A baffle on the post beneath the box is about all you can do. Black snakes can drop from overhanging limbs. I'll never forget the time a black snake fell off the rafters in our old barn (when I was a teenager) and onto a mouse. If the area around the post is suitable (sun and dry), you could plant lavender there. Cameron

itrom.......Last year when chickadees took over our fave BB box after so many year of having only BBs in the box there were reclaim fights but the BBs did not win and we never saw any all summer and that was sad. That particular box is the one we can see easily and we love to watch them and take photos. There are two other boxes nearby so I kept asking myself why can't the cute chickadees just use those...lol. BBs have moved into the fave box and I hope there is peace! Good luck and enjoy whatever nests ...or...put up another box and if you do make sure you follow instructions as to how far from the fist one.

What your MIL says is very true. Another thing I read somewhere is that MOM must carve out some time just for Mom, because babies will demand all your time not knowing you need some for yourself. And this is the hardest part, MAKING some time for yourself, a 30 minute walk by yourself twice a week, or one afternoon/month that is yours - not to get groceries by yourself! - but to get that hair trim, shop for that elusive new bra or new denims. Even to take a bath while hubby keeps the kids from clawing at the bathroom door to get in with you (because a bath isn't relaxing while THAT is going on!). I myself am guilty for concentrating on the things I thought mattered most (home cooked meals from scratch that took time), laundry kept up, house vacuumed and dusted, then one day I looked down at my 18 month old who was pestering me to play with him while i was performing one of these 'important' aspects to being a stay at home mom, and the thought occurred to me that he'd be happier if I'd gone back to work, because his day's would be filled with playtime with other kids, instead of following a working house mom around the house and being put off all the time, and I figured since I quit the job to benefit HIM, then I had better start making this stay-at-home thing about HIM, and not about how clean and organized I could keep the home. We didn't live in a pigsty, but it felt like I was always behind on something, if the place was vacuumed, then the bathrooms needed attention, then when I got to the bathrooms, now the laundry needed to be done etc etc (the late Richard Carlson wrote about that in one of his 'don't sweat the small stuff' books), remarkably, we could use the 'messy' bathroom safely, had enough clothes that laundry could pile up, and no asthmatic sufferers in the house so a bit of dust wasn't a health problem. But my 18 month old would only be that age for such a short time, I had to grab what I could while he was there. I have done that, and never regretted it, and look at all the extra housework I got out of doing! Keep smiling Stacie, you've got a good handle on what's important, stick with what your gut is telling you. kioni

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.