Some people consider outside cats like the squirrels and bunnies. They feed them but don't worry about vet bills or neutering...I guess you just have to accept that.
When I first married ( by DH was the manager of a cheesemaking business which also included 5 farms) they had a terrible mouse and rat problem in the dairy barns. Lots of exterminators came and sprayed and the mice came back. I asked why they didn't have barn cats..was told they used to but they didn't any more.
Well a new daryman came to take care of the cows and barns...and he brought some kitties he had gotten from another farmer....and proceeded to make sure they were vaccinated...and all subsequent kittens were taken in for vacinnation and the males neutered.
Soon the mouse problem was over. Peroid! No more poisions ro expensive exterminator problems...just cats.
But most farmers and apparantly these people as well just consider outside cats as in the same category as wildlife.

I'd say the best thing would to hope your son finds someone better to hang around.
Linda C

Although it's hard to turn your back on a situation like this, I have to say that this is not your problem. Your problem is that your son is mixed up with this bunch. Could the mom possibly be a pet hoarder? Even if someone were to pay to spay and neuter this batch of cats, she would probably bring in even more.

You have a good heart to want to help.

Linda, if they lived on a farm I might have a different point of view, perhaps, but they don't. They live on a suburban street.

I contacted the local Humane Society via email and the person who read my email referred me to Alley Cat Guardians so I'll see what they have to say. I would pay for a few low cost spays, the resident mom cats anyway. I imagine I can enlist the girlfriend to help me round up one cat at a time.

As for the girl, this relationship is long term in teen years. She has been either best friend or girlfriend for over a year. She is nice and my son is very fond of her. The mom is fond of my son. No, I'm not crazy about this but I'm working with what exists as best I can. At least the girl is pleasant and kind and emotionally stable.

Hoping my son finds a new girlfriend doesn't feel very productive or likely.

Ok, I've got to say my first instinct was to make an anonymous call to animal control -- 20+ cats in a house is likely to be unsanitary and the conditions potentially considered cruel if they are all diseased... This might also get some attention drawn to the mom, as many cases involving this many animals in a small suburban house highlight mental illness...

Tough situation barnmom! I'm glad the girlfriend is loving and stable.

Emily

Thanks, Em. I'm going to try to approach it in a less confrontational manner. The house is neat and clean and decorated. I think the mom is neurotic and overwhelmed but not mentally ill. I know she works nights.

No it's not my problem but my son is and these people are a part of his life. He is there more than he is at his own home at his dad's. He is only 18.

If they are resistant or upset at my suggestion of help I'll mind my own business.

If the daughter is old enough to have a relationship with your son for a year, she's old enough to see about the cats, and to be responsible fors eeing that they are healthy and not populating the world. You know as well as I do that people don't easily "find a home for" excess kittens. They end up being euthanized at the animal control place.
And lack of concern for animals which depend on you for their well being often translates to lack of concern for the humans who depend on you for their well being.
Good for you for having the birth control talk with the girlfriend, but don't depend on her remembering.
I would be hoping and praying for another girl friend...but I don't suppose there's much you can do about it.
Is he going to school now? I know he just graduated from high school.
Frankly I am more concerned about your darling boy than the cats.
Linda C

Eileen, you are a wise woman!

I don't have any advice on the personal situation. You're working with what is and that deserves admiration.

Is there a feral cat coalition in your area? Most will provide humane traps and can arrange spay/neuter for free. That might be a good option for these kitties. If they're basically on their own with some food but minimal socialization and no care, I think they'd qualify.

Carol

Here is a link that might be useful: Feral Cat Spay & Neuter Project

Eileen I hope you are able to initiate some immediate solution through one of the societies you have contacted and perhaps have a serious talk again with the young lady.
Cats reproduce exponentially....and start doing so at an age when we consider them to be far too young.

I've been through the experience once when I started feeding a stray female cat who hung around our garage. Since the weather here is mild she lived outdoors but soon appeared one day with six kittens in tow. She had brought them to her dish in the garage to show them how to eat. After no time at all....they all seemed to have kittens themselves....it became a nightmare. Luckily I was able to find a retired veterinarian in our neighbourhood who helped me set up a miniature clinic in my outdoor laundry room, where he spayed and neutered around 30 young cats. I borrowed a humane cat trap from the local cat refuge and caught them one at a time over many weeks using food as bait. Each time I caught one I phoned the vet who then came over and together we operated them, keeping them overnight in the laundry room in small cages and when it was clear they were safe to release, we let them go back into the garden and the neighbourhood waste ground.

I kept some of them as pets but it was an experience I would never repeat. One only has to figure that with 20 cats, half perhaps are females and then multiply 10 X 6 (kittens each) = 60 possible kittens... to see how quickly the situation becomes overwhelming.
I sure hope you can influence the family to realize the enormous extent a cat problem can become in a very short time.
Good for you and best of luck!

