DS is almost 14 and one of the most organized people I know. He is now responsible for doing his own laundry and cleaning his room, not just picking it up, and does it without nagging. When we moved into our new house last spring, he asked us if he could pack & set up his things, and did an amazing job of it. He was not born with this ability, nor did it happen overnight. Yes, we know how lucky we are!! We started at toddler age with bins & shelves for his toys. It really helps to have a place for everything. We didn't do the big toy chest--it's the bottomless pit that things tend to get broken in & lost forever. We did daily pickup sessions together, but told him it was ultimately his job. If he didn't pick his toys up by the end of the day, he "lost" them for a period of time, a natural consequence. He also attended a Montessori preschool, which insists on putting one activity away before getting another. When friends come over to play, he knows that either they help him put things away, or he has to afterwards, and I give them a gentle warning of 30 minutes or so before the playdate will end. If our son made a mess, he was expected to clean it up, which was an opportunity to show him how. He then usually wouldn't do it again so he wouldn't have the chore. Occasionally he made mistakes that involved some destruction, and he had to do additional chores and/or lose privileges to correct his mistake. A daily "uniform" helps with the clothing issues. This can be either a school uniform or what you have decided your child can wear, then make it accessible and let your child choose from that. I picked tops & bottoms that I knew were comfy, sturdy, & would all go with each other. Our son loved dressing himself from an early age. One thing that really helped me is what the "Love & Logic" program teaches about expectations & consequences to guide behavior. There are Love & Logic books, tapes, & lectures available at libraries & schools. With L&L, you don't yell, threaten, or negotiate. You do let the child know what is expected, and you do what you said you'd do, NO warnings or second chances. It's hard at first, but gets easier over time, and everyone is much happier & more peaceful. The whole idea is to never do for your child what s/he can do at each age. We're there to teach them life skills and let them practice them.

I think you should sit down with your housekeeper and come to an agreement as to what will be included in your cleaning fee and what will be considered extra. Make sure you allow her to speak freely about what she feels is extra work for her. If you have a disagreement about something, discuss it and come to a compromise or some kind of agreement. It's very easy for the person simply writing a check to exploit people like housekeepers and start asking them, "Oh, would you mind…" and it grows and grows, but the compensation never does. Housekeepers can't ask, "Oh, would you mind adding a few extra dollars this week?" So for instance, included in the weekly pay would be the usual, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms and kitchen, cleaning windows from dog slobber; vacuuming under sofa/chair cushions... Additional, to me, would be washing baseboards/woodwork; getting a ladder out to dust chandeliers once a month, say. Cleaning an oven, if yours isn't self-cleaning. cleaning grout…that kind of stuff, harder work, more detailed.

Quit a mixture today of opinions. Many good ones, but the one which stood out for me was by Hector Hugh Monro. "He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed". I talked to that guy yesterday evening.

I do soak and microwave my kitchen sponge for a minute to kill bacteria. It soaps up and steams in the mw and makes the interior of the mw easy to clean too. Just be very careful handling it after as it is HOT. I use tongs. But I'd never put metal into a mw. I accidentally put a dish of water in the mw not realizing it was lead crystal. It sparked and smoked and killed the mw....