I'm pretty sure she knows that it's way too loud. She doesn't actually believe the maintenance guy is racist, if she does then she needs her head examined. I think she's stalling because she doesn't want to kick out paying tenants. I've actually tried to arrange something with the manager, because my neighbors usually start up around 6:30pm, half-an-hour after the office closes and all-day on Sundays when the office isn't open at all. The problem is, the office is usually closed by the time I get home from work. Tuesdays are the only days I'm home before 6pm and I think they've caught onto my pattern because she's always busy now when I show up and she's off on Saturdays. I've left messages with her assistants but she's totally dodging me. I sent an email to the regional manager last night, I don't have their phone number and can't find it for the life of me. It'll probably be a week or so before I hear anything back. As for my neighbors, they're friends with the people who live next door to them. The guy who lives above them is deaf (I'm not joking he's actually deaf). The woman who lives directly across from them works evenings and doesn't get home until midnight, but she actually told me that she can sometimes hear their television in her living room during the day, but she doesn't want to get involved. I think I can work on her and she might be willing to talk to the manager, if I can ever get a hold of her, but I still don't think my manager will do anything. If the regional manager won't get involved, can I break my lease without shelling out the subsequent fine?

You asked for advice, so I am going to tell you that your responses to your neighbor have been aggressive and provocative. Your reactions to the neighbor have added to the conflict. Your goal should instead be to give neutral or calming responses. Snookums2 gave you examples of these. Nan-E-Fan gave you away of thinking of the situation that protects you from thinking that by changing your responses to this family you are "wimping out" or acting like you are weak. By keeping calm and responding to exactly what is said, you keep control of the situation. The woman says, "my husband says he saw you letting your dog pee on our lawn." You say, "I don't let my dog pee on the individual lawns, he only goes on the common area." If the neighbor does not know where the common area is, this gives them the opportunity to ask, "where is this common area?" If the neighbor, instead, insists that you do let your dog pee on her lawn, you ask her to take a picture of it. If she says that she has no camera, remind them of their cell phones or tell her to get a cheep disposable. Or offer to pay half for a disposable. This shows that you are concerned for their issue (you don't really have to be concerned, but acting like you are keeps the peace). By remaining calm, you keep the power in the relationship. If they start getting accusatory toward you, or start complaining to the townhouse management, you can calmly say, "I told them that I only use the common area and asked them to photograph the dog using their lawn as a toilet. I even offered to share the cost of a disposable camera. They never did anything to prove it was my dog, they just continue to harass me every time they see me outside." Or if you can remain calm when they harass you, then YOU can go to management and complain about their treatment of you. It takes practice to remain calm and to learn to respond only to the words people are saying to you. What you have been doing is responding to the emotion behind what the neighbor is saying and making assumptions about what she is staying. Your assumption has been, "This family has something against me and my family." By having this assumption in the background, based on your first few interactions with this family, you have been working from an assumption that you are at war because this other family has decided you are. Nothing could go right after this assumption was made. That is why I suggest that you concentrate only on the words that are said. It keeps you focused on your goal of remaining calm and responding to the situation and the concerns that the person is bringing up. It is too late for you to make this relationship start out right, but you can work on calming it down. That will give you practice for future relationships with other people. I had to do this when I found myself getting all upset talking with insurance companies and the like on the phone. After one set of phone calls when I got mad and frustrated and yelled at the person on the other end of the phone, my eyesight went all wonky. It was like looking through a kaleidoscope that was turning. I thought I was going blind! Through the little bits of clearness, I waited through my dial-up internet and slow page loads and figured out that I was having an ocular migraine. I did not need to go to the ER, but I should see an ophthalmologist soon. So I called my eye doc and they got me in the next day. What is one cause of an ocular migraine? Stress. What else does stress do? Cause high blood pressure and other heart disease, contribute toward diabetes and other diseases. Gotta lower stress!