SharonCb

Well we have this exact problem in our neighborhood..My friend who lives closer the the Crazy Cat Man..has taken in several of his pregnant females, wormed them and allowed them to birth their babies in the safety of her home. Then took the mama's to the pound for a free spay (feral cats are spayed/neutered for free here) She then finds homes for the kittens, any she's decided to keep (there's been 4 total) she gets reduce spay/neuter on as well). Well we thought that most of his cat supply had dwindled..but it seems he found a few more females...It used to be all orange tabby verisons of kitties everywhere..now there are some grey point long hairs, blacks, calicos and still the standard orange tabbies. There was atleast 2 litters born in the last 3 months. They pile the food on the fence/arbor and the cats eat and move on. There is no worming..and I know these cats eat wild things too! So they are all sickly. We had another friend pick one of the kittens..They of course took it to the vet in the first 2 days they had and found it was FULL of worms..I could have told them that! LOL
I'll try and get a picture of the "party". There are usually a half to a dozen curled up cats on the roof in the sun. Oh and then there is the Geese, ducks and chicken mini flocks...

As for the boy and his choice..well he is 18. I agree with you Eileen give them the tools..and hope they sort it out themselves.

Pam, you give me too much credit. I think it would more accurate to say I try not to be a complete idiot. (GF's mom wants her daughter to marry as a virgin, I hear.)

Conversation this morning with Darling Boy:

Mom: Tell me, dear, is this your forever girlfriend?

DB: No Mom, I know she isn't perfect for me.

Mom: (Whew!)

I've known for a while that the relationship has progressed past the hand-holding stage. While I would hardly qualify as "Mom of the Year" do have a great rapport with both of my kids. We can talk about just about anything. I do not arbitrarily punish my kids for doing things I don't approve of but they do have to listen to me talk about choices and consequences and hear lots of life advice. I talked with my son about BC a few months ago and encouraged him to talk with GF about using a more secure method than condoms. She didn't want to approach her mother or risk her finding pills so the topic languished. Eventually she changed her mind. I got literature from Planned Parenthood on various methods and information about services for those under 18. (She is 17.) I gave it to Darling Boy with the instruction that he and GF should read it together and make a decision about what might be best. Darling Boy is relieved. So is DB's Mom.

Back to the cats. I called DB this morning and we talked about the cats. A few months ago there were 7. Now there are at least 20. I gave him a list of places to call. Reading Lady, there is a group here called Alley Cat Guardians that does spays/neuters of feral cats but all but one of these is a pet. They go in and out of the house and are quite friendly. The one feral one would possibly qualify but since they feed it daily at this point I wonder. The low-cost place is $60 per female cat with the disclaimer that it will be at least triple that and as much as $300 if the cat is pregnant. Which would very likely, I suspect. I have another county source to check out but I'm not hopeful.

I made sure DB was fully aware of how many cats there will be in the next 6-8 months if something isn't done very soon. The cats are cute but sick. I have him checking farm supply stores to see if they have meds needed. Often the farm supply stores have vet supplies at a much lower cost than taking them to the vet. I pointed out that pretending the cats aren't going to become more and more cats will eventually result in Animal Control coming and rounding them up and probably fining the mom.

I now know that there are 4 intact females that live there. Not as bad as I thought.

DB is doing okay, all things considered - those things being his complete lack of interest in school the last half of his senior year and his lack of an active role model. He lives with his father who is disabled and mostly sleeps all day. DB is enrolled in the local junior college and is doing well with a full schedule. He is also job hunting and had a second interview with B&N as holiday help.

We had a long visit a few days ago and talked about what he might like to do with his life. He loves science and is good at math. I offered up horticulture or architecture. He tells me not to worry about him, I told him it's in the hard wiring, I can't help myself. I'm a mom.

Glad she's not his "forever girlfriend"...and glad he is going to school...
Am remebering the stories about your DexH...maybe he's better with the cat woman...
As for the kitties...perhaps DB will realize a life lesson from all this...
And maybe animal control will move in....with the accompanying news coverage and the clucking of tongues about the whole thing.
I have seen it happen with cats, dogs, and horses....eventually someone calls animal control and they move in.
Tell him to keep going to school...and get a job!...and remember to use his handkerchief, wash his hands and say please, thank you and Yes maam and no sir! LOL!
Linda C

Most of the cat rescue people I know of play pretty loosely with the "feral" definition in situations like these, especially if the cats are living outside. I bet this organization you've contacted, or another one like it could provide traps and even possibly volunteers to help with trapping the cats so they can be neutered and spayed. Some of these organizations will spay and neuter a kitten as small as 2 pounds. If these cats and kittens are living outside, and their "owner" is refusing vet care for them, as far as I'm concerned, the cats are truly feral, even if they are being fed. Don't tell anyone they may be pets. I have a feeling the so called "owners" of these cats wouldn't care, and probably wouldn't even notice if you got them fixed. There are places where I live that will do it for free. The only problem with that organization is that they will literally do upwards of 150 cats in one day, so it's hard on the cats, but obviously, it's necessary, too.

