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new to the forum and could use some advice

10 years ago

My dad has been fighting metastatic melanoma for the past two years. About a year ago he developed a growth in his brain that affected his short term memory and since that time he hasn't been able to drive or make any major decisions. My step-mother has POA for everything now. For almost a year he was in remission, but the cancer is back now and has metastasized to his brain.
While that is hard enough, the real problem is his wife is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with for me and my three younger siblings. We are all grown, have families, etc and none of us lives near my dad and step-mom. She has driven off many of the friends they used to have nearby. She has always been in poor health, but today almost passed out at the grocery store and had to call a friend to take her home. Apparently this has been happening with some regularity, but she didn't talk to her Dr. about it, even now. With Dad legally unable to make his own decisions my sibs and I are really worried about what would happen if she has medical problems. She has always been down with one ailment or another. (Sorry for the venting)
What I really would like is to be listed on all of the necessary documents, should something happen to her, someone will be able to contact me or my siblings so we can make decisions with him. She has been very cagey about sharing any information with us, so I doubt very much that she will just give us POA outright, but I worry that without some sort of safety net we could end up in a horrible situation at some point.
Does anyone have any ideas, or resources to how to handle this?

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