Lori, It's good to hear from you even thought there are still some high hurdles out there for you. I'm also glad to hear that the kids are your major support. You are an inspiration for sure.

*"I've aged a ton. I look like sh!t. I don't do much for myself" I do a lot for myself and still look like sh!t.

It's good to hear from you. I've been wanting to know what the kids were all up to. How's the puppy thing going?

Yeah Lori, I thought the same thing as Linda, what's my excuse?!
Life just sucks sometimes, and then other times it doesn't. Glad to hear you've found a support group. I'm a firm believer in them. Shrinks most of the time don't know diddly. Someone who has been through an experience and come out the other end, THEY KNOW. Nothing like helping someone else to make you feel a little better, IMHO. I think someday you're going to write a book about your experiences and help a lot of other young widows.

Howdie Lori!! So good to see your post!!
Been thinking of you a lot lately and how your doing, how the kids are holding up ect...

Thanks for the update. Give everyone-even the big ole boys a hug from me! Tell them your friend from Philly is sending love and support their way!

PEACE!
Susie

Hi Lori. Sounds like you are still dealing with a lot, and after only ten months, I guess that's to be expected. I'm so glad the kids are such a source of comfort for you -- and you for them.

Yeah, I look pretty sh!tty myself, but I don't have as much to work with as you do. You'll get it all back together in due time, I'm sure.

Thank you so much for taking the time to give us an update.

My brother in law has Meniere's, which caused dizziness and ringing in the ears but no pain. Recently he has improved dramatically for no known reason.

Whatever the cause, I hope your head/ear problem clears up soon.

So good to hear from you, Lori! We miss ya 'round here!

Sounds like you're doing remarkably well and I am so glad you have found some support aside from the kids and the forum.

Wow, you really do have some incredible kids, too!

Hey, just wait until you get to my age and looking like
sh!t is the norm! LOL

Linda

Hey girl! I was getting worried about you so please stay in touch.

You look like sh*t? So give yourself a break, and soak in the tub, slather on some moisutizer, condition you hair and try a trashy novel. You and the kids will feel better.

Go ahead and laugh, I bet Bob loved your laugh. And I bet the kids do too.

And remember, we are here too.

Peppi

Peppi is right, go ahead and laugh. Bob wouldn't have ever wanted you to be sad. Love your kids, laugh now and then and come here to vent when you need to.

It's been a tough time for you and I pretty much agree with Lpink. Although I don't wish to downgrade the service of professionals, sometimes someone who has been though the same thing can be more helpful than anyone else.

Hang in there, Lori. I'd like to say it'll get better soon but I don't really know when it will be better. Every one grieves in their own way and on their own timeframe.

Annie

So good to see you around Lori, I've been wondering where you've been too! The support groups do work for some people, and for others they're just too much "in your face" all at once. Try it for another week or two, then re-evaluate if it's helping you manage your grief. If not, there are other options but as we've all said above, come here and there will be lots of forum friends to hug you and gently encourage as well.

Your children are a blessing, and I know how much of a comfort they've been to you. Bob is there in all of them, holding your hand and leading you through. Hugs and peace to you, dear Lori and keep coming back! ((((Lori & family)))
DONNA

Glad to see my kick in the butt heads up worked. Five cents, please (grin).

Keep looking for a 'match' in support groups. Form your own, with women YOU pick? It's a bit early to be thinking of men. Anyone with ideas for how she can find others?

Lori, you type long posts. When I do that, I use a word processor and save frequently, then cut/paste. I also appreciate the spell checker!

We will all be here for you Sunday, December 14th. If you start a thread shortly before that, all the responses will come to you. If you don't/can't, someone will.

(((HUGS)))

Hi Lori, good to hear from you. I love reading about what's going on in your life and the kids lives. Please keep laughing, the kids need to hear laughter and see their mom smiling too. Plus laughing is good for you! Don't ever feel guilty for that.

I wish you could find someone, a friend, anyone who has gone thru what you have. Just to talk about things that some of us (as much as we try to) can't even relate to. That way you know they 'get it' when you speak of a certain feeling you have or how you feel in certain situations; a song, a smell..... you need someone who knows.

Oh and I'm sure you dont look like sh!t either! ahahaha!

Remember you have so many friends here who truly care about you. We're all pulling for ya honey!

Hugs to you
Shaun

Lori, it's good to hear from you. I'm glad you are getting on with life. I understand the survivors guilt thing and as you know by now it's something you have to deal with and it changes subtly little by little. Keep in touch when you can.

Hi Lori - I haven't been posting much here but have been lurking and it's nice to see that you're hangin' in :)

Sue

Lori, thanks for checking in and bringing us up to date on you and the kids. You know that we all worry about you.

Take care of yourself and I hope you are feeling better soon.

Ann

Glad to hear from you...
My advice is to just keep on "keeping on"....and it will begin to get easier after a year.
And don't be a stranger now...ya hear! We do worry about you and need to know what's going on...glad to hear that Brendon "has a ring in the future".
Don't get sucked into the Meniers disease treatment thing...rather unlikely you have that....and the stuff they give you for it is a real downer.
Stress, dahling...stress! And outside of Yoga, or mega doses of booze neither of which I suppose you have the time for....there's not much to do but carry on....and it will get better!
Linda C

Whooo Hoo!

