Well we get Moose, deer, coyotes, bears, foxes, squirels and a few other critters in the yard every year. We also are on the path of the migrating birds...going south and back north.....they stop in my back yard and clean out the feeders and berries and they are off again. A few stick around like the nuthatches, chickidees, purple finches and some years the white crown sparrows. Oh and the Juncos do a wonderful job keeping the bug populations down in my gardens. Swallows nest on the house across the street every year.....they help with mosquito control. LOL. There are two kinds of hummingbirds that fight over the gardens all summer...those little buggers have a big attitude! We are also visited by 3 kinds of woodpeckers. There are many kinds of butterflys and bees, and the hummingbird moths. And ewwwwwww spiders...lots of spiders...did I say EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! its more like EEEEEKKKKKKKSSSSSSS!!!! I'm sure there is more just can't think of them all. As far as bear safety.....get educated on the subject...don't take chances. Wear bear bells if you are berry picking or out in the woods. Pick fruit as soon as its ready...don't leave any laying around to draw them in. Make sure garbage is in a bear proof container or in a closed garage. We have a bear aware program here....I check my yard everytime I go out this time of year.....before I start to garden. Sierra

Those dog and pony shows are a bit disingenious. Sure, most disposrers will chew up anything you put in them. Where folks run into trouble is with their plumbing systems. Their p-traps arent sized to carry 6 handfuls of ground celery or a hamhock or whatever. Septic systems back up, ect..... The disposal is only one part of the equation, you better get well designed system, which is what Trethewey does off camera long before it starts rolling.

Ok, so for others to think it is weird to read it, imagine how I felt when I first met them. I get that it may sound off the wall, but who could honestly make this up? I have to laugh, my gosh, I WISH it were all a joke. I was so absolutely confused when I met them, not only am I in the beginning stage of my relationship with my now husband, but the confusion with the fact that I AM A GOOD PERSON, and yet, everything I did in their eyes was wrong, and after so much of that you begin to question yourself. It's difficult enough to learn the dynamics of a family, but a family like this is just overwhelming. Like I said, I never met a family like this before. I recently made the cult analogy to my husband as a joke, then I started thinking that their behavior really is cultish. Sylvia, one thing I noticed about the Grandma is she does back down when the other "outsider" (I'll call her "Suzy") in the family stands up to her, but it's short lived. That marriage had years of problems because of the Grandma, and they finally moved out of state. When I first met the family, they'd all talk about the Suzy and bash her constantly, behind her back of course. And I thought, oh my gosh she must be a terrible person. Then, I met her, and she was totally nice to me, and I could tell she felt uncomfortable around the family. That's when things started to click, and I slowly began to realize that Grandma feeds everyone with her negativity, and I think the daughters learned this from the Grandma. So when I finally had the blow up with the sisters, and the family came back to me faulting me and blaming me for how I communicated with them by email, I was so completely frustrated and I went off on a tangent about all the nasty things I felt about this family, and told them how I think they treat people with such disrespect, especially Suzy. My husband grew up with it his whole life, and was so used to it that he never realized it until I started pointing it out. He knew his sisters were rude and warned me, so I don't mean it like he's completely oblivious, but when I asked him if Suzy had ever been rude to him, he said no, and then I started to point out how your family always bashes her, but it never seems justified, then he started to pay attention, and realized much of it was a fabrication from Grandma's negative attitude. Suzy is like me, she isn't really one to conform, though she's not rude either, but everyone has a breaking point. From what I hear, they've had a lot of marital problems and I suspect it's because of Grandma and the family. I mean, come on, anytime you are in the presence of people who whisper when your back is turned, you CAN tell, you can sense it. That's what the sisters have done to me, and I suspect they've learned that from Grandma. I get what everyone is saying about be nice and gently disagree, but they are so persistent it's irritating. And, you can't have a conversation with one person, they all have to chime in together, so it's like you against all of them. When I get frustrated, you can see that I'm frustrated. And they get defensive. I've learned to start walking away, when I can, but sometimes I regret not saying something, and at the same time I don't want to be "that person" at the party who crashed it because she blew her stack. LOL. Lonepiper, I do agree - I'll never be good enough, and my attitude is changing to the idea that if you don't like me for who I am, too bad, get over it. I suppose my distancing myself from them is my way of rebelling. If I get visibly angry with them, I get the "well EXCUSE me" attitude, and then they won't come over for a year, which frustrates my husband that they ostracize us. So, it's a viscious circle. If my husband didn't have a close bond with his family, I could care less, but again, I also have to think of his needs, so I try to be the bigger person. Txnursing, it's not that we let the guilt trip get to us, it's the anger that follows it that I can't stand. It's like dealing with a five year old. The Uncle is the worst. It'll be like this - he'll ask us to come over. My husband will say that we have plans with my family. Then he'll insist on my family coming over. THAT appalls me, as if my whole family is supposed to change their plans because what Uncle has going on is more important or better than what my family could possibly be doing. Seriously, that's his attitude, and he's very pretentious, everything is about "image" and he acts like people want to live his lifestyle of entertaining everyone all the time. Sometimes we just want to sit home and watch a movie. Screw your image if you are a nasty person, right? He doesn't ask us much anymore, but now it's like we've been ostracized. We get invited to family functions, more or less like it's expected of him, but that's it. And, he's given me the cold shoulder since I didn't go up during a holiday and kiss his family's butt after the sister incident - they wanted me to "brush it under the carpet" and swallow my pride once again (oh, and this was an "intervention" that took place at a mutual friends house). I stood my ground, refused to spend the holiday with the family, and this is the end result. My husbands friend said to me at that time, why do you always have to swallow your pride and they just keep treating you like crap and it's supposed to be ok? Honestly, it's reached a point where I'm bordering on despising them, but I think that's a good thing because a healthy attitude in this situation can only be one of, "I don't give a crap" what they think. silversword, your response made me laugh. I wonder what they'd do if I plugged my ears and did the, "la la la la la la la la" as I walk away. *Chuckle*

