thanks zep, I had the setting to dbl click too fast, slowed it down, back to normal

I use OE on my desktop and Windows Mail on my laptop and often get that message, I got it last night on my desktop. Unless I made a change in something related to OE, I just ignore it for awhile. It is usually a server problem.

WOW.... I know what brought me to this page. Anger at someone who died in my life. But never did I expect to read about so much passion and love. I started crying for you. But I also heard GUILT. Sweetie, that guilt is going to eat you up. Yet I can understand. We always look back and want to rearrange the past. Normally, it's when we still have time to do so but just don't do it. But it's when there's a finality to it, when there IS no going back that we hurt so much and get so angry at ourselves. I know there's nothing I can say to make it make sense. I can only say "I understand" and I feel your pain. You feel that if you'd done this or that, things would be different. That you could have been there for him. But on the other hand, had Matt done things differently, things would have also turned out differently as far as you being there, in his life. I'm not saying it's his fault any more that it's your fault. It's no ones 'fault.' I just hear you saying you wish you'd taken different steps so that maybe you could have been there with him. And I understand. Just keep in mind that it wasn't all 'your job." It wasn't all up to you to mend things before this happened. Had he taken different steps, you may or may not have been there, in his life. Just saying, it's not all on YOUR shoulders, honey. Really....it's not. You both had things (emotions, fears, whatever...) keeping you from reaching out to one another. But then life stepped in and screwed it all up before either of you had a chance to do what was in your hearts. There's nothing I can say to make that make sense. That's the randomness of life, however unfair it may be. And you're so young, sweetie. I am 53. Been thru lots of heartache from love. But I remember at your age, love was so strong and pure and I could not imagine ever loving anyone else. My future was mapped out for me with THAT person and that person ONLY. There would never be anyone else like US. So, oh how much you must hurt from this. As much as people tell you about "time healing all wounds" (and it IS true) there is no possible way you can believe that now. All you know is life dealt you a raw deal and on top of that, you feel guilty because YOU WEREN'T there with him. I guess all I can say to that is - once again, I understand. But don't beat yourself up for not being there WHEN this happened. Death is random. You two could have been happy as two peas in a pod and this still could have happened - him at home and you at the grocery store. I think what you're feeling is the disconnection from him when this happened. You're sad because you feel like he died without you two 'mending' whatever was going on. You were separated. It's unfinished business. You feel empty and helpless. And you're going thru all the "what if's??" That part is natural. It WILL take time to get past those feelings. My personal experience with losing someone was in May. Yet I'm still dealing with a myriad of emotions on a daily basis -- lots of them being "what if". What if I'd have checked on him earlier? How was he feeling, all alone, dying alone? I wish there was something comforting to say to you, but I know at this point, you just need to share how you feel. The last thing you need is someone telling you how you 'should' feel or what you 'need' to do. So just know, if you need to really open up, you can email me. Go to MY PAGE and there's an "email me" link. Please feel free to write me, hon. You do need to talk about it.

You're OK. The only reason you see them is because it's your account. Nobody else can see the private ones. I know it's alarming when you check and think everything is out there.