I would think that once a week would be a minimum!

Can you qualify to get help where an aide will come in on a regular basis to bathe, shampoo and dress her? Can you afford to do so?

I agree with Westelle. Once a week is the norm for most elderly women. I know this from my mother and the two assisted living facilities she lived in. It was the norm for all the ladies to have weekly appointments with the in-house beautician.

Even when my mom moved into the memory care wing, all the women still kept their weekly appointments with the hairdresser. They got their hair washed, dried, set in old-fashioned curlers, and combed out. A hefty layer of hairspray kept them good to go for another week. They also got hair cuts & perms, along with nails & toenails taken care of (cutting, shaping, & polish).

I'm from the once a day, no more than every two days, shampoo camp. But my mother and her contemporaries didn't share that philosophy. Once a week was OK with them. But letting hair go longer than that would be a bit too much.

Westelle has a good idea. When my mom was living with us, we had someone come in to help with her daily hygiene. My mother-in-law lived in an independent retirement apartment for many years. But before moving into the assisted living section, she ended up having someone come in once a week to help her bathe & wash her hair. It might be worth your while to see if you could get some help.

Another thought: consider a shorter haircut for your wife. Many older women prefer short hair because it's so easy to take care of. It's easy to shampoo and doesn't require a lot of blow drying to fluff up or those dreaded curlers or hot irons.

My mom never went that route because she always wanted a head full of white/gray curls framing her face. Perhaps your wife is the same and a short cut would be too stressful for her.

But you could ask her regular hairdresser to cut a bit more off every time she has a perm. And gradually, over a period of months, her hair might get short enough to easily manage.

My mother-in-law has very short hair, and it's also permed. All it requires is washing and towel drying. Just a bit of a hair pick and she's done. Up until last year, she was physically able to do it herself. Now she has an aid to help her with bathing.

I don't think it will hurt a thing if it is dirty. I don't wash mine routinely, just when I see it needs it. It is her dirt, no one else has to use it.

A nurse just told me about this a few minutes ago.
Rinseless Shampoo
Good reviews. Might be a easy out - time money stress etc.
I'll add it to my list of alternatives.

Here is a link that might be useful: Rinseless

This post was edited by mxyplx on Tue, Sep 9, 14 at 14:32

My MIL wore a disgusting wig. she rarely washed it or her head. She would spray her favorite perfume on her wig. It stunk. When we had to move her from her home, we slowly replaced the wig with a trip to the beauty salon. She came to like that treat. Though she would always ask about her beloved wig. It finally became lost and she quit asking. Her son would take her to her appointment and out to lunch. It was a fun day with her son. Can't say he liked it. But they spent time together. Her hair always looked nice at least one day a week. After each appointment she would comb it out to suit her. so we just let her. At least her head was clean. She is gone now and my DIL asked if she could throw away the wig that was hidden in the trunk of her car.
Mary

Onceta week seems to be the concensus. The hair lady just now phoned and we are tentatively going to schedule a hair wash for every Wednesday. First try tomorrow. You may be interested to know that unbeknown to me this has been a joint problem solving effort among my wife's sister and the ladies at the hair salon all of whom have known each other since year one. Like family now. I'm a bit overwhelmd. They all just love her. Everybody does really. She is so sweet and etc and has always been super popular. Even as far gone as she is she still works her magic.
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They seem to think the rinseless shampoo will gum up. My concern is that it would clean the hair but not the scalp.

Thanx for helping my momentum.

I totally forgot about all the rinse-free bathing products. I used them when my husband came home from over a week in intensive care. They do work well and can be found at most drug stores. I also forgot that I used them every once in a while when my mom lived with us. And a couple of years ago, my son-in-law broke his leg and had to have surgery and couldn't get around for about a month. I bought him some of the stuff, and he used it until he could maneuver his protected cast in the shower.

So that's a great option. I think you're on the right track.

Waiting six weeks for a shampoo is too long, in my estimation. My mom did that once when she was in a stubborn mood. She got mad at the assisted living beautician and wouldn't keep her weekly appointments. Then she complained to high heaven about how her last perm wasn't done correctly because she had no curls. After over a month of griping, I finally took her to another salon. It was actually pretty funny. Once the hairdresser got her hair washed, all her curls returned. They had disappeared under the weight of a month's worth of grease & dirt & perspiration.

I will get some rinse free stuff and try it on myself. Might be a good thing to have in reserve.

When DH was last released from hospital they sent a bag of no-rinse products home with us. I've never used a one of them. What's the point of 'washing' if nothing ever gets rinsed away!? The thought of such just gives me the creeps.

I'm glad to read that your - now weekly - trip was a success. Wine and conversation too? Sounds like a good hair dresser to me!

