This is where the rubber hits the road for your marriage vows - big time. For both of you. Regardless of the smaller logistical questions (e.g. how far is too far? how much money is too much?) the bigger question must always be: can I/we do this and still keep our marrige strong? Some couples might be able to, others wouldn't. Only you and your husband know where you are in this season of your lives together. I agree with most of the other posters, but do want to offer one thought that differs from one of them: Choosing to put your marriage first - even if it means waiting a few years to go to college - is not "selling yourself out." It's investing in your future with your husband. Through the years of our marriage, my husband and I have had various moments where one of us has had a great opportunity come up. Sometimes one of us will give up what's most comfortable or desirable for us in order to see the other grow and be happy. Sometimes one of us will choose not to pursue a desire we have (a "dream" if you will) for the sake of the other. When my husband makes a sacrifice for the sake of my happiness, there is no more humbling gift that he can give me, and it only makes me want to do the same for him in return. In the long run, a marriage is built on the many moments of give and take that two people share with each other. When my husband went back to school a few years ago, he did so with the promise that if it ever became too stressful on our marriage he'd give it up. There were many hard moments, but just knowing he'd be willing to go that far for me made me more willing to stick it out. Eventually he finished and we were both happy. A healthy, long-run marriage can never be built if each person is focused only on putting himself or herself first. One last thought: my husband is very good at looking at options that aren't openly apparent at first, and that's been very helpful for us when we reach a crossroads or a major decision like the one you're talking about (for example, do you have to do this now, or could you wait a couple of years?). There may be creative solutions that you haven't yet considered, so I encourage you to ask others who know you both well for their input, too.

So my 2 cents. First, on the importance of good schools. As a professor I hate to admit that I have too little impact on the education my students receive. For a few students I make an incredible difference, but for the majority of students their education is determined by the capabilities, motivation and abilities of their peers. Most instructors, even adjuncts and graduate students, will teach to the level of the class over time. Every teacher sucks their first time teaching, there is simply no other way to so clearly expose the gaps in your understanding than to stand in front of a room full of smart college students. I worked harder to close those gaps than I ever did working, most instructors do the same. The benefit of good schools is that it surrounds good students with good students, and allows a higher level of teaching. Now having said all of that - what is a good education? On the surface it may seem easy to define, but it is really not. For a smart, motivated student a good education might mean exposure and mastery of complex concepts and skills. For a smart but unmotivated or uninterested student a good education may also require a personal connection and/or inspiration. For a not so smart but incredibly hard working student a good education may also need personal attention or patience. In all of these situations an education is transformative but they all have different requirements and there are many more student types. Second, on school choice. As a whole parents are bad judges of both schools and their kids. I am sorry to say that on a visit to a school, your kid will have a much better idea how they fit into a school than you do. Parents in general all think better of their kids than is true, and that is not bad, it is one of the great things about being a parent. Parents also often look at the end result of a school and forget the path to get there. To Snidely I submit there is no need for your kid select from a few pre-screened schools, if you have done a good job for the first 17 - 19 years, then he is already going to pick a good school he fits into. If you screwed up those years then limiting the selection is the least of your worries. Next, on faculty jobs. I find this often gets painted with a broad brush when, in fact, the truth is pretty simple. Oddly enough, the degrees that struggle to find gainful employment in their degree have an abundance of PhD's. Many of the highly employable degrees don't have anywhere near enough PhD's who are searching for jobs. There is an incredible shortage of Accounting PhD's, I suspect that the same holds for the engineering disciplines, architecture, etc. The truth is that people tend to hide out in education when they can't get a job, that can go a long way to explaining why there are so many PhD's in certain areas. Finally, on instructor qualifications. There is a giant problem in education today at many of the research institutions (but the effects are felt system-wide), and it has nothing to do with the qualifications of the instructors. The problem is that professors are driven to research, that the only path to permanency is research, it drives your pay and gives you credibility or notoriety. Students become an afterthought at best, and at worst students are distraction from our real goals. I went to an awards banquet when I first started teaching, where I was lamenting the fact that at times my job was absolutely heartbreaking, to watch good kids try incredibly hard and still fail is rough. The guy sitting at the table with me, who is a fairly prolific researcher, shrugged and said he didn't care at all. He doesn't even attempt to know their names, and said that he taught because somebody told him in order to get paid he had to teach a few times a year. So he teaches, he doesn't grade the homework or the exams, someone else does, he just shows up and lectures so he can get back to the research that is his real job. He is the problem in universities today. In accounting we value ethics above most other things. I don't understand how we can ethically take money from students and then refuse to even care if they get a value for it. It is a huge sore spot with me, I fight this fight all the time, and yet I know I am tilting at windmills. Private schools can avoid this problem but often they are not seen as the best jobs. It is sad because it should be the other way around. Oddly enough, I think we overvalue PhD's. A PhD doesn't help me teach students, in fact, if people were allowed a close up view of study in PhD program, most would question the usefulness of anyone having a PhD to teach. Most PhD specializations are so esoteric or at such a deeper level of understanding that they are simply unrelated to the classes taught. Also, PhD programs focus on research methodology far more than deeper knowledge of the material. Just to see what I mean I will link the University of Texas at Austin PhD program, this is not my school and it is a very good school but look over the classes in the PhD and tell me how that will help me teach either undergraduates or graduates. Accounting PhD So again - just my 2 cents.

