This is not so much landscaping as Decision-making 101. You have created a nice space there that looks like it meets your recreational and social needs beautifully. If you want to add a flower bed of some sort now, it is less an aesthetic decision as it is another one of supporting an activity that you want to do. It's not much different from placing the pool - you want certain light, heat, and viewing conditions. It mostly depends on what kind of plants you want to grow. If you wanted to grow ferns and other shade plants, you would be looking at the treed area of the yard. As it sounds like you want sun plants, you should be looking at the sunnier areas. That can be more complicated than it sounds since the sun varies through the year and with whether your trees are leafed out. Spring-flowering plants enjoy sun in spring, and then can tolerate shade once the trees leaf out, for instance, and summer-flowering plants like it in summer so need to be out of the shade of the trees. Read about the plants you like, in books or online, and about the conditions they need. Then see where in the yard you can provide them. A basic gardening book will teach you a bit more about making beds and planting, pruning etc. It is getting a bit late to plant for this year unless you can regularly water and maybe keep roots of newly planted things cool with stones. Karin L

What a touching and loving thing for you to do; your husband is a very lucky man. I too am not from your area but would think some of the smaller tea roses like Westside Rose Cream Tea would be wonderful; it blooms all the time and is bushy with lovely large blooms. There are wonderful climbers like Reve d'Or which bloom practically all the time. Cl. Pinkie is a darling rose you might consider. I hope that people from your area will chime in to help you with this wonderful project. The old roses like teas, Chinas and noisettes are beautiful and romantic, and will actually do better than many modern roses in terms of vigor and disease resistance. Chamblee's is a good on-line vendor in your part of the country. Have a look at their site and find some things you like and then you can always come back to the forum to ask advice about these. This is a wonderful project you're undertaking and we'd love to help you make it something beautiful, something your wonderful mother-in-law would have appreciated, and a peaceful spot for your husband to spend time being with her. Ingrid

Has MIL always been lazy or is it possible that she is just deeply depressed? By this point, everyone else close to her age that she ever knew is probably dead so she may feel she has no one to talk to that really understands her. Plus, in my experience, people of that generation have a deep NEED to be needed and they get depressed when they feel worthless and a burden on others. Problem is that depression makes it harder for the depressed person to WANT to do anything so they actually become more of a burden on others... which makes them feel even worse about themselves. You might try figuring out some things that your MIL CAN do and then asking her to do them FOR you. Even if it is just the simplest of tasks like stirring something on the stove while you prep the rest of the dinner. Or setting the table. (Even with a walker, if you put the stacks of dishes/glassware/etc on the table, she can set everything out properly) Or dusting...easy enough to do with one of those lightweight dusting wands. Or maybe she could teach you how to make some signature dish that she used to make? Does she make her own bed? Pick up her own room? Do her own laundry? If not, do you think she is physically and mentally capable of doing these things? Don't assume that using a walker makes a task utterly impossible. I've seen determined old folks who use walkers continue to do a very wide range of activities. Motivation is the key. Try presenting the tasks as things you NEED for her to do FOR YOU. IF she feels that you NEED the help, she may rally to do things that she "doesn't really feel like doing" because DUTY is a huge motivator for those born back before the depression. Really, it doesn't matter what you get her doing, as long as she feels like she has been a help to you, she'll probably begin to perk up. My 83 y.o. father just moved in with me a couple of weeks ago and is still recuperating from major surgery. So I've been doing EVERYTHING for him. This morning he got up clearly depressed. My youngest brother and his two pre-schoolers were here for Christmas and just left yesterday so that probably had something to do with Dad's depression. Nevertheless, I decided there was no way I was going to let him sit around all day feeling sorry for himself. So, after breakfast, I said "Dad, I've got about a jillion things I need to do today iand nowhere near enough time to get them all done. Do you think you could help me out by taking care of all the laundry?" We had several loads just of sheets and towels from having had company. Dad jumped right in. I showed him how to run the washer and dryer than the two of us Went around and pulled all the sheets off the beds and gathered up all the towels and other laundry out of all the bathrooms. I figured I'd have to do the sorting but Dad started in and it was clear that he knew what he was doing so I left him alone to do it. Laundry room is right next to the TV room so he watched football and did laundry pretty much all day....even hung things up on hangers and folded up the fitted sheets, etc. When I started fixing dinner, he came in and asked if there was anything he could do to help! That's the first time he's offered to help since he's been here. And it is obvious that his mood is about a thousand times brighter than it was 8 hours ago. Plus, I actually managed to get a few things done that I've been postponing for weeks because I've been waiting hand and foot on Dad. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we try a bit too hard to "take care" of our aging parents,

I agree with collen, moving would be my first option. If that's not possible, unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do. Even if your DH were to say something now, it's gone on so long there would be mutiny. They are not going to change how they've done things for so long, just because you want it... believe me, I've beaten my head against that wall. I would say to focus on your child and leave DH to deal with his kids and mother. This is THEIR problem, not yours. What you DO have control over... YOU choose what you want to do for his kids... and his mother. If DH is gone & MIL has something to do, be busy. Do not be her backup babysitter. You have the right to say no, you're busy. If they call to see what's for dinner, don't tell them. Say, "I haven't decided yet. Are you going to eat here or not?" and do not play the game. It's a blessing if grandma feeds them... saves on your food bill & less work for you, cooking & clean up. You aren't going to change them but you can learn to assert yourself to take some control over YOUR life. They are treating you like a doormat & the biggest problem I see here is that your husband is allowing it. The least he can do is back you up when you decide to back off and leave it to grandma. If he can't cut the apron strings... well, he needs to decide if he is your husband or their mama's boy? He can't be both. It's one thing to have a relationship with the parents, but when you are married & have a family of your own, that comes first. And do not allow her to come into your house to "check" anything. Lock your doors if you have to. And I'm sorry that they ignore your son but to be honest, why would you want your son to have much to do with them? They seem a little overbearing & nuts... as for gifts, it's hard but not much different than when the other bio parent buys something for them. A good life lesson of life is not fair and not everything needs to be equal. Your son is probably at an advantage because he doesn't have such crazy people as part of his family.