I agree. Sounds like a bargain too!

The "rinseless" products have improved tremendously since their introduction several decades ago.

There is an on-site hairdresser who works on a contract basis, two days a week, at the facility where my MIL lives. She resisted shifting from her old hairdresser, but finally got used to it - dementia means change is hard for her - so all is well. She goes every two weeks, we can't get her to do it any more often. It isn't worth the arguing; but longer than two weeks and she starts to smell. She gets a weekly shower with assistance but avoids wetting her hair, so we have to be content with that.

All the retirement facilities are really worried about the Boomers, who have very different habits than their parents. We shower at least every other day - fully, including hair - and sometimes every day.

My DH asked me if his mom could have a haircut and perm like mine, because I never fuss much with my hair. I told him his mom thinks $20 is too much for a haircut and won't pay more than $30 for a perm. I pay mine $175 for both, every 4-5 months. She would totally freak if she knew how much I pay.

Conversely, we save a lot of money on his hair, because I cut it. Even my hairdresser, who trained with Vidal Sassoon back when the guy actually cut hair and not just stuck his name on haircare products, admits I do a great job. It just takes me longer than it would take her to do it!

mxyplx my heart goes out to you. I hope the hair washing is working out for you both.

I was a beautician & any perm should easily last 3 mos so she is getting the perms way too often. I have friends that get perms & they last about 3 months so 6 weeks is taking advantage of a client(patron-your wife) Hair should not be washed for 3 days after a perm or you relax the curl & it will get straight too soon. Most older folks heads sweat at times if they get overheated, wear heavy crocheted or woolen caps on their heads(or wigs) & the head can get very smelly- I call it old people smell. I know some people get used to it on their spouse or on themselves & no longer notice it or could be their sense of smell is terribly diminished. I was called to hospital or nursing home in the past as you have to be licensed to cut hair & wash it in CA. Some hair smelled really bad, relatives never mentioned that, probably to be polite to their relative or they had gotten used to it. I think caregivers appreciate taking care of folks with clean hair(& showered) I received many compliments about how good my dad smelled & what a pleasure it was to care for him. Also a clean head has another advantage as not nearly as likely to get infection from scratching their head & breaking open the fragile skin. A clean head just makes a person more comfortable & even if your wife can't express it I'm sure she would not want to smell around her friends. You are a wonderful hubby to care about her & take this step. About hair length if she usually wore it fairly short about to the neck or inch below then that is probably what she would prefer. 3 to 5 inch long hair is easier to keep looking nice & with a perm & weekly washing all she should need is just a comb or brush threw it to look presentable. If you don't remember how long she wore it few years ago Just look at pics of her.

Right on, Sunny. Great post!

Feminin hygene - Ah the mystery that is Woman revealed. And what man really wants to know?
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The whole process takes less than an hour. Her sister (90) wants to help and take her to the shop. That would take even longer since she is a talking machine and I know they'd sit there and BS about all the local people they know for years back. My poor SW would just sit there. Probly less stress on me and her if I take her.

She gets a perm every 12 weeks and a haircut every 12 weeks alternatively. My concern is for scalp health and that seems to be solved. As for what she used to look like it is ironic. Her hair is naturally straight but she prefers it permed up. When we first married occassionally she would let the perm go and as her hair got straighter the more striking she looked and everybody liked it and we all begged her to just let it go. Nope.

Maybe 2-3- years ago I found a big pic of her at age about 20 maybe 18 probly HS grad pic. WOW!!!!! Long straight hair shoulder length maybe a bit more. Hollywood - no other description. We subsequently found some small copies and all the kids now have one which they treasure. They never really saw her that way...me either since she was 40 when we met.

But to top that off she is and always has been the sweetest person, very popular and everybody just loves her. I have her in day care twice a week and they all love her, even the bus drivers.

She is a lucky lady to have you & I'm sure you feel lucky to have her after what you just said! That's love!! I meant pics of her with a perm & fairly recent when she knew what she wanted! You don't really want to go back do you-well we all would I guess for little while but I lost my wonderful guy 29 yrs ago last month. He had MS didn't know it but wheelchair was probably going to be in pic soon, God took him fast at work fell backwards with heart attack. Dr. I talked to said he was dead before he hit the floor so that was blessing. We all would like to relive some good times but of course not the bad times when illness, loss or disasters happened. Glad you have a sweetheart in all ways. I know some folks in their old age who are very difficult to deal with. Love her everyday by hugs & sweet kisses so she always knows you are there even if she doesn't know for sure who you are, you have a treasure & now she will be prettier & yes you should take her, after all I'll bet the ladies enjoy seeing you too!