LOL. I'm with you. And we haven't even started out build yet. Does your family take turns hosting family occasions, so that you're going to have to do this like it or not? If so, I'm sorry. But can you at least tell everybody that you're just exhausted, it's going to take time to really settle in and get things organized enough to host a party? Tell 'em you're taking 1 year from the date you move in to just be at home and settle in. And say, of course, each individual family is welcomed to come over during that time and tour through, but you're not ready to host anything. Unless you can lock the door and bar them completely.

My family will understand that. And we don't take turns hosting anyway; we're usually at my parents' house. I plan to invite small groups over for a quick tour and then drive around the "new area" and stop for ice cream/coffee, whatever, at a cafe/soda shoppe, etc. I'd rather spring for that than pull together a soiree at my new house. And clean up after.

That is the thing. We don't rotate get togethers. Last year we had Christmas dinner over here at our current house. About 21 people all together. It was more than I liked but went with the flow. Now we have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up and I don't plan on hostin either one. We may take a trip for Christmas. They are just planning on us having a big party even before the holidays.

As another gripe, I am one who likes to pack and move things myself. On one move, my parents insisted on helping us pack and move. It was a total cluster because my father was just tossing stuff in boxes and we had no idea where anything was. I just want to move and be left alone for awhile.

How 'bout you host an Open House, not connected with any holiday or family event. Buffet. From X to X as far as time. (Have somewhere you have to GO after that time so you move eveybody OUT.) This way everybody gets to see the new digs and you won't have people ringing the doorbell over the coming months, hoping for a peak. Get it OVER WITH on your time and terms.

Ok, I retract anything I said. I'm with chisue. You take the bull by the horns and host an Open House as painlessly as you can. Because if you can't even tell your own parents that you'd rather pack your own things to move, then this is NOT the time to rock the boat and start objecting to whatever they want. The limits you can set with them now is to say, Yes, we want to have a party but it's our treat for you all. We'll do ALL the planning. Then try to hold that line. That way they won't be all over you "helping" and blowing it up into something bigger than you want.

I can't even imagine allowing my family to be so over my boundaries that "they" are planning for ME to throw a party.
You've got a lifetime of stuff to straighten out. This is an opportunity to start; not to go into revolt.

My parents helped us move the move before last. The move into the house we are in now, we moved the personal stuff and the movers moved the big stuff. It went pretty smooth. I will NOT be hosting a buffet party. I don't think we will be having any party. People can come over in due time and have a quick look and visit. That way it won't be a big cluster and we can pick the time they can come.

We did not have a party but I did do Thanksgiving and Christmas that year - but it was hardly 21 people. A dozen tops.

I was exhausted after our build and pretty much shut down for 6mths. It was three months before I hung up pictures. I did unpack kitchen things the first few weeks. I decided getting some rest was better for me. It's been 2yrs ago today that we moved and I'm still not finished decorating.

imo, it should be YOUR decision who helps or doesn't help you pack and whether or not you have an open house, a buffett or host a holiday this year.

Sorry, I misunderstood you. I thought they were pushing you around, when they're just expressing their own wishes. They're already planning for you to have a party before the holidays, and MIL wants to have her birthday party there. But none of that is going to happen because you don't want it to.

So, you'll simply tell everyone 'no' and then invite them to come in small groups to tour. Problem solved. You're not some kind of monster because you're not as sociable or don't enjoy entertaining at your own home all that much. I certainly understand your desire to be at home and at your leisure. I'm sure your family will too. Those who press need a clear but courteous expression of your wishes. I'm sure they will understand.

I really feel your pain. We should be moving in in late October but, no rest for the weary, our daughter is getting married in December and we are expecting hoards of friends and relatives to visit the new house. EVERYONE wants to visit. Let me just say, this has been a very stressful time. The build, the wedding (she lives out of state so I am doing much of the planning), my dad is ill and I need to travel 3000 miles to help mom... Sort of puts things in perspective though...

We are SO the opposite! We're having Christmas for my family this year and I'm thrilled! I come from a very large family, so it'll be about 30 people and most of those will be staying with us for the weekend as well. BUT we don't get to see them often enough (twice or maybe 3 or 4 times a year if we're lucky) and I really do WANT to have them! We all get along really well, so it'll be a blast. I hope it works out for you the way that YOU want it to!

I'm with Hoosiergirl...We are clearly not going to make our Nov 1st move in date, but we have the menu planned for Thanksgiving! There are already 10 of us to start with, so we'll have about 25 for dinner. We've spent the last 20 months in a 900 sq ft mobile home with no room to welcome guests and with *stuff* piled up to my ears, it seems. I can't wait to spread out and cook, and welcome the masses. If boxes are still packed, we'll shove them away and make sure they aren't obvious and reminding us of the work left to do. Cooking and visiting will be a great break from the months of housebuilding work.

However, this is something we want to do, it's not forced on us or 'expected.' I might feel differently about doing it under those circumstances. I would also be taken aback by someone informing me that THEIR birthday party would be in our new house! That's over the line.

