Part of the problem may be your becoming disinterested. The builders sees this and has moved on to other things since it's not bothering you (at least it seems that way to him).

I would write him a (nice) letter, send Registered, along with a phone call the day I mail (he'll receive letter that confirms the conversation) and let him know how displeased you are with the progress. This assuming you've spoken with him previously with your concerns.

I didn't go thru what you're going thru (11mth estimated build only 9mths, 6K custom home) but wouldn't take another vacation until the build is finished.

Good luck!

Heck, I'm a builder and on certain projects I feel that way a lot of days!

You don't have to visit the site every day. You'll just depress yourself more than necessary.

Our build is going so slow it's not a lack of interest, i just sometimes forget we are doing it!

Fatigue may be one of the factors in a temporary disinterest. The nice thing about apathy is that one does not have to expend much effort to prove that one is sincere about it!

Soonermagic,
I understand how you feel. It took our builder 8 1/2 months (he told us 6) and he still needed more time. I agree with allison-DON'T take a vacation. You need to be there to catch any mistakes made by subcontractors. Just curious-Who is your builder? We also live in Norman. Our average rainfall is about 30", and between the months of April and May we have already received 1/3 of this total. So, I'm sure that has slowed your build down some.

soonermagic:

I'm reading this with great interest, since we are still in the design phase with our architect and exploring initial cost projections with our builder.

Already, only 3 months into this, I've had several times like you described. So I'm wondering what gives? And how will I sustain my interest over the long, long haul.

Frustration and annoyance get you down especially when you can do nothing much to move things along. For me, that's when I get snippy, or lethargic, or disinterested. I think a mini-vacation is a great idea at those times. Once I got perked up going to the local dog park to watch the dogs. I've also stopped by the lake to watch the ducks; started working on the landscape plan; made a collage on the file cabinet of decorating ideas; bought a new piece of piano music I'd been wanting to start learning to play.

And collecting relevant sayings I print large and stick on the bulletin board. Here are two:

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

"Don't push the river."

Truly, I've already worn myself out several times trying to push the river. The river will flow of its own accord. And we will get battered against the rocks at times or stuck in a jetty. Are you trying to hard to fix something you just can't fix?

bj has some good advice. We've been at this 3 years now and at times I get quite disheartened. Some of the time it's because things are being done that don't really "show". Other times it's GC's fault. He'll say "cement is going in on..." or, "flooring will be done by..." But then the dates are here and whatever was supposed to be done hasn't even been STARTED!
Since you can realistically only strangle your GC once, it helps to get other things done in these down times. Pick furniture out, decide on interior paints, even buy towels for that new bathrooms!

sooner

disinterested no. fumimg, frustrated - often.

I feel your pain. There have been times when nothing was done to our house for weeks. It happens. Talk to your builder - find out what the completion schedule is for various jobs. Get worried when these dates are missed by more than a week. Don't ring the alarm bell with your builder to often, but when you think the project is really off track, don't be affraid to pull on the handle.

I read a lot of books about building a custom home before we got started , most of them crap. No book could ever prepare you mentally for the process. But there was one line out of a book that was worth remembering. "The differenence between a good house and a great house is You!"

You have to stay involved, watch the builder and the subs. Make sure things get done to your satisfaction. Tell your builder when you find somehting wrong. You will be living in the house for many years - subs are only in it for a few weeks. Watch them like a hawk!

There were times when I was the only one working on the house - for weeks (I did wired the second floor and did all A/V and security wiring). I was amazed at what I found - roof leaks, incorrect framing, wrong wiring (by the electricians doing the other wiring), incorrect fireplace installs, lot's of stuff.

Get back in there! You are on the home stretch.

Best of luck.

I could have written this post! I disagree with some of the replies above. I do not think that builders notice when someone has become disinterested and so move on to other jobs...especially in your case- I mean, you're still going to the job site EVERYDAY...that would not send a disinterested message (even if it is what you are feeling). I also disagree with the recommendation to not go to the site everyday...I think you should go each day and more if they are making mistakes. However, I do think that a real vacation may be warranted. You may need some time away to just recharge. If it makes you feel any better...our contract had our completion date as May 23, 2007 (builder said it would take 6 months, we had an additional 3 months built in as a buffer...we obviously didn't make that date either). We anticipate that we will actually finish up sometime close to Thanksgiving. I'm cautiously optimistic that we will be able to celebrate the holiday season in our new home. I am not disinterested right now...I am mainly annoyed, frustrated, and quite honestly, amazed, that the majority of subs and vendors that I have worked with over the last year manage to make a living in this industry when they are so pitifully incompetent and lazy. I'm not knocking any of the trades in general...this is a specific complaint about the subs/vendors which my GC has employed.

