH wanted to participate in the daycare situation more he found a daycare across the field from where he worked.

When the Dr. I worked for opened up about his son's suicide it coincided w/ my MIL retiring. Over the years of working w/ his elderly patients 2 recurring themes came up: The biggest regret that that any of them had was not spending enough time w/ their children when they were young. The 2nd was how quickly time goes by and to seize the moment.

I radically re-arranged my schedule after that.

Boop - I'm the same way. Our children have only been in 1 other persons care - our dear friends who have children the same age.

I count my blessings each day and I hate the fact that there are sooooooo many parents that want to be able to do the same thing but simply can't do to their individual situations.

ttodd, it is incredible that the woman was somehow allowed to kill at least two children. Did she kill her own child, or do you think she killed the other children on the anniversary out of some rage at having lost her own child? Please tell me she is in jail!

I wish I could believe as you do, that somehow God has a plan. I have always been taught that we have free will, so if we do, then I don't see how it can be both ways (we have free will yet it fits into a plan). I wish I could believe SOMETHING positive, because right now, I am sort of lost. How can a family who poured so much love into a child lose her in just the 2nd day (which was to be her last) of daycare? How could timing and choices lead to such tragedy?

Still trying to move past this but have not been successful.

I'm not sure what the outcome was. When I joined my unit the case was going to trial. A few months thereafter she stopped showing up to drill. It was a crazy story - the deaths of the providers own child and then of the next child in her care were seemingly chalked up to as 'accidental deaths' and then it wasn't until the death of this other womans child that questions started to be asked and dates were noticed etc...

I want to say that it happened in York or Harrisburg PA - I forget where she drove from to drill and it was in the early 90's.