jalal, fish will eat continuously if there is food there. They do not have stomachs as such, the food is pushed through a long tube like digestive tract, that runs throughout their bodies. In garden ponds, unlike in the wild, the fishes metabolism is slower, so it takes longer for the fish to digest the food we give them. That is one of the reasons that we are cautioned against overfeeding our fish, only giving them what they will consume in three to five minutes, as a rule of thumb. If you see your fish voiding undigested food, then you are feeding them too much at one time. This could cause a blockage in the digestive tract and possibly Swim Bladder. The second problem from overfeeding is the uneaten fish food could rot and pollute the water. I would suggest that you feed your fish a couple of times with mushed up [skins removed] green peas. If they have made gluttons of themselves, the peas will assist in cleaning out their digestive tracts. It is good practice to feed your fish vegetables every week, peas, lettuce, soft broken up carrot,etc, to supplement the vegetable matter they already find in the pond. Experiment and see what they like. "Horton"

Hi Cornflakegirl I don't like the humiliation idea, she doesn't deserve that. You said she was a lovely girl, so treat her as that. Help her with love, and happiness in your voice. I have posted here, about a similar situation with my daughter, and I know how annoying the mess can be, and how frustrated you can get. But you know, I changed my mind about it all, after hearing what people said here. I think in your situation, perhaps you can just go around together, once a day/week/ etc, and just "show" her how a tidy house should be. It just hasn't registered with her how to do this. Go from the angle, that YOU must maintain the standard, that means not putting pads on her pillow ! Things will get better for you both. You have each other, you can work together on this, and she will blossom, and be the lovely daughter that you want, and need. I think a bit of untidiness is okay, and lets face it, her bedroom is her domain, and I think she should be able to have things the way she wants BUT...when its a case of hygiene then you both must stick to the standard. Work together as a team, then she will feel that you are not on her case the whole time. All the best to you, I wish you and your daughter well. Let us know how you get on. POPI

It sounds like you are in a terrible situation. If the 17 and 19 year olds are behaving so badly, is the 14 year old soon to follow? And does your husband really think he is helping his kids by letting them get away with bad behavior? It has been a foundational belief of mine that to have real love you have to have respect. Your husband's kids don't respect him if they treat both of you the way you describe. Kids like to push their parents buttons and see what happens. They are obviously very unhappy or else they wouldn't act the way they do. Encourage your husband to try and view his kids as an outsider would. Then ask him what he sees. Maybe by doing this he can see that he isn't helping them by the way he handles the situation. Even if the kids break off some contact with him, he would be showing them that he doesn't accept the bad behavior, and he needs to gain their respect to have any influence over them in the future. Ask him if he would respect someone who he could walk all over and get away with it. I sure wouldn't! It sounds like you have invested substantial time and emotion into your relationship, and if you can stand it for a few more years, it would be worth it to try. Your husband has probably already lost the two middle kids if he keeps letting them get away with bad behavior. I think it is worth the risk for him to tell his kids to act right or he's not going to be around them. I would guess that their mom wouldn't want them around her all the time with their attitudes either, and they might get the message. You might also remind your husband that he has a 14 year old who is watching how everyone is acting and reacting, and that he has a chance to save his youngest from going down the wrong path like the 17 and 19 year olds. Good luck to you and your family.

You said she wants a bigger desk, you need more information from her about what she wants to do on the desk and store there. Does she need space for filing? Will she be drawing or drafting? Does she need space to put a laptop or does she have a regular computer monitor and screen? Two screens? Does she have a printer too? Other computer paraphernalia? How many feet of bookshelves does she need? Approximately how many feet of drawer space does she need for inside the desk? Will it be for general office supplies, or does she have art supplies too? Approximately how many feet of drawer space does she need for clothing? Does she study and do homework in her bedroom or somewhere else in the house? Does she have friends sleep over so that you really need place for two to sleep in that room? How old is she, what grade is she in, and when she starts college, do you think she will stay living with you, or do you think she will go away? Of course one never can predict the future, but I ask to get an idea how much $$ you might want to sink into this. Firstly I want to tell you that it is marvelous that you are thinking about re-decorating to suit your teenage daughter's preferences and needs. Back to the subject at hand. Bed They often have sleepovers. I have found (and I had one myself) that trundle beds work very well for this (unless you are fortunate enough to have a guest room. I prefer the type of trundle bed where the extra bed is underneath and rolls out on wheels and pops up so the two beds are on the same level. I especially like it when instead of sticking out from the wall, the long axis of the bed is against the wall. You can get the bed with a wooden or metal daybed type upper portion against which to put large comfy thick dense pillows, and it becomes a "sofa" for your daughter and her friend. Even without that frame, you can purchase or have made two large pillows each 1/2 the length of the bed of thick dense foam covered in batting, then muslin, and then a zippered cover of whatever fabric you choose. Get two sets, and make them machine washable! Desk For serious work, especially with a computer, often an L shaped configuration works well, and this is best done in the corner of a room. Even if your daughter works with a laptop almost all the time, she will appreciate a hookup to a second screen at home as that will facilitate report writing. She can have source material on the second screen while she does the writing on her word program on the first screen. It's also just nice to compare two different things at the same time on nice size screens, instead of a split screen image which is small. And sometimes the second screen is best at an angle. from the first screen. Normal desk height is 30 inches. If the windows come down a bit low, you might be able to remove the lower parts of the window (the stool and apron) without affecting the function of the window to allow placement of a desk length. If she is an artist she may need an easel. Or depending on the type of art, she may prefer a drafting table. She may want the type of storage table with many shallow drawers for art supplies. She may want something like that for all her cosmetics and jewelry! There are inexpensive versions of those as well, and you can get one or two of those to tuck under one of the arms of the L. Storage To use space most efficiently, think vertically! In the space between the windows you can put up shelves, or even mount a properly sized bookshelf, so no space is wasted by the triangular brackets. Above the desk there are so many different ways to store things, systems you can make or buy. Look at the IKEA kitchen wall storage units that have attractive bins and baskets that hang from rods. Only instead of using them for kitchen utensils, your daughter can use them for pens and pencils, rulers, staplers, tapes, paint brushes, etc. You can make something yourself out of peg board. There are a myriad of ideas on the internet. Look up do it yourself (DIY) home office ideas, and DIY home office storage. Decor Of course consider your daughter's preferences. I would try to encourage neutrals (such as shades of white) for the large things and use her favored colors for the smaller things, as her tastes may change. A 12 year old may love pink, and by the time she is 14 she may despise it and want orange and by the time she is 15 she may want black! The other advantage of white is that it is washable and often bleachable. The other advantage of light walls is that she can put up any type of poster or wall decor. There are non-stick wall decals that are lots of fun, too, not in the least childish either, and some marvelous easy to put up and take down wallpaper that won't ruin your walls. Good luck!