What a great group of people here!

kats: thanks for another saying for my wall:

"you can realistically only strangle your GC once"

And now I can play a little fun game of: Is this incident bad enough to play my final trump card over? Plus, I can substitute different people for GC. (Banker; architect; a particular sub; a new neighbor; a particular nosy, dream-squashing relative.) Oh, the fun will never end!

I often refer to our build as the "life-sucking monstrosity". Three plus years have taken its toll on my health, my waistline, my patience and my marriage.

You can hate your build as much as you like, but remember that your house is a HUGE finacial investment and if things are done incorrectly, it can have very, very costly ramifications.

Sometimes you just have to buckle down, grit your teeth and 'get 'er done' whether you feel like it or not.

This too shall pass.

Because appearances and perception can sometimes be misleading, I would try to set up 2-week checklists with the builder. Instead of your visits being like a disappointing spin on the "wheel of fortune", you could instead keep that checklist going forward where you'll be able to have realistic expectations. Maybe even 1 week lists would be good.
"What can we expect to see accomplished this week?"
"Will any particular sub/trade/area of build be completed this week?"
"What's our biggest challenge for the next week?"
"What unexpected things occurred this week that threw us off schedule?"

You'll maintain that critical rapport with the GC and establish expectations that are based on something more than guesses, hopes or desires. Anticipation is a killer. If you keep the communication going but are still continually let down, at least you'll know that your urge to kill someone is justified.

Disinterest? More like apathy due to mind numbing exhaustion.

Here, this will make you feel better. We've been building ours for 3 years. We're building ourselves. Want to know how many bouts of disinterest I've had? Lots of them. Just yesterday was saying for the umpteenth time, I wish we hadn't started this house so late in life. Today, I'm happy again. Have you picked out all our furniture, linens, etc. for the new house? Spend lots of time "window shopping" looking at all the new and pretty things. That's sure to make you feel better. It does me, just talking about it. LOL

I get disinterested "once a month" just like clockwork. LOL, if you know what I mean.

Yep, I could of written this post too!

Last night DH and I had a big blow up because he was out of town for a while and came back to see little progress as usual. We fought because I didn't want to talk about it. He said I just want to bury my head in the sand and he's right. I don't even want to think about it anymore.

My problem is that I really have terrible anxiety when I worry about things I have no control over. I'm a very organized person and I don't leave anything to chance but I have no control over my builder or his subs.

Oh sure, we could fire him but where would that leave us? Every time DH has one of his "talks" with the GC, he (the GC) ends up getting "sick" for a few days and a week goes by with no work. We have extended our loan for another three months and I'm not even sure that's going to get it done. So, completely counter to my personality, I go look at the lack of progress everyday and hope it all works out.

Kelly,
Don't stress, it WILL all work out. But, I wish there was some magic pill (or ramming rod) to get these GC's moving. We have to be out of our home June 22nd!. So, of course DH had a long talk with GC. For the first fews days there were 12 trucks (workers) at our site. But for the last 2 days there's only been GC and other guy just there working on their own backhoe. For 2 days NO ONE has worked on my house!!!

But repeat after me....
Don't stress, it WILL all work out. Don't stress, it WILL all work out. Don't stress, it..../

i have had to really control myself when discussing issues with the builder because I know it can backfire. learned that from reading many posts on GW.

the way i have approached it is that i bin things into 3 buckets a) gotta be addressed right now, b) needs to be addressed - but wait for the right time , and c) address at the end - cosmetic issue.

Very few things make it into the A bucket. And when an items does pop up, I am very careful about how I approach the builder. I am always pleasant - even when I am fuming mad. I try to figure a way to let the builder save face "oh, the electricians kinda let us down here" even if I knew it was his direction that caused the issue.

If I am steaming, i wait until I cool off before I call the builder. This is very hard for me - I got 1/2 italian and 1/2 german oil in me. Had to do the same with DW - when she get's frustrated about the house progress.

So far - it has worked very well. I have only had to pull on the handle twice. The first time was at the beginiing - after a 4 week delay in the foundation being dug. I had to wait until there was no reason for excuse (we had all the permits, we had good weather, we had all the plans - everything was in place). I waited long enough - then I called. I explained to the builder that we were concerned that something was wrong. Was there anything we needed to do to help? Within 3 days after that call - digging started.

The second time I pulled on the handle was when the siding started - then the guys disappeared for a week (my limit). This was after the electricians had been pulled away for 2 weeks - back again for 1.5 days - then off again - then back on again (drove me nuts!) and we were a month behind schedule for drywall. Again - I waited until there was no room for excuse. All of my work was done (I did some wiring), the electricians were done, we had all the inspections. Called to ask the builder if he knew that his subs were not on the job for a wekk (like he would not know why) and was he ware of that. "I love the work they are doing - great job - but the Tyvec is starting to rip away from the wall" Day later - siders were back on the job.

