Great update - last Tuesday we were out looking at more houses even as far away as an hour from my office and 30 minutes from DH's (and that's one main reason we want to move is tso get closer to his office) and on a whim we called the builder we've spoken to and he agreed to meet us at a piece of land we had looked at before. The land was OK when we looked at it before but didn't 'speak' to either of us UNTIL.... I was standing on the top of the small dirt road which the property dead ends into and talking to my daughter. We both turned at the same time to look across the street from the land and we realized it has an incredible view, you can see for miles and miles and as the sun was setting behind us everything was sparkling and gold and I got chills and my daughter got tears in her eyes and we KNEW this was it. My DH came out from walking the land and he said this was what he wanted to do even before we told him about our experience. I honestly believe in those gut instincts that tell you when something is right and this was more than RIGHT. I'm sure others had looked at the property and not realized it's potential just as we had but that afternoon I will never forget. The builder said it's a great piece of land, too. I'll share a similar story since I'm in the mood - when my mom moved to Maine about 25 years ago, she had divorced my dad, remarried, went to college at age 50 and moved thousands of miles away. She wasn't sure she'd done the right thing until she went to see her current lake cottage. As she was leaving the drive with the realtor a puff of wind blew the snow from the roof and it sparkled and blew past her and she said it was that moment she knew it was the right thing to do. So... we are now finalzing the contract for the land and have visited again with the builder and I'll have the start of house plans (will be asking for lots of help on here :) starting tomorrow. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts. I know some of you think we should have taken the house but it had so many obsticles and the fact that my son who is only 8 would not be able to play on the road due to the fast and high volume of traffic whizzing past at 60 mph plus several acres of bottom land which would be unusable I know this is the right thing to do. It might have been different if we were in a larger city but we're looking in a very rural area and there just isn't much to choose from. So.... I'm excited and nervous but feeling more positive about this than I have in a long time. Thanks again, Sunny

To the people wanting to know how to find an agent that will devote themselves to selling your home, or helping you find one, you should attend open houses and look at the condition of the home, as far as cleanliness, staging, how professional the flyers look, how the photos look on Realtor.com (since it pulls directly off the mls and updates more often than trulia/Zillow.). Talk to the listing agent (it should be the same person holding the open house) and see if they seem professional, and you have a good rapport with them. If you go into an open house, and see unmade beds/clutter, dirty dishes, baths with wet towels etc, then I would probably not list with that agent. A good agent will show up early to make sure house is presentable. The agents that will give you the most personal attention are probably not the agents with a bunch of listings. Often those agents will tell the seller the house is worth more than it really is, to get the listing, then they do no advertising/no marketing and let it sit and hope someone else either sells it or the seller will get frustrated and reduce the price. Talk to the agents about various neighborhoods/upgrade value, theory on what homes to avoid (most expensive/largest in the neighborhood, for example), types of financing programs available, etc and see if they seem knowledgeable. Browse Realtor.com, and see which agents consistently have good photos, informative write ups. Ask realtors that you interview for references from previous clients, and call them. The other side of having an agent that will go above and beyond to market your home, is realizing that agents can/do refuse listings. I work primarily by referrals. I am picky about what listings I accept. When I go to a listing apt, I will bring comps/photos of comps/history of the homes on the market now (time on mkt/price reductions), examples of the flyers I get done, marketing plan. I will ask seller to let me walk thru the house. If the house is dirty/cluttered, etc, I will tell them what I want done before I list it. I offer staging advice/security advice, and what to clean. Then I will come back to do listing paperwork, and if the items are not done, I don't list it until they are. I usually do only 90 day listing agreements and tell the sellers that the house should be sold in that time period, and if it isn't, they will decide if I have been doing a good job and they want to renew. I also tell them that I will not renew if they haven't held up their end of the bargain, by having the house not show well due to cleanliness, clutter, ease of showing, etc. I expect them to have the house ready to show with reasonable notice. I have my sellers use new (new looking) neutral bath towels tied up in raffia in the baths, and put the towels they use regularly on a hanger that they hang in a closet. That way after they shower, they hang the wet towel up, and it is out of sight. I also have them keep a shoebox/basket in the bath for their toiletries, and have them put it under their sink, out of the way, before leaving for work, so tub/shower area is clear. No dirty dishes left in sink when they go to work. bathroom mirrors should be cleaned each day before they go to work, and sinks wiped out/tubs with no hair/soap scum. Countertops cleaned off. Toilets clean with lids down. Trash emptied. Occasionally there will be a time where I need to show the home without much notice, and I will tidy up as needed. But realtors are not maids, and it shouldn't be a regular thing. I don't want to give the impression that maid service should be included. I've terminated one listing with someone that wouldn't have their house even close to ready to show. I am not wasting money advertising their home, and time showing it, if it looks like crap, and is dirty, cluttered, weedy yard, uncut grass.