//But.. it's good to know my feelings are not considered.// Well, hopefully they are fully considered by your husband and your family and friends. But it's unrealistic to expect your DH's ex-wife to care when she didn't care about her own husbands' feelings when she was stealing from them. You have to be realistic, she's not going to care; and if she's a certain kind of person, she may get satisfaction out of the fact that she's got you so steamed. Yes, good stepmoms ARE so unappreciated. But hopefully not by your husband. Doesn't he appreciate how hard you try. You say that this all started because after 13 years of badgering, you just found out that she's been badmouthing you and DH. Well, that's not very pleasant, it's down right rude, but...you are badmouthing her as well. She's a neglient, selfish, trampy mom, per you. How much does it really matter? Who's she talking to and how does it effect your life? Part of growing up is realizing that no matter how nice you are, how much you do, how hard you try, there are going to be people who really don't like you and will criticize. It's their problem. Did you know there are a number of people who have some pretty nasty things to say about Mother Teresa? Even Jesus himself was horribly reviled. You are in good company. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I am. My DH's ex calls up child abusers; calls my kids the 'stepbrats'; claims I stole her husband (didn't meet DH until 3 years after her divorce, lived 1200 miles away), her children (she lost custody and got herself supervised visitation two years before I knew of DH's existence), her house (actually altho she uses our address on her license, she never lived here and it's MY house), everything she ever had (huh, it always gets dumpstered when she's evicted), ruined her reputation in California (never been there, we live in FL), took her nursing license away (nope, has nothing to do with the missing drugs from the hospital she worked at), blah, and blah, and blah... But what does it matter. I made it VERY clear to my husband she is to call him at work or on his cell; after she left a series of VM's and screaming phonecalls calling me a whore and my kids stepbrats, I informed, not asked him, but informed him that if she called the house, I'd hang up on her. I've hung up on her without a word, before she could get 3 words out, probably over a hundred times. She did finally stop calling. She's not allowed at our house, I will not facilitate any of her rare visitations, I don't talk to her, I don't see her, I don't deal with her. You can't change her to make her appreciative or to make her a cooperative ex or to make her a good mother. But you can change yourself so you gain distance and disengage. Why do you care that she has lots of boyfriends? (I know you are going to say because it effects stepD). Why do you care what she does while stepD is with you? Why do you need or expect her gratitude? I know there are hundreds of ways for her to harass you and DH and play games. I know what an aggravation and expense she's been. But disengaging from her and her antics profits you. You need to build a nice thick bullet proof acrylic wall between your life and hers, like those at banks. Let her go to live her messed up life. Let her go so you can live yours unmolested. And you are very, very right: good stepmothers (and stepfathers) are not recognized or much appreciated. I'm glad you are a good stepmom, despite what stepdaughter officially recognizes, she does know it, and your efforts have made her world a better place, and because her life was better because of your good heart and generous spirit, the whole world is a bit better. Think of it this way. StepD might never, ever realize how much she got from you and how good you were to her, but when she mothers her own children, the only good mothering she knows will be an inheritance from you. And the investment you made in one girl, which might not have shown immediate fruit, will pay off perhaps in two or three stepgrandchildren.