I think timing for raising issues and the approach to interacting with the builder is key. If you pull on the handle to often, or yell and scream - you will go further down on the priority list. My builder always answers my calls or emails - because I never yell or scream at him. I am always very calm about working through issues. It's a very professional working relationship. But I have had to work very hard at it too.

I have learned, and finally accepted the fact, that we are not the only project the builder has (even though we think ours is the most important of course) and that stuff happens. There are a lot of dependencies in the many tasks required to build a house - and if one thing slips on any job - it can have a big ripple affect on everyone. Builders like to use the same subs they have counted on for years - these subs have schedules to. There are life issues (builders mom passed away), weather issues, car accidents - crap happens.

This has been very mentally and phyically draining. Learned a lot about diplomacy - which is not my strength.
I know it will get done in time.

Well, my builder almost fired us -- me in particular -- today because of communication issues. Long story short, I offended the builder by sending an email with pictures of tile mistakes made at the house. That, on top of a week of my raising issues with the tile install on almost a daily basis. Had I had the sage advice above about picking the correct moment for raising issues, I might have avoided this. Raising them in a nightly phone message to the builder certainly isn't the way to go!!!

Yes, the builder overreacted and I have every "right" to document all mistakes on the build ... BUT I have to realize that this is the only builder that I want building our home and I have to be sensitive towards him. Also, my being an attorney makes him skeptical of trusting me. He accused me of building an evidentiary file against him. I assure you I'm not. I want this to be as smooth as possible, but also built to my expectations.

He gave us three options: (1) terminate the contract, we pay him for the costs incurred thus far and we find a new builder to finish the house; (2) terminate the contract, we walk away, and he finishes the house as a spec to be sold on the open market or (3) work out a better way to communicate. I promised not to make nightly phone calls, never to email again, and we'll meet at the house every Friday to discuss -- face to face -- any issues with the build. I was granted permission to call in addition to the weekly meeting if I find a significant mistake (akin to a ceiling falling in or a leak in the house). We will also use the weekly meeting to manage my expectations of what will be accomplished the following week. Geez, I hope this works. I'm way too emotionally invested not to see this house through completion and live many, many years in it.

Evidently, I needed to "take a vacation" from this build about a week ago, as my anxiety almost lost us the house.

We are in the final stretch (about 3-4 weeks to go) and I was totally exhausted last week and told dh that we could put a for sale sign on it and walk away. He looked at me with this blank stare. Feeling better this week but you just have to keep on keepin' on. A vacation would be nice but I don't have the energy to drive or fly anywhere so I plan to collapse at home with lots of food (comfort food!) after the move.

sooner

take option 3 - it is reasonable. and by the way - if you see really nice work, you should mention that to the builder. you don't always have to be calling with complaints.

i just saw my pergola/lanai deck masterpiece for the first time today - what a work or art. the cuts on the 8 sided roof were perfect, inside and out. and to top that - the carpenters cleaned up the entire first floor of the house which was an absolute mess. i let the builder know what an awesome job it was.

if you have the guy you want building the house - and he is going a good job - but perhaps not at the pace you would like - see it through. if the guy was doing a crappy job, then you might take option 1 or 2

good luck!

soonermagic,
I loved your comment about them laying 8 tiles. We are on month 10 and we have been watching them lay 8 tiles a day (probably 3 days a week) for over a month. About 5 weeks actually. I have honestly used the exact phrase "8 tile daily maximum" What is the deal?? DH and I are at a point where we aren't so much disinterested, we plain hate and dispise the entire process. I think the worst part is finding the workers sitting on the porch doing nothing or my personal favorite, finding the pool company employees sound asleep on my porch. I got a picture of that one. I feel your pain.

Sandy

Wow, I'm so surprised by some of the responses here and I really feel bad for those with builds that are just dragging out.

I haven't experienced any disinterest, in fact, totally the opposite. We had been living in a 1946 house since 1999 where 2 people couldn't even fit in the dinky kitchen. I wouldn't even invite friends over because I was too embarassed over all the plaster cracks etc - it was just UGLY. Knowing what we are getting has been the only upside versus what we had, has really been a motivator for me.

But then, we haven't had the build delays or GC problems either which I'm very surprised at since we are in a city that is absolutely BOOMING for RE right now. As an example, the next door neighbor sold his house last fall and listed it for $175,000...it sold for $210,000. This spring we are still making record monthly MLS sales.

Best wishes that your builds come along and that you finally can be happy with the final product.