This is a subject that is dear to my heart.The back story: My DH grew up in SW Virginia, where so many males were coal miners. He was the 12th of 13 children. He "knew" he was not meant to be a coal miner. He "knew" he was meant to be a school teacher. WWII was on the horizon. As soon as he graduated High School, with excellent grades, he enlisted. Fast forward.. We met very casually when I was in my senior year of High School, far distant from where he grew up. He told me what his plans were for the future; that he would be a school teacher, primarily History, Government, Economics. We were married in 1944 and he was sent to the Philippines. War ended, he was discharged. With help from the GI Bill and working, it took 10 years, but when he passed away in 1982, he was still teaching at our local High School, the head of his department, loved by his students. having turned down Administrative positions. I've said that to say this: I believe that many of us are born with an inner talent (call it genetics maybe) for something, be it a teacher, doctor, carpenter, mechanic, or whatever. I don't believe that every child born into the world needs a college degree. And yet many parents are determined to scrimp and save so they can pay for their child's college years. And then there are the young kids who spend their collge time partying on Spring Break, or worse, in the case of the girls who end up in the news and discovered kidnapped, and murdered. I'll get off of my soap box now. Sue

I only have 2 children, a 14 yo girl & 17 yo boy...and we have 3 bedrooms & a playroom upstairs (master is down.) My son's room has its own bath, but we actually added another door so it also opens to the playroom. So glad we did this! Our daughter has a Jack & Jill with the guest room. She has her own very large vanity with a sink and drop down counter area where she can sit & apply makeup. Her large, walk-in closet in is this dressing area as well. There is a door to the shared toilet/tub area, which of course connects to the vanity area of the guest room. The guest room vanity is much smaller, a single, and the guest room closet is just a small walkin in the actual guest room, not the vanity area. If we had 2 teen girls sharing this set up, the one in the guest room would definitely get the short stick! Since we custom designed our plan & knew we were only going to have the 2 children, our set up works just fine. Dd was 8 when we built, and we knew the teen years were coming. Teen girls just have so much crap! Personally, if I were you...I'd make the two older ones involved in the process. I bet they would prefer sharing a J&J to having a hall bath. Make sure they understand you are not getting involved in any fights & that they have to figure out a system. It will be good practice for college where many dorms have this type of set up now. The little ones can have the hall...and when your littlest dd becomes a teen, the other girls will be adults & she can have the J&J to herself!