New Investing Terminology

17 years ago

I got this in an email and thought it might be worth sharing....

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

Bull Market -- A random market movement causing an investor

to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no

allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the

husband gets no sex.

Value Investing -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E Ratio -- The percentage of investors wetting their

pants as the market keeps crashing.

Broker -- What my broker has made me.

Standard & Poor -- Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock Split -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your

assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

Market Correction -- The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow -- The movement your money makes ! as it

disappears down the toilet.

Yahoo! -- What you yell after selling it to some poor

sucker for $240 per share.

Windows 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker

who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

Institutional Investor -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a

nuthouse.

Profit -- an archaic word no longer in use.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

compumom
17 years ago
No kidding...

Did anyone see Jay Leno last night? He did a scathing bit on the CEO's of Evil. He especially went after Fuld of Lehman Bros. It was hilarious, but there was no hiding how Leno felt about their incompetence and greed.
seagrass_gw Cape Cod
17 years ago
The terminology is clever! I missed the Leno show. I'm actually trying to stay away from the media for awhile. I've been having bad dreams about everything going on - as bad as the dreams that came on after 9/11. Maybe being alone for the past several weeks is doing me in but I've resolved this weekend to keep my eyes and ears shut to "news". I'll play music to keep me company and read a bunch of fiction.

seagrass
Related Discussions
New Age ? Terminology ?
Q
Comments (6)
Was the spiral once elevated in the middle, descending gradually? If so, then the idea might have been for horticultural practicality of creating many microenvironments (highly drained & very sunny at the top, increasingly damp as you travel down the helix, sunny on the south, shaded on the north by the structure itself and by the other plants. In this case it has been called an "herb spiral"...I don't think I would care for the maintenance of an elevated spiral, what with gravity acting on it. Clever, though.
...See More
should i invest in new kitchen counters before listing?
Q
Comments (18)
most high end homes around here have granite or soapstone. my cabs are pretty nice hardwood, from a resale shop too, so they were a great price. i'm partial to laminate and soapstone myself, no granite for me. so, we'll probably run some decent laminate all the way around to 'finish' it off. because we have a vulcan range some of the counters will be extra deep, which i can most easily afford in laminate anyway. and if we sell we'll include the architect's plans for the new kitchen. that's gonna have to do for now.
...See More
New House (investment for sale) - what are the on trend paint colors?
Q
Comments (2)
Sounds like you have the updated space, so I'm sure most of the colors you mentioned will look fine. Revere Pewter is everywhere, but it looks too tan to me (in my house). I would grab some of the popular colors and bring samples to your space.. It all comes down to your space, lighting, and surrounding pieces. I did BM's Moonshine and love it!
...See More
50yo - new to investing - USAA fund advice?
Q
Comments (1)
Compare these to Vanguard funds and check the expenses. USAA seems a bit high.
...See More
sally2_gw
17 years ago
Okay, I'll send that one around! LOL

Sally
shaun
17 years ago
Seagrass, I'm with you...I'm over it all.
dedtired
17 years ago
I love the Standard & Poor definition. How true. My statements came yesterday. Goodbye money. Goodbye retirement.

Did anyone happen to see George Soros on Bill Moyer's Journal? What a savvy man, but what a frightening picture of our future.
lowspark
17 years ago
I'm with seagrass, although this WAS funny! It just seems like this is the only topic of conversation anymore. Where are Paris Hilton & Brittany Spears when you need them?! (LOL, who'd've ever thunk I'd be happy to hear news about them!!!)
dedtired
17 years ago
Gads -- I know. All anyone can talk about is the economy and the US election. It seems everyone knows the names of Palin's kids. Here Britney is making a comeback and hardly anyone knows it. What a sad state of affairs.
lakeguy35
17 years ago
LOL! Not sure I'm ready for Hollywood headlines, I'm just disappointed with news/media coverage (about anything) in general.

David

Related Stories

BEDROOMS The Right Mattress: The Secret to a Great Night’s Sleep

By Sophie Baylis

We spend a third of our lives asleep, so investing in a quality mattress is essential. Check out this expert advice to help you choose yours

Full Story

177

FURNITURE Smart Shopper: How to Buy a Mattress

By Fred Albert

Confusing options, hair-raising prices, haggling ... Our guide can keep you from losing sleep over mattress shopping

Full Story

121

ART Let's Put a Price on Art: Your Guide to Art Costs and Buying

By Vanessa Brunner

We paint you a picture of what affects an artwork's price — plus a little-known way to take home what you love when it's beyond your budget

Full Story

DECORATING GUIDES Custom Draperies 101

By decordemon

Say yes to great fabric, liner and hardware

Full Story

DECORATING GUIDES A Mobile Home Gets a Bohemian-Chic Makeover

By Becky Harris

Designer infuses world traveler’s guesthouse with tribal textiles, Moroccan tiles and kilim rugs

Full Story

139

KITCHEN CABINETS Cabinets 101: How to Choose Construction, Materials and Style

By Matt Clawson

Do you want custom, semicustom or stock cabinets? Frameless or framed construction? We review the options

Full Story

FURNITURE What to Know Before You Buy a Sectional

By Becky Dietrich, Interior Designer

Learn about sizes, arm setups, seat types and more to get the right sectional for your space

Full Story

124

WORKING WITH PROS 12 Questions Your Interior Designer Should Ask You

By Mike Dietrich

The best decorators aren’t dictators — and they’re not mind readers either. To understand your tastes, they need this essential info

Full Story

167

BUDGETING YOUR PROJECT Construction Contracts: What to Know About Estimates vs. Bids

By Ventana Construction LLC

Understanding how contractors bill for services can help you keep costs down and your project on track

Full Story

GREAT HOME PROJECTS How to Add a Radiant Heat System

By Mariana Pickering (Emu Building Science)

Enjoy comfy, consistent temperatures and maybe even energy savings with hydronic heating and cooling

Full Story

122

New Investing Terminology

Comments (8)

compumom

seagrass_gw Cape Cod

Related Discussions

sally2_gw

shaun

dedtired

lowspark

dedtired

lakeguy35

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US