Sorry to read about your hair problems. I am not a hairdresser by any means - hair challenged if anything. But I owe the state of my hair at almost 56 to not over-processing during the years. I greyed in my 20's (iron grey unfortunately - natural shade being auburn). I single processed it over the years to its natural auburn. Note that I have dry, coarse, naturally wavy, extremely thick "Irish" hair. I did not do highlights - actually hair is porous as it is due to coarseness so I appear to have highlights. What is your natural colour - can't tell from your post if it is indeed blonde. Frankly, I think at age 16 you need to give your hair serious rest. I know you won't want to hear this, but I think the best alternative is to cut your hair - as short as possible to still look feminine and to suit your face shape. The fact that your hair is thin makes over-use of the chemicals harder on your hair. I know a woman my age who also had easy access to hairdressers thoughout her life but at age 50 she was told enough was enough - perms, highlights and drastic changes in hair colour - had taken their toll and basically her hair was toast. I would hate for this to happen to you. I see 8 year old kids at the hairdressers having their hair highlighted - by my age, despite the gentler formulas available these days, hair will not be in good shape. I would start first with the haircut and then work from there. And I would steer clear of the black - if it is too start against your skin now, it will be even more so later in life - many black haired ladies go dark brunette. I too am very pale but with a serious yellow undertone. My sisters inherited the gorgeous Irish blue-black hair - how I wanted it - but during 50s and 60s they peroxided it blonde - well they ruined their hair. Actually they didn't even suit the blonde. I once tried on a black wig and laughed so hard - this is when I realized I had such a yellow undertone so had I been born with the black hair, it would not have suited me. So then I tried on a blonde wig - and I thought the black looked bad. This was during the days when everyone wanted hair like Farrah Fawcett's - but did not have the basic necessity - the proper hair type. I have the proper hair type - but don't suite the colour/styles. I really hope you can sort your hair out - it will take some time - this is for sure - but a year from now things won't seem so bad. Just too bad about your prom - so I would do whatever is necessary to start the fix-up now. When I was 5 I had a Toni permanent - my hair looked like Shirley Temple's before the perm - hairdresser should have refused to do it. Had to have it because my cousin with the straight hair refused to have one unless I had one too. My hair, which had been to my waist had to be cut to about 1 inch in length - while my cousin of course was pleased. I have hated going to the hairdresser ever since. And Saturday is hair dye day - can hardly wait. So best of luck to you - and since it is always on my mind - please watch what you use on your skin as well - take it easy on the acids/retinols as they are not for everybody - especially me.

Some of you that have a child who is developmentally delayed, or looks "different" may understand what I believe could be the mothers motive. Especially because the child is also overweight. Sadly, we live in a society that places a high value on peoples "looks" and an even higher value on whether a child (or an adult for that matter) is "normal"... For someone who has a child who is not "normal" they become sensitive to the "stares" or hurtful comments from not only people they know, but from strangers at a store, or at a restaurant, etc. It hurts. It hurts them to see the world hurt/reject their child. As the child gets older, and begins to lose their toddler/young child cuteness that people will sometimes make allowances for, they may try and make the older child/person more attractive, to not only fit in more, or be more accepted by a society quick to judge not only the "different" older child, but the parent as well. Now that her daughter may well be almost the size of her mother, she may feel that she too is being judged along with her daughter. And so she may be simply trying to make her daughter look more attractive, because she may feel that she (or they both) will be more accepted by others then. Less stared at, or dismissed, or rejected, or less different. And I think that the weight issue plays into this as well. She may be looking at her overweight "different" daughter, and seeing her through the eyes of others. And in trying to alleviate the feelings of shame she may hide, she may be doing what she thinks may make her look more attractive and "normal". I am also going to ask this...do you especially resent seeing your GD hair this color, because it reminds you of her mother who you may not like? And you care for your GD, but not her mother? If your own daughter did the same thing, would it bother you as much? I know that there can be some bad feelings towards a DIL, and I am wondering if you feel critical towards her in general. Please forgive me if I am completely off base, just looking at it from a different perspective, and tossing it out to consider for whatever it is worth.

You look very nice with the brown hair. As a second suggestion to the web site - I would suggest trying on wigs in colours that you are interested in - because the websites don't always take into account your particular skin tone - I know this because I tried it - although it was a few years ago. I have very pale skin with a pronounced yellow undertone. My natural hair shade was auburn which turned iron grey in my 20s so I have single processed it to its natural shade since - I am now 59 - and have made it my mission to not have a purple based red - so far so good. My sisters had the Irish black hair and peroxided blonde in early 60s - big mistake - and I would have loved to have had that black hair. It was only after trying on a black wig that I realized how yellow my skin is - so then I tried on a blonde wig and it was even worse! Yet the computer model didn't show the horrors of it all. I wish I had the beautiful silver grey or white hair that goes so well with a pink complexion - of course I don't have either. So I am sticking with the auburn. But I will let it go iron grey before I colour it what I call "Angela Lansbury Taupe" - my benchmark for the colour I hate the most - on me particularly.

Thank you all! I keep going back and forth on like and not sure. I think after I learn how to fix it my way where it will look a bit messier and less wiggy I'll like it just fine. My son said he thought it made me look a little older. Yikes! So, that is haunting me. I do think it just needs a little rebel Terri touch. Annie you are so lucky to have that hair! PLF, my mom had pretty gray hair. I'm not ready yet but when the time comes it will be nice not to have to put chemicals on my head.