A couple of follow up points... A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. A sale today without marketing has real value. You will have access to the equity today and can use that money in the build and you will not have to worry about the difficulty of selling the home. Additionally, a sale without realtor's commission has real value. These two things give you some leeway to make a deal that nets out being better for both parties. You can give a discount because you are getting real value above the traditional sales method and if the buyer is flexible he can also get some real value. However, depending on the financial situation and your local real estate market, it is entirely possible that you will lose money doing this. You note that your house is paid off, but in a rent back situation you are going to have to make rental payments and probably at the market rate. It is entirely possible that given enough time or the right market conditions this will destroy any value you receive. ---- There are other options out there. Residential real estate has relatively few and pretty simple transactions, there are many other sales arrangements out there that are atypical for home sales but fairly standard in commercial real estate. For example, you might do an option contract on the property with a guaranteed sell by date. In that case he would pay you some amount today (usually between 5% and 10%), this secures his right to buy the property at a later date for a set amount. In a residential transaction that payment would probably be a credit toward the purchase if he agrees to complete the sale and would be held in escrow by the attorney. You agree that you will offer the property for sale no later than X date, but may offer the property for sale on any date before that with a 60 day notice (or whatever you are comfortable with). If he passes on purchasing that day he loses the money. Inspections would be done when the option contract is executed and you will have a refund period just like a typical contract but the final home sale wouldn't have an inspection or an appraisal contingency. He can still pull out at any time, he just loses the option payment he made. This protects him from things like a slowdown in the economy or a major loss of value on the home (he only risks the option payment he made), and incentivizes his going through with the sale. It also means you don't have to make rental payments. ----- I used to do options in rental properties quite often. Frankly, I just find the houses that look like they could use some money and offer them a few thousand dollars for the option to match any offers when/if they sell. Nine out of ten times they just call me up and ask for an offer before they even call a realtor and I get multiple properties close together over a period of a few years which really lowers my costs. Note: To relieve my conscience I only make fair offers, I am not trying to take advantage of people and although that certainly costs me money, I do sleep better at night. I despise those people who offer pathetic amounts of money to people in desperate situations.

I suspect that nothing I say will change your mind, however, a realtor for a home build is simply the wrong person for the job. Unless your realtor was formerly a builder then s/he suffers from the exact same information asymmetry problem that you do. A realtor is not qualified to give you advice on a construction contract unless they also happen to be an attorney and I have never seen a realtor who would. In my state a realtor would lose their real estate license for looking over a construction contract. They are allowed to look over production type sales contracts but are not allowed to look at any non-sales type build. I have bought and sold personal and investment properties in several states and have never seen a state where a realtor could advise you on a construction project. You can appoint anyone you want as an agent. However, if you want an agent to deal with a builder then hire a construction manager to advise you. When you go to your doctor's office the clerk who checks you in probably isn't a doctor, the teller at the bank probably isn't a CPA, the security guard at the mall probably isn't an attorney, and your realtor probably isn't a builder. Realtors are good at marketing homes and themselves. I do believe realtors add value to existing home transactions, but they also add transactional friction. In a build there are two keys to success, (1) proper planning and (2) proper communication. Having a realtor stand between you and the builder listening to what you say and then relaying that to the builder is a recipe for disaster in both of those things. Of course, there will be things that the realtor can point to in demonstration of the value they provided, but the question becomes how much friction do they create in the first place? If a realtor creates ten problems and then solves eight, then they can say they saved you money. However, in reality you would have spent less and had fewer net problems without them. I understand that you came here asking one question and ended up getting input on the basis the question was asked on, however, I urge you to consider it, as I believe your assumption is simply incorrect. Your statement about the magnitude of the risk is probably the best demonstration of the faulty reasoning you have. You would be a damn fool to go into a $500k contract believing that your realtor is looking out for you like you're besties.