Thank you for that prayer, Toni! It was lovely! Happy Mothers day to all of our Mothers in fact, Mothers in waiting and Spiritual Mothers, and even to our male "moms". You are all very precious and very appreciated! Giving birth to a child does not make one a mother, it is love, attention, caring and devotion that does that. Being a mother is holding them close when they hurt or are fearful, laughing and crying with them, knowing when to let go and knowing how to let them come home again, even if just for a few minutes. It is support, cheerleading, playing the 'bad guy' when needed, encouraging them to grow, and try new things, even when all we want to do is keep them close. It is accepting the decisions they make for their lives, not grudgingly, but with love and understanding, even when those choices are not ones we would have made for them. It is loving where they love... and standing back and not getting in the middle. It is giving our opinion, then stepping back to let them be the person they choose to be. And it's even standing to the side and letting them deal with the consequences, good or bad, of the decisions they make. It is being there for them, even if the consequences are deserved. Blessings to all of you who have faced or will face these challenges and who do so with love, because a Mother's job is never done. Kathy Kathy

I've spent a few days in court lately, unfortunately (my husband is a victim & witness) in a case that keeps getting postponed. I'm sorry, but if the judge is anything at all like the one we've been observing, I wouldn't be so sure. We saw a guy get over a $1000 in assorted fines plus community service for shoplifting $21 worth of merchandise. If the 'victim' wants to press charges, the judge may have no discretion but to follow the law and impose the required penalties. You say you've got a drs appt. for her--that's good, and I'd make sure that she gets to the dr. and you have a diagnosis in hand (if there is one along the lines of dementia) before going to court, but I'd strongly recommend that you see your lawyer for a couple of things. First and foremost, you HAVE to have her properly represented in this case, and secondly, if she is becoming incapable of handling her own affairs, there are legal steps you need to take--if she'll sign a financial and medical POA, that will help. If she's unwilling, you may have to go for guardianship. Either way, you're describing a parent who needs some supervision--for her own health and safety. As to what will happen with the dr? Since she hasn't been in some time, apparently, she's going to need a complete physical. In the office, he'll probably check her blood pressure, pulse, etc. He probably will send her for bloodwork and possibly a urinalysis--to check for things like diabetes, UTI infection (which can in the elderly, ape dementia and create a lot of confusion), high cholesterol, etc. He's probably going to ask her questions that are designed to indicate her mental acuity--unfortunately, there's no actual test (bloodwork, X-Ray, etc) for dementia. He may prescribe one of the medications that are helpful in slowing (but can't cure) dementia. You're going to want to make sure that you have yourselves listed as people the dr. can legally talk to (HYPPA), and you're going to want to make sure that one of you always accompanies her so that you understand and follow the drs instructions. As I've been through a lot of this with my mom, aunt and MIL (various health/elder issues)--I'd suggest that it's probably time to consider having at the very least, some help in several days a week. Home health aids--good ones, at least--are worth their weight in gold. They help with personal needs like bathing, will do laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping--and most importantly, visit. They're an extra pair of eyes to help catch minor problems before they become major issues. Depending upon your mom's eventual diagnosis, health aids may be covered by her insurance/medicare. But even if they aren't, they're worth the price. It may be, that the time is coming when you may have to make the decision that mom needs assisted living or nursing home care. Know that's not what any of us want to face, but it's better to start looking around before you need one, than to wait until the need is critical. Being prepared ahead of time, is going to take a lot of stress off your shoulders when that time comes. I know you're going through a lot right now--but you're going to learn a lot about yourself--you're going to find strengths you didn't know you had. You're going to redefine your relationship with your mom--and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just hang in there, and get through a day at a time, make sure the first things you handle are mom's immediate health issues and her legal woes. Good luck with all that.

Well, I have to give credit when due.... BM did pay me for the dentist tonight. DH thinks she's afraid of me. I'll feign innocence because I don't think I'm intimidating at all. She towers over me and I guess because I don't back down from her and she's told my DH that to do the job I do, you have to be tough, she figures I am not someone she wants to mess with? She's walked all over DH for years, so she knows he's taken it and she continues to walk on him. He's stood up to her mostly since we've been together so she blames me for it, but it's really him. I am supportive and back him but he is tired of her crap.. more than I am, he's put up with it for so long. Whatever it is, she walked SD out to the car tonight and I told her I need the money for the dentist bill. She paused and said, 'do you have change for a hundred?' and of course, I don't carry cash. I told her no, but I'll be happy to go down the road, break it & bring her the change. She went back in the house & came out with $46 in bills (mostly $1's) & $2 in quarters. I don't care, it's cash. She was a dollar short but I was shocked she didn't whine about not having any money. (of course I was thinking... hmmm, she has $48 to give me but what about the $100 she wanted me to break? She promised DH $100 last week) He didn't want to ask her in front of SD I guess. I didn't want to push the issue in front of SD and since DH didn't say anything, I let it go too. Now that I think about it, maybe I should have been dealing with her directly every time I pay for her doctor and I could collect from BM instead of having DH send her the bills/receipts and relying on her to pay him to get my money back. She knows I am the one paying for it... but this is the first time I've asked her to pay her half directly to me. I don't care why she paid, just glad she did and no complaints...

Awwwww Karen..I love my "bling" kitty. And my very own cupcake too ! What a sweet birthday gift. Thank you ! Punk, Kathleen,MM and Luvs.. Thank you all ! It was a very good day ! Just wish I could tie a rope around Father Time and tie the other end to a tree.. lol ! The birthdays are coming waaay too fast now ! Thank all of you for my birthday wishes :>) Susan