I'm assuming that you are wanting to transfer your primary residence to the property? What about what they want? Would they be OK combining households with you or are you envisioning something like a MIL residence on the property where they would live completely separate from your family?

If they don't want to move to a senior community any time soon, then you're going to have to restructure the home 100% which would cost 150% of building new if everything has to be addressed. Time for a teardown. Put a trailer on the land for a temp residence. Then salvage what sentimental good quality items you can and demolish everything but the fireplace (if it still draws and is in good condition.) Rebuild using the utility services that already exist. (A large expense for a new home on unserved land) Be sure to use universal design to make it easier for folks of all ages to be able to use. Whether or not the rebuild includes a guest house or 2nd master suite type of space will depend on how you and your parents want to approach the next phase of their life. But, for your purposes, a teardown is the financially smart way to go.

I'm assuming that you are wanting to transfer your primary residence to the property? What about what they want? Would they be OK combining households with you or are you envisioning something like a MIL residence on the property where they would live completely separate from your family?

Yes, this would become our primary residence and they're good with that. I don't think they understand how potentially disruptive construction can be and I don't know how to get to that point, but they do want us (and their grandchild) to live there.

It looks like legally, we can either do separate residences or combine the two structures. I go back and forth on what would be preferable, for the usual reasons.

Then salvage what sentimental good quality items you can and demolish everything but the fireplace (if it still draws and is in good condition.)

So I'm correct in my impression that you can leave a fireplace standing while tearing pretty much everything else apart? There really is nothing like this fireplace and if there's any reasonable way of preserving it, I really think it's worth preserving.

Other stuff I think would just come right out and could be cleaned up. There are beautiful vintage knotty pine kitchen cabinets from the 1950s and I think they would be stunning if the wood was cleaned. There's also a lot of nice knotty pine paneling in the living room and build-ins in one of the bedrooms.

I think the next step is to talk to a good builder and get some recommendations. I agree with what you're saying about a tear-down, but I think it would come easier coming from a third party.

Sounds like a teardown to me. I lived in a 1950's ranch for 30+ years. We bought another to remodel, but decided (HOORAY!) to tear down and build all new. VERY glad we didn't go through remodeling and end with a hodge-podge of small, old rooms and lovely new parts.

The rest of the equation is personal to you and your family. Do you WANT to live with or next door to your parents? Have they considered living elsewhere? Have you? How long do they expect to live on this property? Is it the optimum place for them TO live? (Many Seniors are amazed to discover a new lease on life when they try Senior housing!)

We did a teardown on the advice of a bank appraiser, and because we'd known a couple who lost money on a subsequent sale after extensive remodeling. Our all-new house didn't cost more than the remodeling would have, and has value *because* it is all new and all-of-a-piece, not cobbled together.

You can remove the parts of the old house you want to re-use. You could also leave foundation and chimney standing and build around that. (Are you saying the fireplace mantle is nice, or the brick- or stone-work?)

Think of what you'll have in the end. Think twice about a two-family setup that may be difficult to sell one day.

Are you saying the fireplace mantle is nice, or the brick- or stone-work?

The brickwork. It incorporates bricks from a now defunct local brick company that was around almost a century ago, so there's historical/local interest.

The rest of the equation is personal to you and your family. Do you WANT to live with or next door to your parents? Have they considered living elsewhere? Have you? How long do they expect to live on this property? Is it the optimum place for them TO live?

My parents are in pretty good shape and they are not going to move anywhere else unless they have to!

It's an unusual piece of property. It's been in my family for over fifty years and is multiple acres on a beautiful lake next to conservation land. You literally couldn't purchase a parcel of this size on this location today, all other home sites got subdivided and built on back when it was legal to do so.

Which is why we'd like to try and make this work, even though there's some issues to work through around building.

I see two separate issues:

1) Your parents' house needs repairs.

2) You want to build on their land.

So, if they want to give you some of the land, fine. They can legally subdivide their land and give you a piece. You then build your house. The only question is if you want to live there -- presuming you can afford to build a house.

If they want to stay in the existing house, they can hire the repairs made. They don't seem to care if it's 'remodeled'; they just want to be safe.

Your parents could will their parcel to you -- or it could be given to the conservancy, if that's a possiblity. There would be a Capital Gains Tax advantage, and, while you wouldn't have to maintain or pay RE tax on it, you'd have the pleasure of open land.

Just remember, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It seems to be your mother's choice to live cheaply, perhaps under the guise of clinging to the past. It's her life -- and her land.

So, if they want to give you some of the land, fine. They can legally subdivide their land and give you a piece. You then build your house. The only question is if you want to live there -- presuming you can afford to build a house.

This is a side issue, but the land can't be legally subdivided. We can only build because their existing house is so small it can be considered an "accessory apartment", even if it remains a free standing structure. And yes, we can afford to build. We're very close to paying off our existing mortgage on our current house.

If they want to stay in the existing house, they can hire the repairs made. They don't seem to care if it's 'remodeled'; they just want to be safe.

Well here's the thing. Their current house is just a mess. I don't mean dated, I mean that there's tile falling down in the bathroom (shower/tub is unusable), the roof needs to be replaced, wall board is popping out from moisture in the finished basement, the outside shingles need to be replaced, and too many items great and small to be listed.

We live very close by. I've offered to set them up with contractors when we've had work done to our house, I've offered to help them with practical legwork involved in hiring contractors, if there was a hint of financial issues, I'd happily jump in and offer financial assistance. They want the magic person who will read their minds and do it all for free falling into their laps.

Now a side of me says, "Forget about it!" and let them let their roof fall in if that's what they really want, but they ARE my parents and I do feel some diffidence about that stance. Exploring the ins and outs of us building seems to be a good time to also explore this issue.

I think what we are going to do is talk to a few good builders and get some honest assessments about what is and isn't feasible. I'm thinking (hoping) some estimates about what's involved will either get them on board or allow us to figure we're not living there in their lifetime and move on.

File this under 'none of my business' if you wish: Your parents sound depressed, stuck, frozen. Your mother sounds like a manipulator. There's nothing you can do FOR them. It's not even appropriate.

Your last few words are exactly how I see this situation: "...we're not living there in their lifetime..."

I'd move ahead with buying or building your own home (and future) entirely separate from their 'bunker' and any other enmeshing games. It *might* be that if you set your own course, your parents will do the same...for themselves! Regardless, you can only run YOUR life.

Chisue, you make some very good points and it was good for me to read them.

You are good to take them as I intended (to help) without becoming defensive. Good on you, and good luck 'moving on'.

I would strongly suggest a teardown. The house is so old and in bad shape and is not currently safe. The house could have parts of it reused/salvaged. Paneling, brick, mantels, etc can be repurposed in a modern, energy efficient, well planned house that fits your needs and is not a drain on their finances now or later.

I do not know how well the house takes advantage of the views of the lake but often times older homes do not do this well at all.

Get past the sentimental aspect and make some sound reasoned decisions that can take into account their salvaged parts in a new design . This could be two separate homes or one with two suites. The two separate homes are better for resale down the road but a combined unit will be slightly less expensive.