The tarantulas that we have here are large, but are not supposed to be poisonous, although I'm not going to try and find out for myself. Black Widows and Brown Recluses are definitely more dangerous spiders, but large spiders are still quite intimidating. I am not scared of spiders or snakes, but it's the occassional 'run-in' with them that scares me sometimes, like when you are reaching for something and suddenly see a snake coiled up a few inches from your fingers, or when you pick up a log and while carrying it, a tarantula runs across your hand. Good thing that no one has ever been around to see the way I act when this happens. I worked with some seasoned roughnecks in the oilfield back in the 80's, and on at least two different occassions, I saw two of them scream like ten year old girls when they came upon a snake or tarantula. We never let them live that down, although their new nicknames became 'Spidey', and 'Snake'. Kt

My mother was alone for 25 years after Dad died. She had a lot of interests--of course they didn't take Dad's place, but they did fill her time. She was active in: her church, the local Woman's club, the library auxilliary, historical society. She met with friends weekly to socialize and sew. She kept busy with her grandchildren. Liked to go to lunch with her other relatives and friends. Enjoyed getting together with others in her senior apt. to watch movies and play games. She read during every spare moment. And did some travelling. As far as volunteering? There are so many opportunities in any community. Senior centers/assisted living/nursing homes always appreciate anyone willing to come in and share their talents with the residents (be it entertaining, crafting, etc). Libraries always have volunteer opportunities. Ronald McDonald houses generally need members of the community to help out by providing meals for the families using their facilities. Zoos, museums need docents. The courts have volunteer positions. There are generally environmental volunteer opportunities in every town. What about taking some classes? Most community colleges and local adult schools offer free or reduced tuition for seniors (not sure you are one, yet--don't mean to offend). Since you mentioned money being an issue, have you considered taking an apprenticeship course at your local community college? They'll help you land a job in the field you'd be studying, you'd be working and getting paid while becoming qualified in a para-professional field. I'm not talking about becoming an electrician or plumber--you can apprentice in many fields like optician, paralegal, etc. Great way to fill hours, make some money, and prepare for a career--no matter how old you are. When DD studied opticianry, MOST of the folks in her classes were older, many were retired, who were preparing for a second career. She was the 'baby' of the bunch.

Hi MomRox ... who isn't in much of a mood to rock, these days, I expect, I'm glad that you found the various advice here helpful. Quite a few people suggest that folks who've lost a spouse take it easy for about a year, not making major decisions, e.g. sale of a family home, that may have lost a good portion of its appeal, while they are under such emotional pressure, as they may later regret it/them. I also suggest that you choose your own path with regard to the wearing of your rings ... don't feel pressured to conform to others' view(s) of the way to run your life, especially with regard to things that relate to your recently departed loved one. Have you felt a desire to talk to a counsellor, whether professional or faith-based? If so, have you found some person to fill that need well ... if not, keep looking, as such folk can offer useful support. I hope that you have some close friends who can offer similar support, as well. Do you know if there are bereavement groups in your area? If not, ask around among people who deal with such issues, Many have found them helpful, possibly recently-organized ones, so that everyone is new and there hasn't developed a formation of some groups of special friends within it. You'll find many friendly, perceptive, thoughtful and compassionate people here, many of whom, as you've found, have trod your current path before you, and, as you've found, they offer a wide variety of suggestions. And most are willing to leave you free to tread your path as you find agreeable. Good wishes to you as you move through this process of grieving. ole joyful

No, it did not sound as if your friend was one of those who was threatened to be killed by her hoarding. Not all are like that. I have seen people who just resort to shopping as a crutch when life happens. As a person who is devoted to an uncluttered lifestyle, I struggle with my daughters house. I have to almost tie my hands when I go there. Her life is so full with commuting, career and family that I cannot help but see, that if her home was less cluttered it would be so much easier to manage. They are not really hoarders. They are clutterers. Even just putting anything away is twice the chore it ought to be because so much has to be juggled. Most of that juggling is so totally unnecessary if they would only cull out the useless from the useful. Everything is a balancing and juggling act. Why? Meanwhile, it grieves me to see her so strung out and stressed so much of the time when I know how true it is that clearing the clutter and having a more organized environment makes the chores of life and family flow so much smoother. They really need some calm and order in their lives.