Lori!... you made my day by posting. Sort of a busy world and we were out of touch there for awhile. Glad to hear you are still doing. I doubt you look bad. Real beauty comes from within and all your friends here know you as a strong heart.

Menieres Disease?... I see Marylin Monroe and Alan Shepherd were famous people with it. Hope you have a speedy recovery! Be extra careful... I know you will.

your friend,
lyra

Hey Lori!
My bite is off too - doctor said that the stress has caused me to clench or grind at night. I am going to go to an orthodontist and may need a retainer or braces.

Good to hear from you - and we will get together soon - I promise!
-maria

Lori,

It's great to see you post! Hang in there.

(((hugs))))
Brenda

You too, Brenda.

Lori, if you haven't checked out my friend's blog, I suggest you read it some time (for everyone else, I have a friend who lost her husband about 3 months after Lori. She has 4 children -- two grown and out of the house and two teens still at home. They are devout Catholics and had a wonderful marriage. Their story is very similar to Lori's and she has been keeping a blog). I think my friend and Lori could benefit from just sharing some feelings with each other. And Lori, she even has a sister that lives in Connecticut so she goes back East frequently to visit. Maybe you could even meet in person. Lori, if you've lost her MySpace address let me know and I'll send it again. Here are a few excerpts from recent blogs:

"Even at my work, on my turf, in my job, with my coworkers and my patients ...i feel so empty, missing such a critical piece of me ...wearing this mask of "doing OK". He was my best friend, my confidante, my heart, my soulmate; he filled all the spaces of my life, and now i have to find a way to fill all of those empty gaping holes that are so glaringly obvious to me. And for the first time in my adult life, i have to do all of this alone ...cope with this, alone ...find answers (if that's possible) without his help or support or comfort."

"Plus, putting on the mask that everything's "OK", smiling, laughing, re-engaging, takes energy. A few have experienced this same tragedy, so have some idea of the impact; otherwise, there is just no way to convey how completely wrenching this has been."

Not to get political, but the title of my post makes me sound like John McCain.

All you guys who say you look like sh!t too are full of it. You're all beautiful.

The puppy (Toto) is doing very well. She's housebroken (at least when I'm home). Mackenzie is looking forward to Halloween, since she will dress up as Dorothy and take Toto with us. Of course, I'll be the wicked witch. Mackenzie says I'm not a witch - "Witches are grouchy and old and ugly. You're not old and ugly." Eh...two out of three...LOL

I went to the one-on-one counseling and I really don't think it's for me. Maybe it just wasn't a good match, but she kept just staring at me, waiting for me to talk. I'd talk for 10 minutes, then stop. I figured she'd ask the, "and how does that make you feel" questions, but there was just this silence. So I'd talk about something else again and she wouldn't say a word. By the end of the appointment it was more like a staring contest. I'm going next week just to say I gave it a fair shot, but...nah. I can do the same thing in my car when I'm alone.

The group counseling with the widow support group - now that's good. They can relate to the littlest things. That's what I need. Every single thing I've felt, somebody has been through the same thing. I also feel like I'm helping somebody else in some way, and that's important to me. Laurie, if I had connections, yes, I'd love to write a book -- if not just for my own sanity.

Lyra, yet another thing Marilyn Monroe and I have in common...who knew?! ;)

I don't think I have Menieres Disease. I think I have stress. In the last week or two I've controlled it much better and I'm feeling much better, although not 100% I'll get there. Today happens to be a good day.

Dlynn, yes, I believe I still have the link on my laptop at home. If I remember right, her husband's name was also Bob, but he had an illness?? I will check back in with it.

Yes, Maria, let's get together soon...please!

I hope all of you are doing well. I miss you all and want to post more.

Hey Lori...so good to hear you are moving forward even if it's still muddy waters these days. A year is such a short time in grieving except when YOU are the person going through it. Then it's 365 days AND nights sometimes minute by minute. It does sound as if you are finding your own healing groove and despite the age of the other widows it's good you know how to identify in rather than compare out.

I've thought of you often and hoped to get north before winter. If I slog thru the snow in January you may get a face to face hello. (You're still baking I hope!)

Love you! Maureen

CLose, Lori, his name was Bill and he had cancer. He progressed very quickly from diagnosis. And, ironically, she is writing a book!

Hi Lori,

Its so nice to see posts from you! IÂm sorry Brian has been sick for cross country season. HereÂs hoping heÂll have a fantastic track season, that he will be well and older and stronger.

All kids progress and regress, donÂt they? You will probably have ups and downs and things that donÂt get done in the holidays coming up, but maybe there will be some new things, some breakthroughs and celebrations too.

I hope your health stuff is improving. I have had a couple of times where stress really manifested itself physically. The symptoms began to improve when it dawned on me that they were probably stress induced. Take good care of yourself though. Get a flu shot! Drink lots of water! (sorry, I have an endless need to nag, say my kids)

You have a great grasp on what is important for your own family. DonÂt doubt that. Keep on.

Denise