OMG! I just HAD to post to this one. You sound as if you are telling MY story! I posted my own question a couple weeks ago regarding the same type of man. I can tell you from first hand experience that this guy is not going to change. If anything things will only get worse from this point on. I know that's hard to hear and not what you want to hear. I've been there. I too was wishing for advice or some magic potion to make him 'see' what he was doing. I blamed myself, I hated the way he treated my kids. I let it go on for way to long. I kept hoping and wishing that one day I'd wake up and things would be different. I did finally wake up but looking back I know I should have gotten out a long time ago. Sweetie... for YOUR sake and YOUR KIDS, GET OUT of that situation. Start now preparing to move on with your life. I can tell you that it's only going to get worse. I'm speaking from experience here. I finally did something about my situation. I filed for divorce (yesterday) and he moved out. I can't even express the calm and the peace I feel with him out of the house. My children simply glowed this morning. It's only going to get better for us I just feel it. Granted it's going to be tough financially but hey.. it's worth it to have that man out of our house. Above all else, don't blame yourself. The best thing you can do for your children is show them that no human being has to settle for that type of behavior. It's simply unacceptable. I made up so many excuses over the years for my husbands behavior. Always telling the children just to stay quiet and out of his way when he was home. We were prisoners to his paycheck. So scared that we couldnt make it without him. But I reached the point to where I wasn't scared of that anymore. It scared me more to think about what he was doing to my children's mental well being. I tried everything to get my husband to see what he was doing. He was so deep in denial that he would never admit to being the problem or even having a problem. It was 'all the kids fault' and my fault because he had no interactions with the kids. I'm talking... This man wold walk right past us on his way out of the house or into the house and not even look in our direction. He didn't even acknowledge our existance!! I never understood how he could not even speak. I thought how rude! Well, it's his loss. I hope the silence in his new place is killing him. Meanwhile my house is filled with laughter. It feels like we've come out of a long winter. Even the sunshine is brighter today. If you'd like to email me you may do so at lacey2010@yahoo.com If I can do anything to help you, even if it's just listening please email me. I know first hand how difficult that type of situation can be. I know what it feels like to have your heart torn out day after day wishing,hoping and praying for even the slightest glimpse of hope that something is going to change. The sad truth is... men like these never change. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope that you'll email me.

Pal - I liked your comment on the earlier post that there are some people that you use as a negative feedback mechanism. I hadn't thought about it that way but you are right - had she loved my wallpaper then I would know that it needed to be removed immediately. Actually I don't particularly care for it any longer myself but several realtors have said that it's not worth removing - it's a fairly subtle tone on tone in the foyer and hall. We have removed wallpaper in the dining room and our bedroom and bath and the rest of the house is just paint. We have an estimate on removing the foyer and hall paper and are willing to include that in a negotiation. Obviously if it proves to be an onerous selling point we will have it removed. So far it doesn't seem to scaring anyone off. So far 2 couples have been through 3 times each. One put in a very lowball bid and we countered but they ended up buying a less expensive home in the next suburb. The other couple loved everything except for the 120 year old structural fir beam in our bedroom and wanted to know if we would have it removed. We told them they we could give them the name of a good contractor, structural engineer or architect but that we weren't going to remove it. One other couple said our house had everything they wanted except they didn't want to move back into this neighborhood. They lived a few streets away and just sold their house because they had serious issues with their next door neighbor. I'm not really sure why they bothered coming but they may end up changing their minds if they don't find something else they like. Pal - I think if a realtor knows you and your interest in homes and interiors he would value your knowledgeable opinion on a particular property. And now that your SO is a realtor I'm sure you have ample opportunity to see all the unique or historic places in town. Selling real estate is not as easy as it might appear - it's a tough job and I hope your SO loves it. Two of my kids have purchased homes in Philly within the last 2 years - and the third one just left for a leafy, fenced in yard in the suburbs. I wish I could have given him our home but he couldn't afford the taxes and maintenance. Thanks, Maire