Good luck with this. It's sort of ironic that you're faced with BC for both your DB and the GF's cats. My heart and support go out to you for dealing with this, especially with the young lady.

Sally

Here the feral organization is only concerned about limiting reproduction and doesn't fuss too much about definitions, as Sally said. But localities differ. I sure hope things do work out for you. Those kittens (the ones that survive) will be breeding like crazy.

I do understand the dilemma. My DH has a cousin. She's a lovely person but keeps tons of cats around, feeds them but never provides vet care and says she can't afford spay/neuter. One mother cat, quite tame, got sick and her SIL loaded Fiona up and dumped her on some country road. Poor thing. I can just imagine her fate. Nothing we could do. We didn't even know it'd happened until weeks later. They don't think of themselves as cruel; I'm sure they consider themselves animal lovers.

DH's cousin knows how we feel about it, but it's really hard to change entrenched attitudes or convince someone that in many cases the cost of food adds up to far more than the cost of spay/neuter, even if they end up paying some portion of the fee.

Carol

I got another email from the feral cat folks informing me of a clinic in November. They will "fix" 2 females/2 males per person. So I passed along the info to my son. I may "claim" a few cats to further the cause. We'll see if they are willing to follow through. The cost is $10 per cat. Which is certainly reasonable. We have to get on the phone first thing the morning of the 27th to get on the schedule.

Great! And good luck. It's wonderful you're taking time for something that's not directly your responsibility. If they could, the kitties would thank you.

Carol

Good for you to instigate this Eileen! It really is a necessary step that should have been taken by the girlfriend's mother but you are a dear to start putting the wheels in motion. It looks like the mom doesn't have any idea of what will be in store for her if she doesn't move quickly to have them all spayed & neutered. Good luck!

SharonCb

They plan to just dump the kittens at the pound according to my son. The family has no interest in trying to make them well and finding homes for them. I suspect they've done this before but I don't know this.

I'm horrified but there is only so much I can do by remote. I have never met the mother or anyone but the girlfriend.

As my son says... "Mom, it's kind of ghetto over here."

At the very last I want him to understand that this is not appropriate nor responsible behavior without being overtly critical or pushy. Watch me on this tightrope...

I don't envy you. It's tough but it sounds like your son is waking up to the situation. People who neglect or are cruel to animals often have similar personality traits when it comes to dealing with the poeple in their lives.

On the other hand, maybe the mom is just overwhelmed and needs to get this problem (literally) off her doorstep.

I just had a sad thought. Even if you get them all gone/spayed/neutered... she'll just do it again. Won't she? Can't she be "reported"? UGH! I hate that idea. But how else can it stop 100%?

Good luck and best wishes to your son.

It's just a very sad situation, and one that is repeated everywhere. The rescue group I volunteer for has a long waiting list, and occasionally gets cats from the pound that people have turned over, including kittens, which the pound was going to kill due to lack of space. Most of the kittens and cats turned into the pound are killed, because the rescue groups don't have the space to rescue all of them, either. Maybe these people don't realize that; maybe they think they wouldn't kill kittens, but they do. They only have so much room, and there's so many people out there like your son's girlfriend's mother. It's just so sad.

Sally

Update: Not much to report. DB's girlfriend made the effort to get the cats into the spay clinic. She began calling as soon as the hotline opened but by the time she got through, they were full. I think there is another one next month so we'll try again. Unfortunately I was on the road to a press check in Napa when the call had to be made. I also felt it was important for someone there to be making the calls.

There is another option coming up soon for 40.00/cat vouchers through the Humane Society. Not as cheap but still better than the low-cost clinic that wants 60.00 as long as nothing goes wrong. But they have to show low-income status in some way. And I don't know if they are on any programs (low-income utility program, food stamp card) or if they are if they'd want me to know about it. The super low cost clinic does this once a month I think, so maybe next time we can have several phones going.

I don't know the status of the kittens. :( But have a call into GF to call me back when she is out of school today.

The good news is that DB (as in Dear Boy) has a job! He goes to his orientation for beginning at B&N on Friday. My daughter has an application in at Starbucks and high hopes since she knows several of the kids who work there.

So, onward.

I guess we have it lucky here, but even so, with so many feral cats, there are limits to how much any organization can do at one time.

Congratulations to your son! I hope he enjoys his job. My fingers are crossed for your daughter, too. My nephew works for Starbucks, and really loves it. He's hoping to actually make a career out of it, and is on the track to becoming a manager. It sounds like a good company to work for.

Sally

I give DB's girlfriend credit. She's clearly making an effort. It's not easy, especially when it's family.

My DB worked for Starbucks when he was a writing consultant. They provide benefits even for part-time workers, which is a huge advantage and very rare in today's environment. I don't like their coffee but I applaud their employee ethic.

Carol