We are finally moving in Oct 19-21. I am hosting Thanksgiving, but just our immediate family. I lost my only sibling this year unexpectedly, and I know the last thing my mom wants to do is host Thanksgiving, as it's the first major holiday since his passing. So, although we won't be completely settled in yet, I feel compelled to host this holiday in the new house. We're planning a big party next spring. My hubby and I do really enjoy throwing big parties, but we want time to settle in before having a big group over. We have close friends who are very intested in seeing the house, whom we'll have over for mini dinner parties before the big "we're finally moved in" party. I think you just need to move at the pace that is most comfortable for you individually and begin hosting in your new home when you feel like it.

i always imagined hosting this big open house but now i'm not so sure. i'm afraid it might appear we were "showing off" somehow. i'd like to do holiday celebrations again but not anything associated with just the build.

spicyshotglass.
I understand what you are saying. Even before we started our build DH volunteered our new house for the holidays this year! Fortunately, our build is taking longer than we had thought it would - we should be done by the end of October - and there is no way I will agree to have a holiday meal this year since we'll still be sorting out our stuff. (I'm planning to take about 6 months to go through everything before we move completely.)

DH and I have agreed to have an open house sometime after we've finished - maybe two since I'd like to have one for the contractor and his subs then another for friends and family. I am considering having the first very soon after we finish - before we move the rugs and most of the furniture in. The one for family and friends might be in January on DH's birthday.

I am frankly intimidated by the thought of a party or entertaining. I never did much of that and haven't done it at all for nearly 20 years, so that is my biggest hurdle. But I figure if I can host an open house for the people who built the house, it will get me in the mood to host a party for people I am closer to.

I guess I'm the odd duck on this issue because I can't wait to get into my new house to have people over. That's because I can't really have people over to my present home because it's too small and we just don't have the seating for a lot of people. We hoping to be ready to move in next fall and I'm hoping we can have people over for Christmas. I've never been able to do that and am so looking forward to it. It will be nice to let people know we are very sociable. LOL

I guess after I have had several acquaintances ask when we are going to have an open house, I am beginning to just want to move in and become anti-social. These are people I have been on committees with, but never even went out to lunch with. I know that we will have family holiday celebrations, but am thinking of just having friends over slowly. I totally understand the feeling on wanting to just get moved in, relax and take my time getting things the way we want.

Originally I thought we would throw a bash after we move in to thank the new neighbors for putting up with construction and being so hospitable and kind to us through the process, and to thank our friends for supporting us through this long process. As we become more exhausted, I'm thinking no. My DH is the extremely social, invite a crowd at the last minute type, and even he says not now. This from a man who invited 40 people over for an impromptu labor day cookout several years ago when our youngest was 6 DAYS old! So I am accustomed to rolling with the punches and will adopt a wait and see attitude about the move in party.

To take some pressure off, we threw two big crab feasts last weekend, and hosted about 70 people and had a great time. We thanked everyone for their support, and that's that! Pressure off!

Amy

I am 50/50 on this. A part of me wants to have a open house type party but the other half does not. Everyone wants to see this house. I wouldn't mind doing Christmas (if we are even in the place then! LOL!) but I am not so sure about hosting a huge party with friends and family I have not seen in years. Some I know want to come just to be noisy. They want to see how much "we spent on the house". That turns my stomach. So, when I say I am thinking of not having a party my brother in law says we HAVE to because Aunt so and so wants to see the house bad! Well I have not seen or heard from aunt so and so in years! My thinking is if they would like to come out and look at the house, I am so ok with that but I do not think I need to go out and spend a ton of money on a party. I would rather buy new area rugs, furniture etc!

But that is just where I am at today. Who know how I will be when the house is done!

I'm just full of ideas today! How about this:

You pretend to list your house and let the "Realtor" show everybody through? Be sure to "list" at some ridiculous price -- to really knock their socks off! This can occur while you and DH are on a cruise. Then, you come home and 'change your mind' about selling.

This would give everybody something to talk about for years and you'd probably be off the hook forever.LOL

Well, it took us over 3 years to build. And, like an idiot I thought we would be in over 2 Christmas' ago so I'm jazzed that I can finally host people here. I want to do it and do it often too.

Personally I don't think people asking about a party equates to asking a rude "how much $$$ do you make to afford a home like this?". But, you've made it plain that you're not comfortable hosting a large group and that's ok. So, just tell well-wishers that you've decided to have small groups- as timing works for your family- so you can enjoy your friends and welcome them into your new home.

No big deal....

I didn't have a party or an open house. Close family and friends saw the house through natural interaction, but the rest felt a bit like lurkers to me. People who really were just curious and I was too tired to help them out with that.

we have been staying in an old, crappy single-wide mobile home while we are building for the last few years....and will for the next 18 months. We have been unable to entertain at all because of the small size of the mobile home. We can't host holiday dinners. I am embarrassed to invite anyone over because the trailer is just so old. So when the day comes that the trailer gets pulled out and we get to finally move in, the whole world can come and see my new house! We are owner/builders and I am very proud of what we are accomplishing. I will be excited to finally get to host holiday meals again. I won't be too thrilled 6 months later if people are still stopping by unannounced just to "take a peek", but I know for at least a little while, I'll welcome just about anyone.